shimmer in the stars

Life brings joy, with freedom comes will on an eternally sinful night.
One soul can shimmer through the darkness as one wish upon a star can fight.
A night to remember a dance til September a song to be eternally sung
The night screams for us beckons us forward begs us to be forever young.
One snow flake one mind one face can make a difference as their differences make them stronger.
We bicker and fight all day and night just to pray so we can have a little longer.

Reviews

[a.mareship]

you have much wisdom for a 15 year old! x

[Heather]

aww thank you wow what a big compliment!! thank you! :) x

[Pryde Foltz]

Passion is passion, right. I liked the rhythm of this.

[Heather]

thank you it means a lot coming from such a great writer! thank you for taking the time to read and have a nice night/day! :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Heather.

[Dr. Wood ?]

yes..I think the pattern is really quite good, I do so love to see rhyming poetry and here you have done exceptionally well

[Heather]

thank you honestly for taking the time to read :)

[Dr. Wood ?]

IT IS WHY WE ARE HERE....ISN'T IT?

[Heather]

yea i guess so but still thanks

[Kevin Dean]

Well worded and quite darkly elegant. I like it and best of luck in this contest.

[Heather]

thank you and thank you for taking the time to read it :)

[wordwarrior]

A very beautiful poem indeed and such a thought provoking message. We take far too much time bickering inste4aqd of enjoying and appreciating life and those close to us..
Wonderfully said!

[Heather]

thank youuuu!!! i thought so too its amazing how many people don't appreciate their lives and what's in it.thank you for taking the time to read! :)

[Sami Khalil]

"One soul can shimmer through the darkness as one wish upon a star can fight.
A night to remember a dance til September a song to be eternally sung "
I like the title , the poem and those lines...:)

[Heather]

thanks i know i thought the title fit in well and you seem to know what i mean thanks again! :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[*Clare*]

Lovely words. I love the first lines! Gives a taste of what to expect from the rest of the poem. really daring with the structure.. Good one!

[Heather]

thank you for even taking the time to read it honestly.

[richom]

It is very difficult to maintain a consistent cadence in a rhymed poem with such lengthy lines, but you
do it splendidly here. The eternal rhymes in the 3rd and 6th lines (remember/September and day/pray)
add to the poem's appeal. Excellent.

[richom]

Me again, to correct an error in my comment. I, of course, meant to type "internal" rhymes, not "eternal."

[Heather]

thanks for the review i appreciate feedback of any kind ;D