Voyage

It is a science fiction short story.

It isn’t the sole purpose of my life. But deep down, I know I have to do it. I don’t know where I got this urge and I neither care. It is my dream and that’s all I know about it. Earlier in the twentieth century, Foundation by Issac Asimov was considered a pure fiction. Fast forward thousand years, now, it has become a reality. A reality which only a few would’ve comprehended back then. And fewer would’ve contemplated. And still fewer who worked for it. It gave me hope to follow my dreams. Universe is spread out with fascinating stuffs. There are black holes, white holes and worm holes. At some instances in the universe, time doesn’t exist. How is that even possible? How does it feel? Like a flash of white light as we ascend to heaven as they show in movies? If there is no time then how do I calculate how long will it take to pass through the worm hole? If not a function of time, then will I be able to remember what I experience there? I had all these questions running at the background as the questionnaire was being issued. After 10 years of hard work, I was able to raise fund for my dream voyage. Now, in my late twenties, while my friends have already settled down owning villas and fancy cars, I haven’t tasted even a single bit of luxury till now. Is it going to be worth the sacrifice I made? Keep aside the ample sum of money I have to pay for this trip, I have to surpass a nightmare, clear an exam. Till this voyage is in its primitive stage, too esoteric to a common man to embark.  Getting a good result in the exam is the only way of proving thyself, was their conviction. It is the oldest, deserves to be obsolete, envisaged as a ritual, followed by mankind. Conducting exams!

It has been a month since I wrote my exam and the shortlisted candidates are supposed to be announced today. I, as a budding programmer, wrote a python script which periodically checks the website and once the list is released, it will be projected in my living room. I wore my smart glass and was busy decluttering my home-screen. I’m not yet used to this smart glass where I can do stuffs just by thinking. It is a revolutionary innovation by Draco Inc. Living in the era of distraction, I’m finding it very taxing to concentrate, which is an obvious prerequisite. From nowhere, a pop up zoomed in front of my face, relegating the other tasks. No wonder, I gave this the highest priority. The shortlisted candidates were finally announced. All I had to do is to think to open the list and I couldn’t do it. The pressure was building up and my blood was highly agitated. My mind experienced an avalanche of thoughts, more than it can handle. It was hard to make out what is in my mind.  It felt like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I removed my glass and I had to manually point my finger in the direction of ‘open’ button. The message unfolded and the list of students shortlisted were displayed. I scrolled the list by waving my fingers in air. I could nowhere find my name. I checked the list for almost five times. The moment was frozen. Yeah, just like inside a black hole. At least now I understood how a no-time zone felt like. I prepared for almost 5 years to only fail today. Reality struck me so hard. I helped myself with a cup of espresso and sat on my couch. I could think of nothing. I was scared to tell this to anyone. Almost everyone ridiculed and cursed me that I’m wasting the best part of my life trying to do something that was a dream pertinent only for people who are good enough to make it into MIT, Stanford etc. Thanks to my presumptuous attitude, I neglected their opinions. What reasons, now do I have to convince myself? Suddenly the entire world seemed to be happy but me. Everything that is happening inside and around me, even my heartbeat, seemed detached.  I took a walk in my backyard which I use to love. This time, I found it so terrible that I collapsed in the lawn and wept for almost an hour.

I woke up after two days. I haven’t drunk so much in my entire life. I hardly remember what happened. I was lying half naked in my terrace with an empty cognac bottle as a pillow. With hangover and empty stomach, I felt even worse. I pulled myself to the balcony and lit a cigarette. I projected, in my mind, the three decades of my life I wasted. It felt different to see my story as a third person. The diffident, ambitious, stamped by the society as failure, has never failed to impress me. I understood no matter how pathetic I am, I loved myself. I am who I am. I slowly inhaled, closing my eyes, connecting myself to nature. I was happy. Should I be, after what happened to me two days back?  I don’t know. My hangover was getting better as I came back to my drawing room. I briefly surfed through my library before I picked the “Foundation” by Issac Asimov. God knows how many times I read that book. I deeply engrossed myself as if I was reading it for the first time. After I completed three chapters, I went for a walk in the same backyard where I wept. There were memories passing, emotions flowing and I let it unleash. Like a flowing river, calm and serene, turbulent and threatening at times. I felt like I understood life. I realized I failed for a reason. It was delightful! I never dreamed nature would’ve been so beautifully orchestrated. Everything made sense now.

“Nature has a strange way of communicating with people. Failure is a way nature teaches us and success is, demonstrating that we understood”  

 

After writing this in my scrapbook, felt pity for people who, carried away by the façade of success, in the terms of society wasn’t aware of the very purpose they are put here. I had my lessons enough. I started making strategies and action plans for my next attempt. I decided to bounce back, with full enthusiasm and determination. Not to mention, without regrets!