Chapter 5

It was getting a bit not out but I was doing alright. There was no dizziness or the feeling of throwing up. But it was time for Toby to go home and also time for Kyle to come in for dinner. I gave Kyle some extra minutes outside as I needed to say goodbye to Toby. We stood there, staring at each other just for a moment before I moved in to make my move. Instead of having his hands on the side of my face, he decided to put his hands on my waits for some reason; my arms always end up around his neck. Besides the fact, this was a perfect way to end my day. Sooner or later, Toby and I had to part our lips from each other but he grabbed my hand when I tried to walk towards the street. The only thing he did was squeeze my hand which made me laugh and he also asked me to go inside to grab my medication. He was going to hold onto it so my fear of overdosing doesn’t happen. I brought them up to his car window so he would have them. Toby, then, gave me a last kiss good night as he left for the evening.

We went inside as I needed to make dinner for me and Kyle. Dinner was already pre-made so all I had to do was reheat it in the microwave. Kyle always complains about what’s for dinner but for once, it was something he liked. I didn’t have to ask for Kyle to come to the kitchen table because he could tell when it was dinner time. Kyle is the type of kid that does require an explanation of some sort. The kitchen table was really quiet except for when the fork clashed with the glass bowl. This medication was really taking a toll on me by making me very tired.

After finishing supper, I laid down on the couch as I told Kyle he could play wii again. My phone was always with me and it’s always by my side. Toby was texting me to make sure that everything was okay. I did hint though in one of my text messages that I was getting very sleepy. He got the hint and checked all of the side effects of the medications. They didn’t say anything about drowsiness on the labels but it also didn’t mean that Toby checks the fine print. The last thing I remembered was my mom coming home. I was in so much of deep sleep that I didn’t feel my mom shake me. She was trying to shake me to wake me up so everyone could go to bed. At that point, I got up, got dressed for bed, and made sure I went pee. I undid my bed and made sure everything was set for the morning. When the lights went off, that’s when I fell into deep sleep again. I didn’t even toss and turn like I normally do. This medication must have a major effect on me. I awoke around three in the morning. And man I was wide awake.

Everything was mostly ready but the one thing I didn’t do was my homework. Man, if my mom found out, she would’ve flipped on me. But the first thing I did was text Toby to let him know that I was up and that I couldn’t sleep anymore. He didn’t respond but on my phone, I can tell when and if he checked his text messages. My homework wasn’t so hard and it wasn’t all that much. It only took a half hour to complete everything, except for studying. I never study for anything. I either have to know it or I don’t. I made the two hours pass quickly by thinking. I was actually thinking about suicide. Linda got up around five thirty to take her shower. Before she took her shower, I had taken mine. When the clock read six fifteen, that was when I got ready for school. I didn’t pick out my outfit out the night before because I ended up falling asleep before I was supposed to.

When the time came, I was ready to be taken to school. My mom was gonna take me to school this morning. Toby was texting me and I told him to bring my medication with him so I could take it. But little did he know, I was going to attempt after school. There was one thing that I needed to make sure my mom knew.

“Mom, I want to let you know that Toby got my medication filled and the reason I was sleepy was because of that. And I love you, mom.” Those were my last words.

I got out of the car when we pulled up to school. Toby was waiting for me as I crossed the street. I faked a smile just to make sure Toby understood that I was happy to see him. As soon as I reached Toby, I went into him. He then put his arm around my shoulders so I was in the comfort of his scent. You could tell that I was yearning for him by wrapping my arms around his waist as we walked into the school. Because we were so use to going straight to the cafeteria, our feet walked there to the last table. We sat down and I asked for my medication. He put his bag onto the table and took out what I asked for. As he took out each one, I read the side effects after taking one of each. Eventually I found the medication that made me so drowsy but I wasn’t going to take it. I gave him all the medicine back to put in his backpack so my fear of overdosing won’t happen.

“Do you mind not taking me home today? I kinda wanna walk to allow myself to think clearly. But tomorrow you can take me to school or tonight can you stop by?” I suggested.

“That’s fine with me. I understand you need your space.”

We went through the whole day without kissing. Some point throughout the day, Toby does give me a soft kiss on my head to express our love. The more Toby thought of the idea, the more he wanted to see me after school. He made it clear to me that he would see me around four tonight before dinner time. Today was one of those days that we didn’t have lunch together. It was fine with me but I know how much Toby loves spending time with me. I dunno if it’s my mind or the medication that is making me really depressed. Lunch period, lunch, and last period went by wicked fast. Must’ve been because of all the work we’re doing. It’s the end of the year wrap up stuff which sucks. My last class was somewhat near my locker and also somewhat near Toby.

He kinda ignored me when the bell rang for the last time of the day. I was behind him heading to my locker to change books and grab homework for the following day. Like always, Toby always finishes at his locker before me. But he hesitated to stop at my locker. Knowing where Toby would be, I went the same way as I was yearning for a kiss from him. When I spotted Max, I also spotted Toby knowing they would hang out before departing. Not really caring what everyone thinks about me and Toby, I grabbed him and spun him around so my soft tender lips could catch his one last time. Then I walked away so I could walk and be home before Kyle gets off the bus. The walk wasn’t that long and it gave me ideas for this afternoon. People were honking at me as I was walking by. Things were starting to come to me like how and when .When I got home, I checked to see if I had the materials. Truth was I did and it was taken place downstairs once Kyle is done with homework.

Kyle’s bus came and went and he is always excited to see me. But something seems really off with him. He didn’t give me any hassles at homework time like he normally does. It could’ve been the mood he was in or someone might’ve pissed him off at school. We didn’t get done with homework until around three forty. I told Kyle I would be downstairs if he needed me. I went onto the finished side where the futon was with boxes filled with my stepdad’s stuff. He had found a place to live in another town and was moving out. There was a small hole on the beam and I was able to tie the rope through the hole. I also made the rope that was gonna goo around my neck big enough for my head but small enough for my neck.

I was kinda nervous but it was whatever. I did hear Kyle play upstairs and the footsteps of the dogs on the hardwoods. One thing I did before I put the rope on was leave the lights on. With a soothing breath, I put the rope over my neck. The rope wasn’t long but short enough because I am very tall. My head wasn’t with me but my hands didn’t hesitate. I took a last breath before tightening the rope. My hands tightened the rope slowly as I was trying to take easy breaths. It came to a point where I said screw it and had it tightened to where I passed out. It was all black and white from there. I couldn’t see anything. One thing that Toby knows for sure when he enters my house is to come right on in and always check on Kyle just to make sure that he was okay in his room. Kyle would know that it’s Toby because he always calls out and always knocks on his door before entering. Another sign that Toby was in the house was him always jingling his keys.

The dogs knew it was Toby just by the way he treated them with the love and affection. Toby is a big sucker for animals. He also brought his backpack over because he normally does homework with me. Normally, Toby has to pee when he comes over but for some reason, he went before he left. Kyle turned his head before Toby even knocked on his door. The smile Kyle always gives got even bigger when he saw Toby.

“Wanna play cars with me?” Kyle asked.

“Not right now bud. I’m looking for your sister. Is she around?”

“Yeah. She said she had to go downstairs. I think that’s where she is now. Once you see her, will you play?”

“Of course.” Toby said pleasingly.

Toby stared into Kyle’s room as Kyle resumed playing with him toys. Without making a sound, Toby was able to go downstairs where he found the lights still on. The first instinct was to look to the left and nobody was there so that was when Toby retraced his steps to the finished side. He was watching his feet move when he saw my feet. They were dangling from the ground. That was when Toby’s full gaze went straight up to where the rope was tied around my neck. A scream was starting to develop at the bottom of his throat. His eyes were glued to my stand still body as his hands were fumbling to get his phone out of his jeans pocket. The minute he dialed 9-1-1, Toby felt like passing out.

“911, what’s your emergency?” the operator responded.

“My girlfriend hung herself but I think she’s still alive. I need medical assistance fast.”

“A rescue is being sent out. Please hold tight until they get there. Attempt to take her down.” The operator recommended before ending the line.

The operator was right. Toby needs to attempt taking the rope off of my neck and getting me down. His other concern was Kyle. Kyle didn’t know anything about this and one thing Toby needed to do was keep him calm, quiet, and not worried. Toby kept an eye out for the ambulance after he got me down from the beam. The fact that Kyle was playing in his room made everything easy for Toby to cope with. He was playing nicely before Toby interrupted his play time.

“Hey bud, some people are gonna come into the house. Lucy got hurt downstairs so help is on the way. When the people show up, that’s when I’ll come in and play with you.” Toby promised.

He tried not to show the fear he was experiencing. Kyle lost interest in Toby watching him so he went back to playing with his toys and watching his television. The dogs were starting to bark and when they do that, it normally means that someone is here. Toby ran to the door where he looked in the window before opening the door, but he was also tall so he could’ve looked in the top window that was on the door.

“She’s downstairs. Follow me.”

Toby was trying not to shed a tear when he was showing the EMT’s where the basement door was. He went down with them just in case they didn’t find her. Staring at me made Toby think of how this could’ve happened. You should always follow your instincts because Toby had this crazy feeling that something was wrong when I had asked him not to drive me home. As much as Toby wanted to stare at my non-moving body, he had promised Kyle that he would play cars with him. Maybe that would help take everything off of his mind. Playing with Kyle helped Toby be occupied while they were taking care of me. About fifteen minutes later, Toby heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

“Hey. Kyle, I’ll be right back. I have to talk to the EMT’s.” Toby explained.

Kyle understood what I meant and again he had no interest. The last guy came up the stairs as the gurney was making its way to the truck. He asked if we could talk in the living room.

“To me, it looks like a suicide attempt. The rope and the way she had it set up gave me the clues. She’s going to the hospital now but we need some general information about her. I need her name, age, date of birth, weight and height.” The guy requested. 

“Her-r name is Lucy Travis. She’s fifteen and her date of birth is 03/13/95. Her height is about 5’9” and I think she weighs about two-hundred and forty five pounds. Can the hospital call me when she wakes up? My number is 745-9321.” Toby said before saying goodbye to his girlfriend.

It took a while for Toby to physically close the door. He kept staring at it to see if I would come back .Kyle snuck up on Toby by walking quietly out of his room. Once Toby noticed Kyle by his side, he put his arm around him and held him close. They stood there for a moment before Kyle got the nerve to shut the door for Toby. He, also, dragged Toby back into his room so both can be distracted. Toby and Kyle get along so quick that Kyle has a new friend which is my boyfriend. He kept asking Toby what’s for dinner and Toby’s reply was wait until you mom comes home. And that was a good decision because Linda had no clue on what was for dinner. While the boys were playing with the toys, Toby’s cell phone was vibrating non-stop. That meant someone was calling him but he didn’t recognize the number. The more he thought about it, the more it could be the hospital where Lucy is at. Hesitating before answering made Toby’s finger shake over the answer key.

“Hello.”

“Toby, this is Trisha from the hospital. Lucy is awake but she’s very quiet, distant, and is throwing up this red liquid. The doctors want to know if she was on any medications.”

As soon as she said that, ever thing made sense. I tried to commit suicide because of the medication I was taking.

“Trisha, the more I think of it, Lucy was on medication because she kept throwing up blood. She also might be quiet and distant because she thinks that I’m angry at her for this. But I’m not.”

“May I ask what prescriptions of medication she’s on?”

Toby gave Trisha all of the details that she needed. When he got off the phone, both Kyle and Toby heard the front door slam. The one thing Toby didn’t want to do but he had to was tell my mom why I’m in the hospital yet again. With Kyle only being eight, he still runs to his mom when she comes home. The first thing that comes out of his mouth was “what’s for dinner.” When my mom was gonna ask where I was, Toby said that he needed to have a chat with her. Linda went inside her room to take her jewelry off. That’s when Toby followed her and sat on the bed.

“Linda,” he paused. “Lucy’s in the hospital again. And this time it’s not for throwing up blood.”

“What do you mean she’s in the hospital again?” Linda questioned.

“I mean she’s in the hospital because she attempted to commit suicide by hanging herself.”

“No, she didn’t. You’re probably just lying.”

“I knew something was up when she asked me this morning not to drive her home. She told me to come over around four today and when I came, I asked Kyle where Lucy was. His reply was that she was downstairs. And she was. She was hanging from the beam by the rope. I would never lie to you and you know that, Linda.”

“She’s at the hospital, you said?” Linda sighed.

“Yes, I’m about to go see her and get answers to the questions I have.”

Linda closed the door to her room as she needed to tell Toby something that Kyle didn’t need to hear. It was something that was hard to say but eventually it came out one way or another.

“It’s kinda a good thing that Lucy is in the hospital. Her real father has been in contact with me. I don’t want to tell her because I don’t want her to get her hopes up. Do you promise not to tell her?”

“Look Linda, I got to get going. I need to go see her. She left being so out of it and I need to make things right.”

Toby opened up Lind’s door to enter the kitchen. His backpack was just lying on the couch while his keys were busy hanging on his side. Right now Toby needed comfort and a hug from Kyle was what was needed. He got down to Kyle’s level and gave him a really long hug. The person who never sheds a tear actually shed a tear when he had Kyle’s hands around his neck. He pulled back.

“Look, Kyle. As much as I want to stay I have to go but I promise I will be back.”

On the way to the hospital, Toby took the long way to think about what Linda had said to him before he left. About a half hour later, Toby reached the hospital. He knew what room I was in but he made a stop before making his way to my floor. I was just staring out into space when I noticed some movement happening outside my door. With everything on his mind, Toby entered. When he entered, the only emotion I felt was sadness. As soon as he grabbed my hand, I just let the tears flow because I was really sad and hurt by the actions I took. A bear was in his hands. Without thinking or hesitating, the bear ended up having my arms wrapped around the bear. Toby was trying not to show any emotions as he walked to the chair. I felt the bear being there was someone who understood what I was going through.

Sooner or later, Toby was going to have to face his fears of talking about what happened. Going from sad to anger in minutes, questions were overcoming his thoughts. I ended up turning on my side as the need to throw up was climbing up my throat. The waterworks were turning on slowly but I knew sooner or later, Toby needed answers. He started to open his mouth to say something but then closed it to choose his words wisely.

“Why did you hang yourself, Lucy? I don’t get it. You had everything you wanted and you almost threw it down the toilet. So please explain yourself as I am clueless.”