Chapter 7

“You do know that you will have to face your mom sooner? Don’t be mad at her. She’s your mom.”

“Toby, you don’t know my mom. She never lies to me or keeps secrets. I’m pissed at her because she told my boyfriend first before me. And I had to hear it from my boyfriend and not my mom. And I have an idea I would like to propose to you.”

“I would love to hear it,” Toby said.

“I want you to think about this. What’s your opining about us having children?”

Just as I said that the bell for advisory rang. I gave his hand a squeeze before going into the classroom. I was scared of what Bianca and my other classmates think of my neck. I think this is the first time my teachers were asking me how the prom went. I told them that prom was really fun and I’m glad I got to go. It was actually a surprise to me and they wanted to see pictures so I took out my IPod touch where all of my pictures are saved for when I posted them on Facebook. My advisors were in complete shock of how beautiful and how amazing I looked with my boyfriend Toby. I wasn’t in the mood for talking. I was more in the mood for thinking and daydreaming about how the meet would go with my father if I ever meet with him when I daydream; I normally stare out into space and focus on one thing. One person kept saying my name over and over again before they started to slap me on my arm. I looked at the person who was slapping me and it was one of my classmates. They had wanted to know how I got the marks on my neck. At that point, I froze. Nothing inside me moved and my heart actually stopped. I had to think of a lie and I had to do it quickly. I told them my necklace was on too tight yesterday.

Yes, I know it was a stupid lie but what else what I going to say; that I almost committed suicide. Word would go around fast just like it did back in March when Toby was going out with this other girl; he had hurt me so bad and made me so sad that I began to cut myself on my wrists. It took my neighbor to yell at me to realize that cutting my wrists is a bad thing. One bad cut and you could be dead. Sooner or later, I will have to start telling my story to my classmates especially the nosy ones. I went back into deep thought before the bell rang for the second half of the day. I didn’t have to walk for to reach Toby’s advisory as it’s next to mine. When he came out, his sweatshirt was in his hands and told me to follow him. I followed him to his locker where he needed to put something away.

“Did anyone ask you about you marks?” Toby questioned as he unlocked his locker.

“Yes. One person did and I had to lie and say that it way my necklace that I wore yesterday and it was too tight. They left it at that.”

“You can’t run from the truth as it will come back to bite you in the butt. I can also tell that you’ve been thinking. It’s the expression on your face.” He said as he turned towards me.

 The locker slammed shut as I went into Toby for support. The touch and feel of him helps me relax. He didn’t speak a word about what I proposed to him before advisory. We walked to our period 3 classes as they were near each other. I gave him a kiss before walking away to my class. He still had his thinning face on when he entered his Astrology class. For once, I was actually able to concentrate on Biology. All of my thoughts went into the back of my head. We were learning about how Human Impact has effect on our environment. Most days we take notes but today Mrs. Lovelace had decided to do a lab instead of notes to give us a break. The lab took the whole period and she didn’t assign us any homework for the night. My only struggle comes when I take a quiz or test in her class.

At the end of class, everyone was standing up and waiting for the bell to ring. When it did, the hallways filled with students heading to the cafeteria for first lunch or heading to their period 1 classes. This time Toby was waiting for me to come out of the classroom so both of us could walk.

“If you could wait for me before you go to lunch, I would love to walk with you and we also need to discuss some things.”

“That’s fine with me. Should I meet you halfway?” I questioned.

“You can if you want to.” He responded before pulling me into a bear hug.

Toby loves to either receive a hug or give a hug. And getting a hug from Toby is the best gift you could ever get. I watched him walk away to English before I went into my French room it was a lunch period and it’s always gonna fly by fast. Especially second lunch. For some reason, I’ve been focusing the entire second half of the day. I was anticipating my lunch with Toby as I wanted to hear what Toby had to say. I was learning a lot of French this period when I learned that Toby had sent me a quick text. The only way I could read the text is if my bag was on the desk and my phone inside. The text read to see Mrs. MacStar after lunch as she needed to talk to me. While we were doing our work, the first bell rang for lunch. Because we were in the other half of school, we go on the first bell and not the second. I ended up waiting for Toby to reach my classroom.

To surprise me, Toby snuck up behind my back and gave me a quick kiss on my neck which made me giggle. My hand found his as we made our way to the cafeteria. We were tryi8ng to find a seat that we could face each other and talk. Once we found a spot, we sat down and that’s when I told Toby to go get lunch as we had a lot to talk about. The lunch line was long when Toby entered it. But it didn’t take Toby long to get lunch as he was only getting chips and a bottle of water. When he got back to sit down, that’s when we started to get going.

“So, I, um, though about what you proposed to me. I think we should have kids but not while were still in school. During the summer would be a good time to try,”

“I thought you would think that I’m crazy for wanting kids at a young age. I guess you’re not.”

“Well, with your mom going into the army, a kid would be helpful to not only you but to me.” He explained before he took a sip of water.

He saw the reaction on my face.

“You didn’t know?”

That was when I had to leave.

“I’m so sorry.” I apologized as the fireworks were coming.

I made a bee line for the bathroom as I started to get really shaky. Once, at the bathroom, I was able to let it go. It was silent but at least it wasn’t sobbing like before. My hand ran over my marks as a reminder of how strong I am for myself and my family. Something came across my mind. How come I was hearing all of this from Toby and not my mom? With the sound of the bell ringing, I exited the bathroom and waited for Toby to come out of the cafeteria. There was still reminisce of soaked eyes when I spotted him. If there’s one thing to learn, it’s not to run away from your problems. I attempted to put a smile on my face when I returned to his side.

The first thing I did was lean into his side for support. Something that Toby is good at is telling how I’m feeling. While leaning into his side, I felt a hand go around my waist and pull me close. I was trying so hard not to cry again. Having Toby’s arm around me didn’t’ seem right. He felt that I was uncomfortable and removed his arm while finding my hand to hold. I ended up walking Toby back to his English class. I was close to tears again so I buried my head into the crook of Toby’s neck while his hands were on my waist. He whispered into my ear to go see his mom before he kissed the top of my head. As much as I didn’t want to go, I did, knowing it was the right choice. Mrs. MacStar’s room was unlocked and she was in there preparing for the rest of the day.

“Hey, Mrs. MacStar, I got word from Toby that you wanted to see me or speak to me.”

“Yes. You are correct. I wanted to talk to about your eating habits.”

“What about them?”

I moved closer to her desk so I could hear what she had to say. She stood up as she had wanted to be eye level when she told me this.

“Have you been eating lately? And what happened to your neck?” Mrs. MacStar said in shock.

“I haven’t really eaten because of my medication that I was previously on but as of this morning taken off. It’s nothing.”

I put my hands on my neck to attempt to hide my marks but Mrs. MacStar ordered me to remove my hands so she could see what I was attempting to cover up.

“What are the marks from?” Mrs. MacStar asked.

“I tried to commit suicide yesterday afternoon. Those marks are from the rope that I used. Someone had already asked me about my marks earlier and I had to lie. It’s why Toby was at my house yesterday and at the hospital. I don’t eat because I don’t have the appetite anymore ever since my mom told me that she and my stepdad are splitting.” I explained.

After a moment, Mrs. MacStar finally said something.

“Lucy, if you continue to not eat, then you are at a great chance of getting a sickness. You need to eat. Your body needs it nutrients and not eating is making you weak. And if you were having thoughts about ending your life, you should’ve talk to someone. You should’ve talked with Toby.”

“Well, Mrs. MacStar, I thought I was the perfect girlfriend for Toby but now I guess I’m the girlfriend that enters the hospital, one too many times.”

I had to leave it at that because I felt like crying again and I don’t cry in front of my boyfriend’s mom while in school. She was calling after me but I ignored her and went back to French. Once the room was unlocked, everyone went in and finished working on our work before lunch. That was the only thing that Mrs. Franka had planned for us. I finished with about five minutes to spare and sat there to think. As much as I wanted to be near Toby, I ended up going the opposite way than where he was going. Hopefully, Toby would be okay with that. History is always a fun subject to learn considering all the teacher does is PowerPoint’s and talk instead of reading from a book. Time always flies when you pay attention to what the teacher got interrupted by the afternoon announcements but after that we always get let go.

Toby was on the other half of the school but he also go let go early so he could make it to his locker. While he was at his locker, Mrs. MacStar went to go chat with Toby. I ignored them to concentrate on what I needed to take home with me since Toby was gonna drive me. We both met each other halfway. His arm drifted over to my waist and he looked forward. I had put my sadness aside and walked forward with Toby.

“I am going to take you out for a late lunch as we didn’t finish our talk at lunch.”

Our feet landed at Max’s locker where Toby wanted to tell Max something. I didn’t want to stand next to Toby anymore. Instead, I moved inside of him for his arms to be around my neck and around my waist. When I did this, Toby knew that I was starting to get uncomfortable. He ended up saying goodbye to Max as we headed to his car.

“How does going to lunch at Wendy’s sound?” Toby suggested.

“It sounds fine to me. I really don’t care where we go to eat.”

I was still angry at Toby for earlier at lunch. I didn’t want anything to eat as if I did, I’m pretty sure it would come up violently. He drove while I stared out the window as we made our way to Wendy’s. Half of me wasn’t prepared to talk with Toby while the other half is still off with my mom. When she came home today, I had to tell and explain everything that has happened. The both of us got out of the car at the same time. Truth is there were butterflies in my stomach and this has never happened with Toby. Toby is such a gentleman when he opens the restaurant for his woman. I smiled when I passed him as he continued to pen the other door for me. Toby was first to order a burger and fries with a coke while I ordered just a water. That is what put Toby off the deep in.

As soon as we go the tray of food, we sat down in a corner where no one could see what we were doing.

“Lucy, the point of me bringing you out to a late lunch is for you to eat.” Toby explained.

“Sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’m not really hungry so all I wanted was water. I’m f*****g everything up and I don’t mean to.” I said as I started to cry.

“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I want to finish our conversation from today at lunch.” Toby said as he picked up a fry to dunk into ketchup.

I took a big gulp of water as I prepared myself for what Toby had to say to me.

“Having children will keep you company while your mom goes into the arm y and while you’re still going through the divorce. I’m sorry that your mom hasn’t told you this.”

When Toby took a bite of his burger, I took a fry and dipped it into the ketchup to show Toby that I do eat sometimes but not all the time. I looked into his eyes when I said this.

“Why did you tell me all of that? The stuff about my mom going into the army. Why is it you telling me and not my mom?”

“For some odd reason, your mom is telling me stuff that I’m not supposed to tell you. But the thing is I don’t keep secrets because then I tell the other person who they don’t want me to tell. And finally, I was waiting for you to cave into the food.”

I watched Toby finish his lunch as I was satisfied with his decision. Not only do I want kids, but so does he. I’m talking that his mom talked to him about my eating problem. When he was done, he motioned for me to follow him back to his car. The both of us climbed into the front seat. It was only two fifteen when I looked at the clock. We were sitting in the front seat making out so it would make me feel better about myself. When Toby’s hands moved down towards my neck, I started to pull away. I didn’t mean to but knowing him, he was going to touch it.

“Please. Don’t touch down there. I get the chills whenever someone touches it.”

He went back to kissing me and instead of hands going to my neck, they went to my shoulders. I wasn’t afraid of kissing Toby, I was just afraid. My mind was made up quick. I would let Toby touch it so he can understand better. His hand was about to move back to grab my hair when I pulled back again. This time I had a smile on my face. I took his hand, knowing I can trust him. When I put his hand over my marks, I felt a smile peeking on his face and felt one on my face. I felt the chill but it was a warm chill. He pulled his hand back knowing how much it’s hurting me. I gave him a soft kiss before getting out of the back of his car. Toby followed me and started the car. As he was pulling out of Wendy’s driveway, his hand was outstretched to take mine.

I laughed and put my hand in his as we made our way back to my house. It was a nice day to be out and once Kyle is done with homework, I’m shipping everyone outside, including me. Toby parked in my driveway but made enough room so my mom’s car can fit since it’s her driveway. I was the first one to open the car door and get out because Toby was busy listening to a favorite song of his. He took forever to get out of the car so I pulled him out. That’s right. I’m strong enough to pull a seventeen year old boy out of his car. Toby laughed a big laugh as he was finally out of the car. But he had to grab the keys out of the ignition. It was about two thirty when I finally unlocked the front door.

My dogs were crossing their t’s and dotting their I’s. They were also excited to see Toby because they wouldn’t go outside when I was calling them. The dogs did their business quickly as they wanted to see Toby. He was busy sitting in the living room on the phone with his mom. That was one conversation that I was going to say out of. I ended up doing the things that I would normally do before Kyle comes home. The strongest thing is walking into my house where I almost ended my life. When I returned to the living room, Toby was off the phone but he was texting. He felt my gaze on him as he was finishing the text that he was going to send. The black phone slid back into Toby’s right front pocket. Then, he patted his knee for me to sit on it and cuddle until it was time to get Kyle. Once I was on his lap, I curled up into a ball with my head in the crook of his neck.

“Do you want to sleep and I get Kyle or both of us goes to get him?” Toby asked.

As much as I wanted to stay like that I couldn’t.  I got off of Toby’s lap as both of us went outside to Kyle’s bus stop. I walked in step with Toby’s stride. Our arms were swinging as we clasped hands with each other. I was actually able to think openly and let my mind wander for once. We stood the way I would stand if we were at Max’s locker. Toby kept whispering lovey dovey stuff in my ear that made me laugh and love Toby even more. My hands moved upwards towards Toby’s neck so my fingers could interlock with one another. His fingers were running up and down my arm and was tickling me when the bus came down the street. That was one of the things that was making me go into a better mood. Knowing my brother is home safe and sound is always a good thing once Kyle got off the bus, he took Toby’s hand.