Saved

I should be smiling, 
But tears roll down my face 
I should be happy, 
But I’m feeling like I need to be saved. 

There’s an emptiness inside of me, 
That’s itching to crawl its way out, 
And there’s a black cloud above me 
That’s causing me to doubt 
Whether I’m strong, 
Whether I can handle this, 
Whether I’m just fooling myself 
And if ignorance is really bliss. 

I thought I was better 
But your face is etched into my brain 
I’ve taken the meds, followed the doctor’s orders 
But there’s still this pain. 

How can I erase what I saw? 
When I’ve got it memorized. 
Tell me what I need to do 
The protection, the supplies. 

Because I can sit here 
And fake it 
That’s no problem for me 
Fake a smile 
Wipe away a tear 
Pretend the puddle is the sea 
But it doesn’t help 

I wake up more tired than before 
Longing for sleep, longing for something 
I’m being pushed too far from the shore. 


So what? Nothing. 
I’ll pretend that I’m okay. 
I’ll pretend to be riding that wave. 
I’ll wipe away my tears, put on a smile 
But I still feel like being saved.