In Whom I Trust...

I have a strong urge to write this tonight. This feeling of urgency comes to me now and then. I don't know if that is because my thoughts and feelings will someday be of use to my posterity, or if they are simply meant for my benefit, when moments of weakness ensue and I need to rekindle my testimony. In either case, it is a good thing.

 

I feel the need to write about my understanding of the identity and nature of our Father in Heaven, and His ever-present relationship with me. Even as a child, young and unlearned, I sensed that God loved and cherished me. Yes, my parents taught me that concept, but they also encouraged me to seek for a personal, emotionally-tangible relationship with Him. When I was close to my eighth birthday, which is the age of a child's acceptability for baptism in my church, I prayed every night for a few weeks to know for myself that He was real and that I was joining His church. Even though young by the world's standards, I received my answer through feelings, peaceful and notably-warm feelings inside of me. It was a feeling akin to stepping out into the sunshine on a balmy day, only so much stronger and vitally comforting. 

 

For some reason, I have never seriously mistrusted the existence of God. The child-like faith I had acquired carried over into my teenage years. I have been blessed to know that I am His child and He is always there. My prayers of questioning have always only been to strengthen that knowledge to make me able to endure my trials and overcome my own failings. At the age of twelve, I learned one night how essential this plea of for reaffirmation would be for me. I needed it, and needed it often. I came to disappointments in my life's path frequently. I believe that the only thing that helped me over many of those humps of hopelessness and abandon were those moments when I gave my time over to the Heavenly Father, and asked to know how much He cared for my wellfare. Each time I prayed for that understanding, it came, without failure to surface.

 

Some have argued, people can produce any emotion or feeling that they want to, but I know better. Wanting something, and wanting it hard, does not make it real. This kind of burning knowledge is not a function of some physical phsycology, but an actual gift of intelligence from an external source, my Father in Heaven.

 

When the phrases concerning 'fearing the Lord' are presented in the scriptures, I do not envision us cowering in servitude before an ominous, lording Being. Fear, in this respect, means reverence. Our love for our Father should and will elicit a deep respect and honor for Him. Just as a honorable person feels sick at the thought of harming a child or hurting a loved one, so it is with being afraid to act against God. Thus the scripture counsels, "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." This explains to us that if we already love the Lord with our whole selves, there is no need for "fear" or worldy guilt in His presense. Instead, when we come to Him, we should feel at peace - at home. Discomfort with anything that is of God can only be connected with our feelings of unworthiness, not His lack of compassion.

 

That compassion, as unbelievable as it sounds, has no boundaries. It is attainable, always. It is constant and bountiful. We only need to ask, to want to know of His tender feelings of encouragement for us. Even with this remarkable tenderness though, our Father is reasonable. He is aware of the laws of justice that formed our existence and our eternal destination. Mercy cannot rob justice. We cannot be casually pardoned from the wrongs we commit or those pains we inflict upon others. It simply does not work that way. Even in a beautiful haven-land, if you cut into a tree, it will still gradually die or alter in some way. These laws of justice could only be satisfied through the presence of a subsitute.

 

The scriptures show us that Jesus Christ was that offering. As Heavenly Father's first and dearest child, Christ offered himself to take on the grave burdens that we should have had to hold. It is never easy to give up something you love, but it must have been unimaginably painful for our Father to allow His Beloved Son to take on the horrible suffering for us all. Yet, the inherent beauty of the plan is that He did allow it. Now we have the ability to accept that gift or to refuse it and pursue our own endless Gethsemanes. This subject not only illustrates the magnitude of Christ's love, but speaks of God's, in sacrificing his own protective feelings to allow Christ to do it.

 

Our Heavenly Father is One who has power to accomplish anything within our universe, and beyond, but He is also a man and is subject to heartache, as we are. We would not be His offspring if we did not share in these traits. If He were invincible and without feeling, there would be no purpose to our existence. He would have had no desire for children and would have no plans for us to obtain His status. It is because He is both Man and a celestial God that we are come into existence and that we have eternal purpose.

 

These, believe it or not, are just a few of my thoughts on the subject. I hope that my claims would be taken in the right light; not as preaching but as sharing those feelings which I hold most precious; That they would cause others to ponder their own thoughts and feelings. To seek a relationship with their loving Father. There is no greater peace or joy found than this.