Feelings

An old poem that I scrapped and completely re-wrote

 

Feelings of hurt

Feeling despair

Running through your body

Like a brush through your hair

 

Feeling empty

Feeling betrayed

Like you’re all alone

Like a sun without a ray

 

Feelings of hate

Feelings inside

They can take your heart

But they can’t take your pride

Author's Note

Let me know what you think.

Reviews

[stipe]

two things: I'd end the second stanza with "Like a sun without rays" but maybe that's just me.

and I'm not sure I quite get the last stanza, I don't think you should change it at all, just saying it seems to have some hidden message, agenda, I like it. sounds violent.

[Kelly Catherine.]

Wow that's realy well thought out. It seems like you put a lot of consideration into it and it shows. Keep up the good work!

[Seriana]

I like it! ALOT better than the old. Good job!!
Feelings can be weird little critters, that's for sure.