Scattered **

My heart

it shatters

once i think you don't want me anymore

i can't help but think

will we get through the worlds struggles

to one day be happy

to one day just spread joy and love

to one day grow old and laugh at our past

what can i forgive 

what just shouldn't be forgotten

what can i live with

is it true 

when it comes to men

do you just chose your poison

will everyone of them bite

it just depends on who's biting hard 

But i love him

how do i know 

will he ever leave me

he says no 

he swears on it 

but sometimes i just don't believe him

but i love him 

Scattered thoughts!

Author's Note

This poem is scattered for a reason, I know its a hard read but i needed to structure it this way so i hope you figure it out and feedback is always appreciated thank you :)

Reviews

[redzone]

your thoughts, scattered as they are (not meaning the structure) come through clearly... her is something to think about when structuring a poem (any poem and not just or even mainly this one) is that primarily structure is done to give the reader the way they want the poem to sound.. the spaces between words and lines are like taking breaths or like the tempo or beats in a song.. you jold some beats longer than other and also pause in the song for both effect and meaning... emphasizing different words and points of meaning...

not sure I am expressing this very well... in looking at your structure and also taking into consideration your desire for the scattering of lines and phrases, I think there is too much scattering here... some lines dpo not have to have 3 scatter thoughts on them... I do think you are on the right course by scattering I am just thinking that t could be more done with pauses and spacing that bring the piece together and yet still maintains that scattered look and feel as well as meaning...

obviously this is your creation and it is a good one, so take my thinking here as suggestions and ideas only.. cause a real critique would also contain some examples and sample structure to consider and think about and I have not done this..

thank you for sharing this poem NONY

redzone

[Paul Bell]

If they thoughts are in your head just now, they can only get stronger.
Leaving i suppose what you say, scattered thoughts.

[XO Vee]

thank you so much for reading

[Lydia Shutter]

A little difficult to read because of the placement of the lines...though I understand that was intentional. Thoughts are scattered when you are not sure what the other person has in mind. A unique write. Lydi**

[C.J.H.]

Wow I love this one a lot. I've toyed with structures some and I know it can be difficult. Well played and well written

[XO Vee]

Thank you so much I was afraid posting it; but Its that way for a reason.