Oh..

This is an older one of mine that im really not happy with at all. It needs to be fixed in many aspects i just cant seem to sit down and figure out if i should just add this to my failed poetry pile or try to turn it into something...

Oh...

 

Oh infidel
The withering slithering shadows
Sit perched on my sill
The murky night
like a frozen womb
A blanketed pool of harsh decadent truth

 

Oh truth so burdened
Bloodless and lurid
So dastardly and intransient
A festering molted peach

With a solid pristine core

Waivered and maddened

 

Oh damnation
So impending and informal
Crawling, wrenching, near and near
Away, away my friend
Away from my shuttering breast
Vice claws so scorched and charred

 

The eyes so Hollow
so dehydrated, so bleak

 

Author's Note

Comments are always appriciated. Poetry isnt my strong point and im working hard to improve on it.

Reviews

[Brianna Brie]

This is one of those poems that for some unexplained reasons it speaks to me. I don't know what in the world it is about, but sometimes that matters not. The pure genius of poetic words sooth over my soul and this one speaks volumes. It is a keeper!

[[untitled]]

You spelled apreciated wrong. Hehe, I'm sorry.

I really liked the poem. Don't know why you would consider doing such a thing. Poems are the writer's babies. You nurture them and they'll do amazing things in return. Once again, I love you figurative language. " The murky night like a frozen womb" was my favorite part. I don't know, I found another pattern in the first two paragraphs. They involve the last three lines. Yeah... I'm weird. The whole thing actually flowed very well. The only advice I can think of is not to give up on this piece. I also think you could make this a bit longer... the last two lines left me wondering... wanting for more.

[The Elder Pine]

I agree, please don't send this one to the scrap heap. It is wonderful, seething and elegant in a dark and radiant way. So many images so many burning messages.

[An owl on the moon]

Please don't cast this away! It has such beautiful, haunting corridors to walk down. If you are not pleased, think of it as a crying newborn that will mature into a loving child.