Dream Theater "The River"

Ladies and Gentlemen

A story so bold

Another episode of Dream Theater

Is about to unfold

 

Head hits the pillow

Falling fast asleep

Show is just about to start

Nobody make a peep

 

I am now on a canoe

Paddles on my left and right

Water seems a little rough

I'm gonna be in for a fight

 

Me versus nature

With treacherous waters up ahead

If I don't maneuver just right

I'll surely be dead

 

Now past the first part

Hazards all along the way

Paddling for my life

Canoe starting to sway

 

Waves starting to crash

Heart beating into my throat

If I don't fight alot harder

I'll never keep this thing afloat

 

About 100 yards ahead

Am I truly up to this test

Round 2 ready to commence

I'll damn sure give it my best

Water slaps me across the face

A fight that will never end

Even if I make it through this

Will my body ever mend?

 

Crash thru the last wave

Survived the onslaught of the attack

The end of the river is near

As a weight is lifted off my back

 

Land up ahead

I've finally reached the still

I awaken to my alarm

Man, what a thrill

 

Author's Note

Rewrote this one as I wasn't happy with how it was before.

Reviews

[Bethany Woody]

A nice little adventure in rhyme form. This one was fun, keep them coming.

Only two things that I saw this first time thru.

The river had, Bigger than the rest- Just curious here, The river had bigger what then the rest? I'm guessing rapids.....? I see up ahead, the biggest test, the river had, bigger rapids than the rest.

It's getting rougher still, Rocking back and forth, Arms getting weak, Just a little more--Forth and more don't rhyme so it throws off the end of the piece. You could try rearranging the words, something like this.....It's getting rougher still, rocking forth and back, arms getting tired, muscles under attack. Switching the words makes it so you can more easily keep the rhyme flowing, and the muscles under attack still shows that you could be growing weak from your adventure, so you still keep the same tone to the piece.

Just ideas and it is up to you how you write the piece, it is yours after all.

Hope I helped some.

[Lady V]

The imagery and adventures of Brandon. Dun Dun Dun. What is there to say but good job. When we are sleep we dream of what we want or what we have. Im ready to read the next one now.


Live, Love and Learn

Lady V

[Seriana]

Ha!! This one is cute. I think a wee bit of punctuation (like a myriad of !!!!!!!) would make it even more effective. But that's just me, I was adding them in my mind. I feel like I'm on a psychedelic ride through Brandonland! Keep them coming. :)