Chapter 4

The alarm was going off and it was so loud. It was playing my favorite song but I was ready to get up in a way. Toby was gonna pick me up but I told him not to as I was still angry with him. My mom brought me to school. I still had his basketball shorts and his sweatshirt but I wasn’t wearing them anymore because I’m so angry with him. My mom took me to school today and I was wearing my clothes and not Toby’s. It felt weird being in the same school as Toby. I can’t believe that he and I got into a fight.

Knowing where Toby was going to be, I ended up walking around until I wanted to go see my friends in the cafeteria. And I kinda figured that Toby was hanging with his ex-girlfriend and he was. It hurt me but I went over to my friends and sat there. I was so depressed and I talked to my friend about my weekend including the trip to the hospital. I told her about how the doctor gave me medication but I didn’t tell her I wasn’t taken them. I felt a stare grinning on me from Toby but I wasn’t willing to look his way. Half of me is feeling guilty for not letting Toby tell his side of the story. I wanna make up with him but I think I was wrong. I couldn’t deal with my inner emotions anymore so I got up and went to my first period class even though the bell hasn’t wrung yet. I sat in my seat, thinking and if my thinking conflicts with my school work, I’m screwed. Health would take my mind off of everything including Toby.

I thought I was able to get over the scent of Toby for the day but the truth is, I’m not. I brought his sweatshirt with me just in case I needed closure. I took my sweatshirt off and shoved it in my backpack as I took out Toby’s purple sweatshirt to put it on. It still had the scent of him on it. I think that I should go talk to Toby after school. Now that everything was cleared out of my mind, I had to focus on school and the works that follows. Around advisory time, Toby saw me and that was when I lost it. I ran straight into his arms and wrapped my shaky arms around his neck. The feel of him was amazing. I felt something wet dripping on my shoulder but it didn’t bother me as longs as I was in Toby’s arms. I had to pull away because now that me and Toby have made up in a way. During advisory, I hid behind my backpack so I could text Toby about today after school.

He agreed on driving me home but he was still concerned about my health and me not talking my medication. I was able to finally relax my mind but bad thoughts were training through. I tried to shake them from my head but they were still there. The bell rang again to let us out of advisory and I went to my locker to change my books. Toby went to his locker and did the same thing before heading towards me. I was attempting to focus my mind on school and nothing else. When I got up from my locker his hand found mine. We exchanged glances as we walked to our period 3 classes. I had Biology with Mr. Lovelace and Toby had Astronomy with Mr. Lowe. My stomach was doing alright for now but I did feel pain. I tried not to show it with Toby around. We walked up to his classroom where he wanted a kiss but instead he ended up kissing my head and getting a long hug.

I headed to my class as quickly as I could so I could get permission to use the bathroom. Mrs. Lovelace signed my pass and I was on my way to the bathroom. Just when I locked the stall, I felt my stomach move up into my mouth. It all came out at once and it hurt wicked badly. I stood there, bending over the toilet for a moment, just to make sure I was steady enough to return to class. I was only a bit dizzy when I made my way back to class. Class was easy for me to focus but those dark thoughts kept coming back to me. The time flew by really quickly and it was already lunch time. I ended up going to the library to pass the time and fool around on the computers. The time passed really quickly and because I have first lunch and Toby has second lunch, we were able to see each other. He was a gentleman to walk me back to class.

“You don’t always have to walk to me to class.”

“Yeah, well, I want to and I’m glad you came back to me. That fight was stupid.” Toby said.

“Let’s not talk about that.” I said trying to change the subject.

He went to lunch when I went inside my forensics room. We weren’t doing much as it was getting close to the end of the school year. Ms. Rosy decided to put on a CSI because not many people showed up to school. I knew Toby was at lunch but I wanted to text him. Whenever he and I text back and forth we end up saying something sweet or lovey dovey. It was really sweet knowing that I’m loved for who I am. Time was flying by so fast that I really didn’t have time to catch my breath. The bells kept on ringing as the lunches kept passing. The CSI we’re watching was really interesting. It was about this child gone missing and ending up dead at a golf course. At that point, I didn’t really want to text Toby because my attention was on the screen not my phone.

When the bell rang to dismiss us, Toby didn’t greet me this time but I was fine with it. I’ll still see him never the less because of the way I walk. His purple sweatshirt was making me a bit warm but to be honest, I didn’t care. Toby always stands outside of his classroom before going in but today he didn’t. I think now that we’re dating we have to concentrate on both school and making things work. I headed to the French Room where I was obviously awaiting to learn more French. For once, I was able to pay attention and actually learn instead of daydreaming and staring out into space. Mrs. Franka, my French teacher, let us off easy today by giving us some notes and the rest of the period to ourselves. I was anxiously waiting for Toby to bring me home because I wanted to explain to him why I was so angry. When the announcements came on, my anxiety level was rising to where my heartbeat was beating rapidly.

The bell rang and I thrust open the door to go to my locker. Toby walked straight by my locker to get to his. I had finished at my locker before Toby did so I surprised him at his. He had a smile on his face when he saw me. It didn’t take him long to finish up at his locker. Toby took my hand and we walked to where Max and their others friends were. When they saw us together, they were very happy. Max hates seeing his best friend all down and out.

“So you two are back together, I see.” Max tried to be a smartass.

“It was just an argument and I thought Toby had betrayed me but I think everything is okay for now.” I explained for the both of us.

Toby wrapped his arms around my neck and I was able to put my hands on top of his. We ended up talking for about five minutes before Toby led me to his truck. He took my backpack along with his and put it into the front seat. Then, he went around being a gentleman and opened my side door so I could get in and he ran around to his side to jump in. The car started when I had a burning sensation in my throat. We turned towards each other and that’s when I lost it. I leaned over and gave Toby a kiss. He put his hands on my face and put more power into the kiss. He let go to look at me. But I wanted more. This time I wanted him to taste my soft lips and nothing but that. When I was kissing him, I felt emotions come to my face. It felt so good to be able to kiss Toby again. Even thought I want to keep kissing Toby, I have to stop so I could explain to his what happened. I pulled away so he could get the clue that I needed to chat.

“Do you mind if we get going? I don’t want my stepdad getting mad at me.” I started out saying.

“Yeah.  Of course.” He said, getting his mind to focus.

Once the car started moving out of the parking lot, I told my story.

“I was angry at you because you told my mom about my little trip to the hospital. I would’ve told her when I was ready. I thought I could’ve trust you with one of my secrets. But I understand why you did it and now, I guess I’m thankful for it. I haven’t gotten any prescriptions filled because a.) I’m afraid of overdosing and b.) I can’t really swallow pills. You were only looking out for me and you were concerned about my health. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I started to choke up.

I guess I reached his soft spot because he started to cry as we were reaching Windy Ave. Never in my life have I ever seen Toby cry so hard. He finally got the nerve to pull himself together to actually answer my explanation.

“Yes, Lucy, I was so worried that I was literally pulling my hair out. Normally when somebody is prescribed medication, they get it filled and take it as prescribed. By the time you told your mom about this, you could’ve been in a worse situation than you are now. You should get your prescriptions filled hence what we’re going to do once we get to your house. I don’t want to see the women I love suffer for no reason. Lucy, I am always here for you, and you know that. I will make sure you take your pills when you’re suppose to so you won’t overdose and I can always break the pill up or get it into liquid form when we drop the prescriptions off.” Toby finished saying as we turned the corner to get into my neighborhood.

When we reached my house, Toby cut the engine and both of us went into my house. I thought my stepdad was going to be home when Toby and I got back. We were both surprised that no one was home. This is why I always wear my house key on my side. Toby followed me into my room where I was supposed to grab my prescriptions. We did something else instead.

“I want you.” I said. “I want you now. I want to be able to remember it instead of puking up blood afterwards. It’s not a fun memory.”

Toby gave in way to easily even though he wants me to get better. Nobody was home when we wanted to be alone. To be frankly honest, I started out by giving him a soft kiss while we were in the living room. We throw our backpacks into the corner. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stared into those deep hazel eyes. We started off nice and slow. The heat was starting to kick up between me and Toby. He started to unzip his purple sweatshirt off of me to reveal my shirt. My insides were getting all tangled up inside. We continued on teasing each other with our kisses. This time I was so anxious to get his shirt off to see his body again. Kind of playing peek-a-boo, Toby had a smile on after the shirt went over his head. At this point we started heading into the kitchen.

“Are you sure you want to do this? You don’t feel like throwing up or anything, do you?” he questioned.

“Toby, I don’t have a headache or anything. I feel perfectly fine. I’m just so excited that I’m with you and I know that you would protect me from anything including myself.”

I gave him a reassuring kiss that I was fine and nothing was going to happen. His hands moved from my face to the tails of my shirt. He kinda tugged just a little bit hard because he was getting antsy. I took off my shirt as I had a very good feeling that Toby was going to rip it off. Just to be extra safe, I also took my tank top off. When he spotted his turn, he didn’t take a hesitation. There was something in his eyes that was signaling to head to my bedroom. The tension was heating up before we even hit the bed. We kinda flopped on the bed instead of climbing on it and lying down. Toby was going slow so he could cover every inch. Every time he reaches my pants, he always goes back up close to my mouth when he went for my mouth; it was my time to have some fun. He was a bit confused but somehow he got the clue that two could play this game.

I started off by kissing his mouth and staring in his eyes before moving lower. The one thing about a man’s body is that you wanna go slowly so you can cover every inch of the body. You could feel and hear Toby’s body tremble and shake. It was such a cool feeling. Just like Toby did, I nibbled on his neck. I thought it was a bit awkward but he seemed to enjoy it. Something in Toby’s pants was poking me and well, I ignored it because I was still working on his upper half. Besides nibbling on his neck, I trained kisses down the middle of his torso. Toby couldn’t fight the fire in his pants anymore. He flipped our positions so he could be on top and in control instead of on the bottom suffering. From then on, he undid my pants and was able to remove them from my body. He took what he wanted off and nothing was left except a naked body that Toby wanted. After removing an article of clothing, Toby always resorts back to my mouth where he can kiss it as many times as he wants to.

“Did you know that you’re the prettiest girl I have ever seen naked? I swear I could take a picture and it wouldn’t be as pretty as you are now.”

No one has ever brought tears of joy to my face but Toby was the first one to do so. We were just talking for a moment before we continued.

“Thank you. I have to say the same thing about you because it’s true. The only thing is that I want to finish undressing you to get that better picture and the full view.” I said as I was undoing his belt of his pants.

The butterflies in my stomach were now sinking lower into my stomach as I was unbuttoning his jeans. Once it was unbuttoned, I unzipped it and rolled him over to take his pants off. He was kinda laughing but more in a playful way. When his jeans were off, I got to stare at the full length picture from head to toe. Making a comeback, Toby flopped over on top of me to start. I was ready for him to make me a better person inside. Being a careful player, Toby kinda played a little game called do you want it or not. It was teasing me but made me feel good inside. Knowing Toby, he didn’t want to tease me for long so he just put it in which brought a smart a*s smile onto my face. I didn’t mind him being inside me as long as he doesn’t hurt me. I let him take control until he felt it was enough and he was tired. The blankets were already on top of us so I moved closer to Toby to snuggle. Never in my life have I felt so good.

For now, I think all of the bad thoughts have gone away. My brain was a little bit fuzzy on my thoughts but as long as I’m with Toby, I felt safer than ever. I put my head into his shoulders and his other hand connected with the hand that is lying limp less on his chest. A sign of relief was released from men and then Toby as we lay there together. I was able to let the little tears that were cornered up in my eyes, go and fall onto his chest. It was on 2:30 when we looked at the clock. Being in Toby’s arms and lying up against his body means that everything was going to be okay. Toby was just staring at me while my head was faced south and he was stroking my hair. We just laid there until I dreaded to move. He was wondering why I had to move as both of us were so comfy.

“If we don’t move now, we’ll never movie and it’s almost time for my brother to get off the bus.” I said as I sat up with the covers still on top of me.

“I agree. I do want to go fill your prescriptions so you don’t have to suffer anymore than you have to.”

I walked through my house trying to distinguish which were Toby’s clothes and which were my clothes. The two of us got dressed in the kitchen. When we were through, I was the one who was staring at Toby. Everything about him was so perfect and I could never give anything up for him. Because I loved him so much, I was the one to kiss him and look him straight in the eyes to tell him how much I love him.

“I have to go if you want me to come back and spend the afternoon with you.” He said.

I was alright with what he said and it makes more sense when you think about it. He unhooked his car keys from the side of his pants and started heading towards the front door. I followed but stopped at the door to watch Toby leave. He stepped down onto the front step and turned around to give one last kiss before he left. I watched him walk to his car which was parked in my driveway. This is one of those things that I could get use to. Before I knew it, it was time to go out to the bus stop to pick up Kyle. When he got off the bus, he was wicked happy to see me and frankly, to be honest, so was I. Lately, I felt that Kyle and I haven’t seen each other. Everything was trying to get back to normal except for throwing up blood thing.

Kyle and I were sitting at the kitchen table trying to tackle down his homework. It was a spelling worksheet that was two-sided. He didn’t like two-sided papers but as long as you took it one step at a time, you would get it accomplished. When we were halfway through the second side of the sheet, the door opened and closed with a bang. Toby was back with a whole bunch of paper bags. That’s how much medicine I had to take every day, twice a day. He looked really cool and good looking with his sunglasses on and his car keys in his hand. That’s the one thing that gets me upset a lot. The fact that he can drive and I can’t makes me go insane. I have no idea why but it just does. It’s one of those things that I can never let go. I finished homework with Kyle and I let him ride his bike out front after he had a snack so I wouldn’t hear that he was hungry. While Kyle was munching on his snack, Toby had gotten all the pills together for me to take. I stood at the counter with him and got out a clean glass for water.

“You know you can do thin. You won’t overdose because I am keeping all of your pills on me. Take one pill at a time and drink some water. I promise you, I won’t let anything happen to you.” Toby promised.

He has my trust so with my shaky hand; I took one pill and attempted to swallow it. It went down so east that I didn’t really feel it but my throat was burning so badly that water was the only thing that would make it feel right. With every pill I swallowed, my throat was on fire to a point where I kept the water at my sides. Once I was done, I smiled at Toby with the face of you-happy. He just smiled back and went outside. I didn’t want to be alone in the house so I followed Toby out front so the both of us could watch Kyle ride his bike. Being bare foot is one of the best things you can do for your feet because when you put your shoes back on, your shoes feel so soft. To surprise Toby, I came up behind him and grabbed his hand. His head turned towards me where he got a smile in return from me. I guess I’m pretty lucky to have a guy like Toby. The one who takes care of you when you get sick or the one who puts the smile on your face even after he makes fun of you for so long. Holding hands makes both me and Toby’s hand sweaty but then again we are outside. Standing outside with Toby and watching Kyle ride his bike made me realize the good things in life but I still had those awful thoughts that were lingering in my head. At five, Toby had to go back to his mom’s house before my mom gets home. She doesn’t like it when I have a boy at the house when she’s not home.