A Home in Blue

A Home in Blue

 

Calls come from the rigid rocks

Beckoning me with a rigid golden touch
My soles tedious on the dune
Incurable, clinging

Mind reeling, Body draining

 

Gentle hands graze along my feet
Dislodging the foundation
Whispering sirens warble resonate melodies

Hypnotizing, enticing

Mind fading, Body jolting

 

Crashing walls tenderize me on rigid rocks

Burying the desolation and desperation

Carried through sea’s of eternal eyes

Mute, tranquil

Mind complacent, Body deflated

 

Author's Note

Reviews are always welcome. Poetry isnt my strong suit so im working on improving it!

Reviews

[THE LOST ROSE]

I love how all three last lines of your poems end with a different adjective about the mind and body. Very creative, very story tell style. Your stories must be strong because your poetry is off the chain. I am feeling your style and I am very inspired to go and write something that is in my head. I hope I can be nasty good
(AWESOME) like the stuff I read from you tonight. Steffi you got a new fan in me. Keep on spilling the poetry. I will be back to finish off this collections of poems you have. Peace.

[Bennett Logan]

I really enjoyed this piece. It reads as though you were careful in your selection of words, and it definately paid off. The imagery is soft and tranquil -- almost silent. Also, the last line of every stanza having to deal with mind/body added a nice element of continuity that I find doesn't normally work in shorter poetry.

As far as suggestions go, I only have a couple.
1. The word "rigid" is used twice in a matter of the first two lines. In such proximity, it comes off sounding redundant. I would reccomend taking it out of line 2 so that it reads, "Beckoning me with a golden touch."
2. In line 13, change "sea's" to "seas."

And that's about all I've got. Have a good one, Ms. Steffi, and keep up the good work.

[ElJays Nicholas]

Outstanding! You capture your moment of peace very well. I feel very serene. You show great promise as a writer. You know how to "think" by feeling, and to make those necessary observations in your daily life to write about. The simplest things give us the greatest pleasures, and we don't have to force ourselves to make something work. This will only complicate what is essentially a natural progression. You are young, and already know how to do this. Very nice....

This is a well written piece of poetry. I think you are right up their with many published poets. This is great. I could feel the power in the words. Great poem!

[Gin Tsubasa]

"Crashing walls tenderize me on rigid rocks" ----> I really enjoy this line. You repeat the word rigid often, and generally I would say I don't like it, but for this poem I think it works. I think the repetition is needed. :)
And I like the story you tell with the poem. :)

[An owl on the moon]

I believe you are an amazing poet, showing us snapshots of the world with amazing clarity and vivid focus! Here you have created a world by the sea full of magical qualities, drawing us in to hear and view your blue world. Amazing and beautiful!

[Jane Doe]

This is a very well written piece. I liked it. I especially loved the first stanza. Great write!

[Courtney Lou]

I'm not sure what to say about it. I'm not even sure if I like it or not. I think it needs some more details, more heart, more hmm...more emotion?? I like the whole vibe/feel to it. That part is nice.