Chapter 9

“Alright, Lucy. What’s going on? You and Toby never sit here unless something drastic has happened.”

Tears were already falling from my face as the sadness got worse.

“I found out last night that my mom is leaving after she drops off Kyle at school. She’s going into the army.”

“So what’ the big deal?”

“The big deal is that she’s the only parent that lives in my house so now all of the responsibilities have fallen on me. It includes paying the bills and making sure that my brother has everything that he needs. This is gonna be like having my own kid except it’s my brother.” I explained.

“We’re all here if you need any of us. We all have your back and you know it.”

“Thanks guys.”

To hear that from my friends means the world to me. I was happy and laughing in Toby’s arms. Knowing I was happy made Toby happy. When I stood up, Toby noticed I was wearing his shorts. Before we knew it, we had to get going to period 5 before the bell rang. We walked together and I stopped at Toby’s Chemistry room. He gave me a deep kiss that would last me until advisory time. After going from his classroom to mine, I was able to take a deep breath as class began. As much as I wanted to cry, my mom wants me to do really good in school. I pushed everything out of my mind so I could focus. Some of my classmates were questioning why I was wearing my boyfriend’s shorts. And I told them why. Not only are they comfortable but they had the scent of Toby on them that reassures me of everything. As much as I wanted to concentrate on school, I couldn’t. I miss my mom a little too much. Half of me wanted to cry during the day and the other half wanted to sleep as last night turned into an all nighter.  My mind was back in the parking lot where I hugged my mom goodbye. Knowing how strong I am, I was able to attempt to focus on my school work.

Even my teachers noticed that I wasn’t focused. Ms. Rosy noticed how down and out I was and wanted to know what was up with me. I told her that my mother left this morning for basic training. As soon as I said that, she understood everything. She was going to ease off on the class work but I told her not to. It would give me something else to concentrate on than my mom. The work she gave out to everybody was a blood lab and our last lab for the year as we have finals the week after next week. I was looking forward to advisory as I had something I needed to tell Toby. When the bell rang, I was the first one to jump out of my seat and head to the door. Toby and I meted half way to our advisories. We joined hands and walked to our lockers. On the way, I mentioned to Toby that I wanted to speak with him. Both of us made it quick at our lockers so I could spill what II needed to spill. I gave him a hug as I desperately needed one.

“I can’t do this.” I confessed.

“Yes, you can. Nothing is gonna be different.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Toby. Everything is going to change including me. I’m gonna be more of a mom to Kyle than a sister. I’m not prepared for this.”

“You’ll do fine and you know it. You’re just overreacting. And besides, I’ll be there to assist in any possible way that I can.”

“All of my teachers have been noticing that I’m very distance today. I explain the situation and they don’t want to give me school work where school work can actually take my mind off of it.”

Toby gave me silence before he pulled my lips to his for a kiss before the bell rang. He noticed a tear was slipping from my eye when he pulled me back from him. That tear was wiped away and was replaced with words.

“I love you. Everything is going to be okay. Go into advisory and we’ll text.”

I shook my head in agreement as I did what I was told. But before I went in, I tricked Toby and forced myself up on my toes to give Toby one last kiss. His response was a stare that I rolled my eyes at. He watched me open the door and go in before he did. The girl that came up to me yesterday came up to me again once my butt hit the seat. I swear I really didn’t want to talk to anyone.

“I heard that those marks aren’t from a necklace. I heard a rumor that you attempted.”

“Please. Stop talking to me. Can’t you tell I’m upset and don’t want to talk to anyone.” I almost screamed at her.

Everyone had stopped what they’re doing including the teachers to see what was going on. I felt tears coming on and I couldn’t let anyone see. One of my advisory teachers had asked if I would like to cool down in the hallway and I had accepted. Sat down on the ground where my locker was located. My backpack hid the light of my phone so I could text Toby. He was one of the only ones who could calm me down. The text was very simple. When I saw him advisory door open, a whole bunch of relief was released. Toby was the only one I could talk to about this. He sat cross-legged across from me. The only thing he said to me was “spill”.

Normally, when he says something like that, he means it. I kinda hesitated but this needed to get out of my system.

“I almost lost it. This girl kept badgering about how I got there marks.” I pointed to my neck.

“Did you tell anyone how you got the marks?” Toby asked.

“No. She asked how I got them and lied to her. I covered it up by saying my necklace was too tight.”

“Sooner or later, you’re gonna have to let everyone know what happened.”

“Once I make my therapist appointment and talk to them, I might consider it.”

“That’s a start, Lucy. I think that’s something you’re going to need while going through this period of time.”

“Toby, what I don’t understand is why I almost snapped and had everybody’s attention.”

Toby moved to the side that I was sitting on and pulled me onto his lap so I could have the comfort of him.

“I think the reason why you snapped is because of all the stress that is now being put on you. And I think that girl pushed you to your limit today after what had already happened.” Toby explained.

I was able to cry in the crook of Toby’s neck until I felt that I couldn’t cry anymore. I moved my head out of his neck and gave him a thank-you kiss. I straightened myself out on Toby so I could look him in the eye when I said this.

“Toby, I thank you for everything that you have done for not only Kyle but for me, too. I wish I could do something in return for everything you’ve done.” I sighed.

“You are doing something in return for me, Lucy.”

“What do you mean?” I said as I confused myself.

“I mean that you’re the most amazing girlfriend that I’ve ever had. I’m able to understand you when you need the understanding. I’m able to be there for you when you need it most like now. I feel that you’re the only one who actually understands me more than my friends. And that my honey bear is the truth.”

I felt loved just to relax in Toby’s arms. Half of me already feels more stressed than anything.

“I don’t think I can last the rest of the day. I really don’t feel well and I just don’t want to move from this spot. I’m also really scared.”

“I know you are. But the both of us will get through this together. If you go through this alone, I’m afraid that we’re going to have to bury you and I don’t think I could handle that.” Toby explained.

In order to get moving, I had to get up as the bell was getting ready to ring. We gave each other a quick kiss before I reentered the classroom to collect my belongings. I ignored everyone including Bianca who wanted to know what had happened. I told her that when I was ready to talk, I’ll talk but until then I wanted peace. I attempted to push everything out of my mind. But the sadness was still able to tell on my face. Toby surprised me by pulling my hand as he wanted me to follow him before going to Gym and History. I really wasn’t in the mood for Toby’s tricks as I just wanted to finish the school day. Toby led me to Max’s locker so I could have a good laugh. We had a couple of minutes to spare before class had started.

Toby was able to go behind me and have his hands wrapped around my neck. I was able to feel my face going too wicked hot like I was embarrassed or something. But I wasn’t. Exhaustion was starting to get the best of me. My body was trembling and I felt like I lost some color. That was one of the things that Toby had noticed before he tightened his grip on me. To stop the “lights from going out”, I let my head rest on Toby’s arm before we had to move. I remember hearing Toby laughing and joking around with Max before he nudged me to start walking. We were outside my History room when we had to say goodbye but the both of us had first lunch so it would only be forty-seven minutes before I see him again. I was thanking god when I walked in and saw the T.V. getting cued up for a movie. It was basically gonna be a nap-time period.

As much as I was tired, this movie was really interesting. The movie we were watching had to do with the topic we were currently discussing or studying. When you don’t watch the time, it flies by especially when you’re watching a good movie. The teacher shut the movie off when there was five minutes left and let us chat our little hearts out. Normally I would take up on the offer but this time around, I felt like talking would make me cry and I’ve been crying for the last fourteen hours. I think that’s enough for one day. Most of us were using our cell phones to text. It was tempting but that was another thing that would make me upset. Everyone put their phones away when the bell rang and scurried out of the class room. I’m normally the third one out but today I felt like taking my time because it was now time for lunch. I took my time getting to the cafeteria but followed the traffic flow so I wouldn’t stop the ongoing traffic.

I think there’s one good thing that I admire about Toby and that’s because he’s always a gentleman. He was waiting for me at the double doors near the library. I made my arms swing so we could play who could catch what arm. Once our arms met, I brought the hooked hands to my face to feel Toby’s skin. At that point, I just wanted to be in his arms. Finding a spot at a lunch table wasn’t hard. One of Toby’s friends was saving us a spot. That was nice of them. I attempted to put a smile on my face and try not to think about anything. All of Toby’s friends seem to be in a happy mood. Toby asked me to watch his bag while he went to go get his burger and fries. That was when his friends got the opportunity to actually get to know me.

“Are you happy to be with Toby?”

“Yes. Very happy, despite everything that has happened.”

“What do you mean?

“Ever since Saturday, I have been in the hospital twice. One for throwing up blood, hence why I don’t really eat. And well, I rather not explain the second one until I’m ready. “

“What do you mean you’re not ready?”

“Not ready for what?” Toby interrupted.

“Not ready to tell them about my family.” I finished explaining, while giving his friends “the look”.

“Well, when you’re ready to tell them, you can.” Toby advised.

With his burger and fried, Toby also bought a bottle of water and a bag of chips for me. No…Wait…He bought two bottle of water so he can have one. For once, I was actually eating the bag of chips that Toby had bought. While he was eating his burger, he had one arm around my shoulder. Despite all the sadness I was feeling, I actually felt like I belonged somewhere. The bell rang just as Toby finished his lunch. We walked each other back to class even though I didn’t want to leave Toby. What is it with today and movies? For the majority of the day in most of my classes, we were watching movies. To keep myself from going insane, my phone was inside my bag. I texted Toby while trying not to get caught. Almost most of his texts ended with “I love you”. I could feel tears starting to trickle down my face.

While balancing my phone on my lap, I was able to wipe the dripping makeup off. The person who was sitting next to me was asking me if I was okay. Truth is I was fine, I was just emotional.  This period was long period as all four lunches were taking place. After hearing all the bells ring, the one to dismiss us finally rang. Having French last meant I was closer to Toby than before. As much as I wanted to see him, I was walking in front of him and ignored him as I went into my French room. Because of sitting in the back, I saw when Toby passed and saw a smile somewhat appear on his face. I shook my head, thinking to myself that sometimes Toby is silly. When Mrs. Franka came into the room, she shut the lights off to get everyone’s attention. Lemme tell you something, it did awake me.

Today was all about speaking and learning more verbs. After taking notes, Mrs. Franka decided to let us have a little bit of fun. We played a game to see if we understood what we just learned. I was actually able to have some fun before the end of the school day came. Once the afternoon announcements came on, I fell silent. I wasn’t ready to leave just yet. I must’ve gone off plane because I didn’t hear the bell ring. My feet walked me to the door and then to my locker where I got the books that I needed to take home and for the next day. Toby came over to my locker and decided to play a game with me. He kept poking me in the back and I would have to guess who it was until he gave up and spun me around. I went into him head first without thinking straight. Both of us stood there until one of us decided to move.

“I don’t think I can walk. Can you give me a piggy back ride?” I asked.

Toby handed me his backpack so it ended up on my back and told me to jump. I tried to make sure that when my legs went up to his waist, not to kick his balls. I also rested my head into his back as we made the way to his car.

“Thanks.” I said as he put me in the front seat of his car.

Both of our backpacks ended up being tossed into the front seat. At that moment, I was ready to go into a crying fit but I didn’t. I needed to be strong for Kyle. Toby got into his car and started the engine, that’s when I decided to let what’s on my mind out.

“I asked for you to carry me because my knees were getting ready to buckle and that can’t happen in front of everyone. I am trying to be strong. It’s just hard. Especially the first night.”

“Lucy, you will do fine. Everything is going to be okay. I’m gonna sleep over so that you have someone here besides Kyle to be with you.” He responded.

“I know I will be fine but I’m growing up way too fast and everything needs to slow down. You don’t have to spend the night if you don’t want to but that’s your call. I need to have a routine so everything isn’t out of order.”

Toby put his hand on my knee but slowly it inched up my thigh. Oddly, I knew what he wanted to do later on. And it wasn’t a shock. I interlocked my hand with the hand crawling up my thigh. It was then pulled up to my face where it caught a tear. He kept his eyes on the road the whole way to my house. Once the engine was cut, I attempted to get on my feet. I pushed myself up so I could stand straight up. Thank god, Toby had parked on the even pavement instead of the rough patch. It was just what I thought would happen. I ended up dropping to my knees and sobbing. I was so NOT ready for this.

When I was ready, I attempted to get back on my feet. Toby had both of our bags on his shoulders. With a shaky first step, I was able to walk to my front door and unlock it. It was when we were inside that I felt the need of Toby to be on me. Knowing how much of a wreck I was, Toby let the dogs out as I cuddled up on the couch. The dogs came in not a second later that started to stare into space. My dog Bear was able to smell and feel the sadness that I’m feeling. I’m glad that someone else understands me. The dog isn’t allowed on the couch because he sheds a lot. I managed to move my body to the floor where Bear could attack me. Having dog slobber all over you means you’re loved in every way by them. Bear finally settled down after slobbering me and jumping onto Toby.

Sitting on the floor with a sixty-five pound lap dog on your lap makes you think a lot. And thinking was actually clearing and unconfusing my mind. Toby knows most of the face expressions that cross my face. To reassure me, Toby moved across the room and sat on the side of me. He put his hand on my knee and squeezed it. That made me give a little smile. Realizing what Toby was doing, I let him lead me. It may have disturbed the dog but I really don’t care. Once into Toby’s lap, he had his arms wrapped around me so I wouldn’t fall off. I also wrapped my hands around his neck for more support. A big fresh batch of tears was rolling in. It was hard to stop it but I think this is the time to let it out. When the first tear came rolling down, the rest followed shortly after. I cried so hard that I was shaking so badly. Toby was rocking me to help calm me down. That really didn’t work. I rested my head below his chin so I could stare out into space.

I worked the courage up to put my face inches away from Toby’s. Slowly but surely our faces met and our lips interlocked. After we kissed, I rested my head on his shoulder until the time passed. When the time came, I got up and told Toby to stay put until I came back with Kyle. I hope that Toby could understand. My feelings were coming together now where I finally understood. It was time to face my fears of being a mother/ sister to Kyle. My body was facing the direction of the way that the bus comes. To see Angel in the window means a whole lot to me. It made the smile that I was waiting for, appear. All I heard was “Lucy” and I turned to see Angel running towards me. It was one of those things that made me feel better about myself. About a minute later, the bus came and Angel started jumping up and down.