XO V

Do you want to see what I see

Let me try and paint you a picture

Take one of the famous paintings from Pablo Picasso

A piece like "The Weeping Woman"

Such a magnificent work of art

People have admired for years and years

Have walked through museums

Have run their fingers across the piece

Admiring every inch and stroke

Imagining how he came up with this

How he managed to throw it together

And put it on a canvas

 

Now imagine you spending thousands and thousands

On a piece of such fame and such admiration

And in front of all grab a paint brush

Fill it with black paint so that it's dripping slowly from each side

And with no hesitation mark a big black dot in the middle of the artwork

Would tears well up?

Would people hate you?

Would you become the enemy?

Would you have hurt the people who put so much admiration into the piece?

That is exactly how it feels

Empty

Used

Bought out

And a piece of beautifully put together artwork

Abused

Left to mean nothing

But a distant memory

Reviews

[Irenic]

Bitter reality reminds us the bitter past of ours. You are right:)
Thanks for sharing:)

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSh..]

So elegantly put, why do we ever allow such abuse. The Weeping Woman is perfect for the symbolism here. On a second read I feel there are layers of meaning. This is something all writers hope to achieve.

Sheer Terror

[Anjali]

Creative way to write and express yourself. Though I couldn't understand at first but thanks for explaining me. Its a nice story.

[Bala Gorthi]

This is an interesting way of telling someone how much you detest that person. The last section is smartly crafted. Thanks for sharing this....

[D Connolly]

it seems like there's a lot of hurt and anger in this one

[Hebe]

Poetry to me is about what kind of emotion you achieve, in this poem I felt the exileration of seeing this masterpiece and then the other extreme in such short notice....I think you achieved the desired effect completely....

[JayG]

Breaking an essay into short lines does not a poem make.

[XO Vee]

Have you read Ellen Hopkins????? She tells a story with her whole book written in "poetry form"

[JayG]

She does, and it gets in the way. Without it it would be the same story, no more, or less, interesting. And, it would be a faster read. The rules of paragraphing and such were instituted to make it easier for the reader to "hear" the words as the author would speak them.

So it's a gimmick, and like all gimmicks, because it makes the reader's job harder, it must provide enough extra entertainment value to offset the extra work. In her case, it does.

Part of why is that the language and images are often poetic, where your language is prosaic. Part is because she's presenting a story. She also, unlike you, uses punctuation to make the reading easier.

This piece is an essay. And in it you open with, "Do you want to see what I see? Let me try and paint you a picture." But you paint no picture. Instead you talk ABOUT a picture, without mentioning things one might see or appreciate in it. You talk about people running a finger across it. But they never do because that's not permitted, Then you ask how the READER would feel if it were defaced—someone you know nothing about, and can't predict.

You follow that with "That is exactly how it feels." "It?" How what feels? You've identified nothing but a picture your reader probably not seen. And if I watched someone destroy a picture I certainly wouldn't feel "empty" or "bought out."

You can't know what a given reader responds with, and you haven't identified "it." And NONE of that has anything to do with making the reader "see" anything.

You're forgetting that while for you, the words call forth memories, ideas, and images stored in your mind, your intent doesn't, and can't, make it to the page. So the reader has only what the words mean to THEM, based on their background, needs, and understanding. So for them, the words call forth memories, ideas, and images stored in YOUR mind. So help them. Make the writing, itself evocative and vivid. Instead of talking at them—informing them—make them feel. That's what poetry is for, to evoke emotion, not talk abour someone else's

You can never justify a piece because someone did something like it, because each poem must stand on its own merit. Have your computer read this to you, and you'll hear the problems.

Not good news, I know, but you did ask, and it's something every writer needs to know.

[Valentine]

The last 17 lines where you are expressing your feelings are your best in this write. Valentine

[barleygirl]

Good backstory on the P.P. painting in the first stanza, which makes for a nice build-up to your deeper meaning toward the end. My only issue is that, in a museum, people do not touch artwork (it would be ruined in a year's time, if touching was allowed), so that part of stanza 1 didn't feel authentic to me. I found stanza 2 to be nicely imaginative, the way you described the specific way such artwork might be desecrated. And finally, of course, I'm totally loving your deeper meaning . . . how each person we meet is a work of art, but so often these treasures are defaced without thinking or even realizing. Your short inquiries & one-word lines in the second half of the poem are significant becuz of the way your poem goes from flowing lines to these short staccato bursts of seemingly painful judgment.

[Anonymous girl]

This is such a good piece so much meaning behind it, well done.