Distancer

A poem that I wrote. This tells a tragic(in a way) story...

Look at them, they are the perfect pair

The way he kisses her, with so many charms

As she returns the favor, with so much care

He protects her by wrapping her in his arms

He speaks of the way she makes his heart beat

She pretends to smile, as she nods her head

Soon he would be crushed and anguished with defeat

The impending pain would strike, leaving him feeling dead

She said it would be best if they took time apart

He knew deep down she was leaving for good

Her goodbye forced a knife into his heart

To stop her, he would do anything if he could

He is now grown up and out on his own

She leads a life that is fun, fulfilling, and free

He fantasizes about how he doesn't want to be alone

She is still the only person he wants to see

He keeps on loving her as a distancer

Long after she decided it was the end

That look in his eyes lets you know he misses her

He won't settle with just being her "friend"

She has long since moved on to another guy

He waits endlessly until hell starts to freeze

He stays up in bed asking himself "why?"

She sits on a throne, while he's on his knees

That girl is an angel, flying on radiant wings

While the distancer gazes at her from a range

She is deaf to the love songs he still sings

His love is a constant, it will never change

Forever broken until she knocks on his door

Or when pigs fly, whichever comes first

She forever scours the world in search of more

Meanwhile this boy is still here, at his worst

As long as the distancer loves her, he will always be one

She now only kisses him within his wishful mind

If she ends up happy when all is said and done

The distancer's true bliss, you are sure to find...

Author's Note

I hope you enjoy this

Reviews

[~Daugher of the King~]

I thoroughly enjoyed this one! :) It made it interesting how you wrote it in second person instead of first person. I also liked the theme of the "distancer" that you used throughout your poem, and the line, "She sits on a throne, while he's on his knees" is such good imagery! It really struck me like, "Wow."

Also, I loved this stanza:

"That girl is an angel, flying on radiant wings
While the distancer gazes at her from a range
She is deaf to the love songs he still sings
His love is a constant, it will never change"

That was my favorite one, I think.

Lastly, your ending kind of caught me off guard! Lol. It was quite a contrast for you to say, "She now only kisses him within his selfish mind," only to then say,

"If she ends up happy when all is said and done
The distancer's true bliss, you are sure to find..."

That is very mature of you to want her to be happy even if she doesn't find that happiness by ending up with you. At least that is what I gathered from that. Am I right?

Overall, nice work! This was very well written. :) I also like how your poem takes one through the journey of your relationship in a way. It progresses very well!

P.S. I think you meant to type "fantasizes" instead of "fantasies," though. ;)

[r]

I absolutely love this poem!! I can't say my favorite line, because I loved ALL of them, but I do love how you called him the "distancer" Amazing poem. I love the way you worded it, and the rhymes.

[Lydia Jamison]

I understand how you feel. Though I've never been in a relationship, I've seen people I care about very much be taken by someone else. I may not be perfect on the outside, but if someone cared enough to dig deeper, I'm sure I would shatter the earth. If she doesn't want you, then the best you can do is forget. There will always be someone else, and it's too soon to find a so called "soulmate". Just keep climbing, and someday you'll reach the top of your mountain.

[Christina May Shanaberg]

She sits on a throne, while he's on his knees! Oh, my!! I really enjoyed this poem, but it is very sad. I did like the end, because we can't control someone else, as much as we miss them, but to want their happiness, above all, is good!!!

[Nathan Durham]

Yeah, the end was a bit of a tough contrast. I modded it a little bit to smooth it out a bit. It shows he still wants her, but wants her happiness above all else.

[deeps]

This is amazing I love the rhyme scheme and flow.
This is full os feelings. very well written

[Harry Mora]

Sorry, I forgot to rate.

[Harry Mora]

I enjoyed this piece. It was interesting how it was written, as if you were the witness and not the subject. Which you may be but, if you can relate to my work you have lived the situation yourself. It flows like heartache, beautiful prose.