To love for a man

I take a deep breath

but i can't breathe

something is holding me down

i feel the tons of rocks accumulating

what have done to deserve such misery

then like an answer to my misery

the clouds clear up for me 

to see him coming beauty in a man

black hair, mixed with some silvers

broad shoulders and the touch of an angel

the weight has been lifted

the hate shifted

to love for a man

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I like this original approach to a love poem becuz of the way you describe how life is weighing down the narrator in the first stanza, then everything lightens up & turns bright in the second stanza, becuz of seeing one's special man. I like the unique details you use to describe both the oppression felt in stanza 1 (ton of rocks - nice analogy) and also the descriptions of the beloved in stanza 2 (black hair mixed with some silvers - original). This is the way to SHOW instead of TELL how the narrator is feeling.

[XO Vee]

Thank you so much; I have been trying to "use words to paint a picture" and I guess I tried to emphasize that in this poem THANK YOU so much for reading and your feedback is always amazing

[Benita Paloja]

So beautiful! “To love for a man” I can relate to that all to well! Thanks for sharing!! Xoxo

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the journey to understanding and peace in the words. Hard to lose fear and hate. But we must. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Schatzi]

Hello Anonymous; NONY.

Such a lovely poem.

I noted a few items. Please understand, the following is merely suggestions. Use them or ignore them as you see fit, but do not take offense because none is meant.

"i feel the [a ton] of rocks [have accumulated]
what have [I] done to deserve such misery[?]"

"mixed with some silvers" *silvers of what?

The last line seems incomplete. Perhaps add a few words, so that it reads: "[all for] the love [of] a man?

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[JamesQruer]

I like the approach. Finding someone special and that completes you is so uplifting. Loving some one can really take you out of misery.

[Anjali]

Short and sweet poem. I liked the way you expressed what's holding you down in the first paragraph and then the second one describing a ray of hope to love for a man. To me this line "the weight has been lifted the hate shifted to love for a man" is full of positivity. Keep up the good work Nony.

[XO Vee]

Thank you so much

[Valentine]

Never was hit this hard before. Love came to me much more sweetly. Valentine

[XO Vee]

Thank you :)

[Paul Bell]

Nice to see a man being appreciated. He could be superman flying in to lift those rocks off you.

[XO Vee]

Thank you :)

[C.J.H.]

Poems that make the reader see and feel, rather than think and visualize, are always best. There are true sorrows and triumphs in our lives, which others can learn and grow from. Thank you for sharing.

[XO Vee]

Thank you for reading and commenting

[Bala Gorthi]

So in this poem you are saying that love for someone, or the touch of that angel can lift the weight and bring an end to misery. I like the thought and its execution in two sections. I like the description of the man. I loved reading this beautiful poem.
Really Nony, in love, it really happens. That particular person looks no less beautiful or handsome than the person of your description.So take my bow for this.
Sometimes it is the Angels lifting the weight and sometimes it is our love that brings the change.
Love has many shades. I am sure other shades also come up in your write.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful write. Keep sharing.........:-):-):-)

[XO Vee]

Thank you so much your words inspire me and you break down all my pieces I don't even think of; I've loved and gone through pain I want everyone to see all. And at some points I want everyone to feel both. My life is far from perfect or even good but this helps me vent it all.