Chapter 6

The tears were coming down my face at a faster pace.

“It was the medication. I kept getting there awful thoughts in my head that I couldn’t shake off. When I walked home today, I was certain I wanted to die than take those awful pills. I’m so sorry that you were the one who found me knocked out.”

“How do I know it’s the medication? Whenever you’re around me and take it, you’re fine and all of a sudden, you’re not. I knew I should’ve followed you home. And I also knew that something was up with you but I couldn’t figure it out. You shouldn’t be sorry. Be thankful Kyle didn’t find you.” Toby exclaimed before stomping out.

When Toby stomped out, that made me cry harder to a point where I cried myself to sleep. I woke up to Trisha checking on me again. Every time she comes in to check on me, she asks if I feel like puking. And to be honest, that is one thing that is pissing me off besides Toby. I was still yearning for him to kiss me or touch me in his certain way. Trisha overheard my conversation with Toby and she said that she was sorry the way it turned out. The one thing I did ask was to use the phone as mine is just chilling on my bed at home. It wasn’t an issue as Trisha did have something that she wanted to share with me. Something about me peeing in a cup?

“Do you remember when we had you pee in a cup when you were first admitted to the hospital?”

“TheoneafterIwokeup? Yeah. I think I remember. Why?” I questioned with squinted eyes.

“Yes. The one when you woke up. And well there were some tests that were put into action and I have the results.”

“So tell me. You’re keeping me in suspense and I really wanna know.”

“You might not be happy with this but you’re a couple days pregnant.”

“I’m pregnant? That can’t be. The first time was after prom, so that would be Saturday early morning and that was also when I was admitted to the hospital for throwing up blood. The second time I had sex was yesterday afternoon. Both times I could’ve sworn we used protection.” I exclaimed.

“Well maybe the condom broke but these tests were run twice and both had concluded that you are, indeed, pregnant. And you said you needed to use the phone?”

“Yes.”

How could I be pregnant? This must be a big joke! My head went into overload and this time, it wasn’t the medication. The nurse brought a phone that I could use so I could call Toby. He was the one man in my life that I needed right now. Before the nurse walked out of the room, I had questioned it again.

“Are you sure you tested the right pee? It could be a mix up.”

The nurse walked out of the room as I dialed Toby’s number. I kept getting the ringing sound and it’s cleared to me that Toby is either not answering or something has happened to him. When Toby’s cell phone rings, he always picks up unless he is really mad at you or doesn’t wanna talk to you. I dialed his number again. Same thing. After trying his number for the third time, I left a message saying that we needed to talk as soon as he got the message. Waiting for Toby to call me back left me a lot of time to think about my actions. I ran my hand over the imprinted marks on my neck to remind me of why I was in the hospital and why Toby and I aren’t speaking.

“Did you get a hold of Toby?” Trisha asked. 

“Did you double check the pee?”

“Yes, you’re right. It wasn’t yours. So sorry for the mix up but you haven’t answered my question.”

The phone rang interrupting my conversation with the nurse.

“Hello.” I answered.

“Hey, you needed to speak with me?”

“Yes, I do. Can you come down to the hospital so we can talk face to face?”

“Sure. How about you look at your door?” he replied.

While still on the phone, I turned my head into that direction and a teary smile came across my face. I ended the call and handed the phone back to Trisha who quietly made her way out of the room. The bear that Toby gave me never left my side as I hoped Toby would be back and he was. With a hand gesture, Toby knew that I wanted him in my bed so I could snuggle up with him. There was something tucked underneath Toby’s arms. As he came closer, you could tell that it was my favorite pillow (Mr. Penguin) and Toby’s favorite blanket. I’ve only been going out with Toby since Thursday and he knows a lot about me. And this was kinda obvious when girls snuggle or cuddle with guys, they love having their bare chest exposed. So what does Toby do? He removes his shirt as he gets settled into my hospital bed. I spread the blanket over both of us once I remove the one that the hospital gave me. Besides having Toby’s arm as a pillow, Mr. Penguin opened up and was placed on Toby’s chest.

The more I snuggled with Toby, the more my cries become sobs. Toby pushed my body closer to his so I could bury my face. His warm skin touched me and spent sparks of fire through my veins. It was one of those times where I didn’t want to move but I also knew that I had to face the fire even if I wasn’t ready to. I waited for my tears to stop and go away before I looked up into that gorgeous face of his. He was staring out into space but his face expression was different.

“Toby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for almost ending my life. With the medication I was on, I wasn’t thinking straight and I wasn’t myself. I am very thankful that Kyle wasn’t the one who found me. Every time I run my hand over the indents it left, it makes me cry. There’s some other news that I need to pass on to you.”

“What is it? Is it news I will like?” Toby questioned.

“Well, first they mixed up my pee sample with someone else’s so I’m not pregnant like Trisha said I was. And they’re keeping me overnight for observations. They say I should be released as early as five am and the latest being six forty five am. They will not put me on any meds but they are prescribing me to see a therapist at some point.”

“I guess that is news that I like to hear. And I also have some news but I don’t know how excited you’ll be.”

“Oh. Just spill it.” I said with excitement.

“Your mom told me not to tell you but I think you should know. Your biological father has been emailing with your mother.”

“My what?”

“It’s what you always wanted, wasn’t it? Your biological father is still alive and wants you in his life. But the thing is, do you want him in your life?”

Wow, I was just blown away by that question. He has missed out on the first fifteen years of my life, so why should I get to know him. Half of me was debating about this when I found myself extremely tired. Remember cuddling up to Toby before being totally out. He was calling out my name as he expected for me to answer before he looked down at the lifeless me. Since Toby saw me sleeping, he thought why not considering he will need the sleep. About half way through the night, I had this terrible dream that awoke me from the deep sleep I was in. I was kinda glad that I didn’t awake Toby. In my head, I was wondering where my cell phone was but then realized that it was at home and Toby’s phone was in his pocket. An idea came to mind but I had to remember to be quiet as I didn’t want Toby to wake up. He always keeps his phone in his right pocket of his jeans so he knows where it was.

One of his hands was on his left leg where one of my hands was conjoined with his. My other hand went into his right pocket and pulled out his phone. When it was in my sight, I hid it so it looked like I was just readjusting myself on Toby. His eye opened a peek but only to check that I was still there. When I was sure that he was still asleep, I texted my mom. I basically screamed at her through a text. She didn’t respond because it was only two am. To try not to feel guilty, I put Toby’s phone back in his pocket before he woke up. I rested my head back on his chest to try to catch some more Zzzz’s. But knowing me, that didn’t really happen. With his chest still exposed, I was able to kiss him there and that woke him up. At first, he was trying to figure out where he was but then he looked down and into my eyes.

“It was only you.”

“Yes. It was me. I’m sorry to awake you. I had a bad dream and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I think it was from almost killing myself that was haunting me.” I explained.

“You never answered my question before you decided to go to sleep.” Toby reminded me.

“Oh.”

When I was sleeping, I had been thinking about and finally I came to a conclusion. I wanna let him into my life.

“Well,” I said. “I had been thinking about it. And well…I want him in my life. I’m tired of being ordered around by my stepdad. I want him in my life so he could see my accomplishments.”

I looked up at him and without thinking; I gave him a kiss that I had wanted for a really long time. Toby didn’t pull away as he was enjoying it. Kissing him made me feel more human then I have ever felt. But he did stop as he had something to say to me.

“I know what you did when you were awake. I saw the light and I know who you were texting to but I don’t know the message and half of me doesn’t want to know. And if I was in your situation about my dad, I would do the same thing to.”

At that time, I removed Mr. Penguin from Toby’s chest. I made sure his arms were around me. My head was tucked into his chest where I was able to get the whiff of him. My legs were tangled in with his. I was able to fall back asleep for a couple of hours before my inner clock went off. When I woke up, I was still in Toby’s arms and Trisha came back in to check on me.

“Good morning, Lucy. How are you feeling? Does Toby being here help?”

“I feel fine. I don’t feel dizzy or have a headache. I think everything is going well so far. Having Toby here makes me feel good about myself despite the fight that we had.”

“Well, the doctor is going to give you one more look over and then Toby will sign your discharge papers and then you’re fess to go.” Trisha explained.

Toby woke up from the much needed three more hours of sleep before the doctor came in. The doctor checked me over and gave me a prescription for therapy and told me not to take any of the pills that were described to me previously. As the doctor was leaving, Trisha was entering the room with the papers. Toby had lied to Trisha earlier saying that he was eighteen so he could sign me out. I put the clothes on that I was admitted into the hospital with. Toby pulled me off of the bed so I could stand up and stretch as I have been lying down for a while. Between the two of us, we folded up the blanket and grabbed Mr. Penguin before we left the hospital room for good. I was carrying the majority of the stuff while Toby’s arm was wrapped around my waist to keep steady. We were able to make it to Toby’s car before I felt like I was going to collapse. We were gonna go to my house first but then decided that it was a bad idea.

Heading back to Toby’s mom’s house was a relief. He took a shower there and got his stuff ready for school. All of my stuff was at my house and I still had homework to do. Before we left the house for mine, Mrs. MacStar had offered me breakfast but I declined saying I wasn’t hungry when in fact I was. While in the hospital, I refused to eat. I thought that I didn’t deserve to eat and that I should starve. Toby ate like a horse but then again he hasn’t eaten since lunch time yesterday. Both of us said our goodbyes before entering the car. It was now time to stop at my house so I could shower and change. I dreaded it though because I didn’t want to talk to my mom, never mind see her. My clothes were recently washed and were sitting on the back of the couch. Toby’s basketball shorts and sweatshirt were on the top of the pile. I started to strip while I was making my way into the bathroom. Toby wanted to chat with my mom while I was in the shower.

Thoughts zoomed my head as I was washing the hospital smell off of me. My hands went over the marks that brought chills to me. I made my shower quick so I could spend the rest of my time getting ready for school. It was only Wednesday but I hope nobody got the news that I had attempted suicide. When Toby took out his phone, he didn’t realize that Linda had responded. He left the message unread so I could be the first to read it. I opened the door of the bathroom so I could cross over to my room so I could get ready. Normally when I first come out of the shower, I just sit on my bed but realizing the time mean I didn’t have time for this. While my hair was drying in the towel, I went over to my closet to pick out my outfit for school. That was when Toby started talking to Linda. She needed to know what was going on.

“While Lucy’s in the process of getting dressed, I want to give you the update of what happened while she was in the hospital.”

“That would be nice to know since I wasn’t there and you were.”

“We first started out with a fight but we ended making up later on in the night. She explained why she attempted suicide. And I also slipped something about her father while she had a pregnancy scare.” Toby summed it all up.

“Wow. Did they take a sample of her urine? Why did she almost commit suicide? And you did what?” Linda exclaimed.

“Apparently what happened was that they got her pee and someone else’s pee mixed up. One of the medications that she was on was giving her bad thoughts which led to attempted suicide, and I told her about how her biological father has been staying in contact with you. Oh, just to let you know. She’s really pissed at you for not telling her. I asked her if she wanted him in her life and she said she did.”

“It was one of her medications that were making her do that? Wow. She only took one dose of it so far. There are things in life that I don’t understand. This being one of them. That would explain the long text I got from your phone early this morning.”

When I came out of my room with my dirty clothes, Toby and Linda were still talking about what had happened back in the hospital. I went back into my room to finish getting ready. There was one thing that my mom had to tell Toby so he knows the loop of things.

“How do you think Lucy and Kyle would respond to me joining the army?”

“I think it would be tougher on Lucy than anything. She needs a mom more than anything. I mean I’m here for her and Kyle but she needs her mom.” Toby expressed his opinion.

That was when I came out of my room ready to go to school but minus the sweatshirt. It was still on the top of my clothes pile. I was always crazy one when it came to the spring time weather. My mom was gonna let me slip with no sweatshirt but she handed the sweatshirt to Toby just in case I was cold. We grabbed our backpacks and went to Toby’s car as we headed to school. One thing I was afraid of was everybody asking about my marks on my neck. It was a fear that I would have to put aside for now and move on with my life. Toby parked in the back parking lot as I wanted to go to the cafeteria so I could do my homework from the night before. When we entered the cafeteria, it was about seven and left me with about twenty minutes to do my homework. It turns out that I was freezing but that didn’t stop me from slowing down my pace. It was a race against time and I won. Not time.

I ended up asking Toby for his sweatshirt as I was freezing. But Toby was wearing it and his cell phone was in the pocket. Because I’m his girlfriend, I ended up getting to wear his sweatshirt again. As I went to put my hands in his pocket, I found his cell phone which had one text message unread. Lifting my head up, I got the go ahead to read that text. It was from my mom. She was only apologizing and said that she wanted it to be heard from her when the time was right. It was one of those things that I had to forgive and forget. I handed Toby back his phone as he put it in his pocket before pulling me close. There was something else he wanted to tell me but it wasn’t his place to tell. He gave me a good morning kiss before he walked to Mr. Lova’s room. That was one thing I didn’t want to do in the morning. When I entered the classroom, I was actually grateful to see everyone. I made sure that my neck wasn’t visible because I was so not ready to be questioned by my classmates.

Today’s geometry class turned out to be a day that we had a pop quiz. At least that’s a good thing for me because Toby helps me study as he has already passed this course last year. The quiz didn’t take very long and after, we had notes to take and diagrams to draw. Period 7 is my all time favorite class. It’s the class that I look forward to everyday unless it drops out of the schedule. Since the teacher gave us the last five minutes to ourselves, I was thinking about when my father and I could meet. It didn’t take me long to decide when I wanted to meet him. My mind went into over thinking when the bell rang to end the period. I passed Toby in the hall as I was making my way to forensics. We only passed, not stop and talk. This was one of those times that I had to concentrate on school and not my family. The seniors were still here and they had a countdown until it was the end of final exams. Our final exam for this class is starting in two weeks.

After Forensics was Health and between those two subjects, I was able to think long and hard. My neck doesn’t really hurt but I am surprised that no one has really noticed and yes, that is a good thing. As soon as that bell rang for us to go to advisory, I started to feel a bit dizzy. I was hoping it could hold off until I was at my locker and near Toby. His smell on his sweatshirt wasn’t helping me either and I was starting to get really warm in it. When I reached my locker, Toby was finishing up at his so he could come see me. The first thing I did once my backpack was off my back and my locker opened (thanks to Toby), I took the sweatshirt off. My hand brushed against Toby’s skin and he was freezing. I forced him to wear his sweatshirt as he refused. I finished exchanging my books for my afternoon classes.