Who I was

When you cut,
Does it give you,
Some kind of satisfaction?
Do you feel a short-lived peace,
Only to be broken moments later,
By a fierce anger.
Then to a state of shock,
To go numb,
And take it for all its worth.

I stopped that pain,
I got off my sorry a*s,
And pieced my life together.
When I felt the need,
I ran.
I ran for all I was worth.
It was like running from reality,
With each step I pounded my old life.
For the first time in my life,
I was happy.

I picked myself up,
I got my act together,
I was maybe not exactly jumping for joy,
But I was better.
Then Justin died.
I cried as I had never before,
I started failing classes again.
I began to cut again.
To get away from the reality of the situation,
To get the feeling of never having to care again,
To feel again.
I wasn't happy, but I was at peace.

Then I remembered how happy I was,
When I ran.
I tried out for track at school,
I made the team.
I replaced cutting with running,
I got myself together once more.

Bearing the scars of my past life,
I can now walk proudly.
I am proud to be who I am today,
But I will always wear the scars,
Of a time before life.
I will be reminded always,
Of what life can be.
I promise myself this now,
I will never go back.

Now my question for you remains,
I'm happy.
But are you?

Reviews

[Rain]

Brutally honest piece. I loved the hope in this. A cutter is in a hopeless world; a painful, lonely, self-destructive world. There is more than hope in this piece; there is extreme courage and determination. I don't care what doctors say, but excercise is often far more powerful than drugs. I respect this piece, and the person who wrote it. Rain..