Ode to a Dying Dead Man

Ode to a Dying Dead Man

 

The winter’s bitter hand covers the ground

Rain clouds come out to play

Creeping in the night, it comes to sweep you away

 

A darkened dream, littered with shadow and sufferance

Muzzled and cowering in the shade of our contentment

 

The path we migrated

Now a shattered film strip of bleached dreams and glassy journeys

 

Flowing away down the dark river of fatal mortality

Taking my affection and aspiration with you to that nocturnal place

 

Dream of me amore

Behind that darkened veil

As I bat away the shadows that linger behind you

 

Author's Note

Reviews are always appriciated!! Poetry isnt my strong suit so im trying really hard to improve it!!

Reviews

[Don Coorough]

You sell your poetry writing short here. This is a gorgeous piece. I enjoy your language, timing, insightful descriptions, the assonance of "winter's bitter." There is a tugging flow in the poem that pulls the reader along. I enjoyed this a lot! - EllisD

[mysticanonymize]

You say poetry isn't your strong subject, but your imagery and flow is fantastic. Also the choice of words, are just incredible. I love how dark and mysterious feeling you get as well..

[Brianna Brie]

Dream of me amore
Behind that darkened veil
As I bat away the shadows that linger behind you

Your choice of words in this one are perfectly placed. Original as well. Nicely done.

Your poem is wonderful! I loved the flow. I could not think of a way to improve upon this. You are very talented!

[A.r. Bazian]

the diction and choice of words reflect very good talent!
your passion for writing, for words, and for your memories shows very strongly!
a very good piece!

skillful, it flows nicely, easily, almost perfectly!

keep it up!

[Krishna]

I'm impressed by your vocabulary, the flow is pretty good and it gives its own mythical weight. A stab in the dark on death? Nice work here Stefi.

[Damian Alan Gray]

"A darkened dream, littered with shadow and sufferance
Muzzled and cowering in the shade of our contentment"

Wow! I loved this! Dark and depressing; exactly the poem I needed right now. I beg to differ, Steffi, I think poetry is right up your alley. Thanks very much for sharing.

[Amanda]

a very good write, steffi...maybe if you wouldn't try so hard it would seem easier to you. this was a very good example that you do have the talent to write poetry. it was expressive and well written.

keep up the good work!

Always,

Amanda

[THE BLACK SEAL]

very insightful well written

[Y.F.]

A death is always hard, but here it has an added hardness to it, for you're not only mourning over him but actually walk him through his journey to hades.
You've put a great deal of fantastic imagery into a piece filled with very strong emotion.

"Poetry isnt my strong suit so im trying really hard to improve it!!"
You are very much mistaking - no improvement needed.