Chapter 11

When the bell rang, I sprinted to period 5 English Honors. I wanted to vent about what happened but I knew I had to wait. My English teacher gave me a lot of work so I had a lot of concentration time and less thinking time. When I get so upset, I sometimes cut myself. I’m mostly afraid of going home and it just being me and Kyle. The day past on and I knew there was something that I was forgetting to do that I need to do once school lets out. Advisory basically saved my life from boredom. I sat in my life corner and decided to text my mother back so she knows that I’m not ignoring her. It didn’t take me long to think about what I had wanted to say. My mind was screaming with thoughts inside that needed to be said in my text. I didn’t think about sighing after sending it, I just did it. I couldn’t wait to see Toby again. Mrs. Lexa came over to my desk and handed me an envelope that somehow founded its way into her mailbox. My suspicion grew wilder than ever.

The only thing that really caught my eye was how my name was the only thing written on the envelope. The shakiness of the hands returned as I slid my finger underneath the top of the envelope. A piece of paper that was folded in three’s was what was in the envelope. The paper made a crinkling noise when it unraveled.  It was a long letter that was addressed to me. My eyes ran frantically across the page. What shocked me the most was being right. I knew my dad was gonna get in contact with me but I didn’t know when and how. He basically said that he wants to get back in my life after never being in it. Brett is the name of my father. He was the one who put his penis in my mother’s vagina to make me.  The letter was basically an introduction to who he was and how I could believe that it was definitely was him. There were some key things that he hit on in the letter. What I mean is that he’s proving what my mom had told me when I was little. It made me realize that he was my father and he isn’t lying about who he says he is.

Bianca was sitting next to me texting her boyfriend who was giving her grief. This was exciting news that I had to share with her. When she finally put her phone down and looked up, she realized that was waiting for her to be done with what she was doing. I showed her the letter that Brett had written to me. It was close enough to resemble my hand writing. There was a blank look on Bianca’s face and I was confused on what it meant. She started to tell me what she thought of the letter and what it meant. It was one of those things that I had to tell Toby. The bell rang to dismiss advisory and it was time to reveal what I was hiding. Because of me ending up going to my locker before advisory, I grabbed everything I needed for the rest of the day.

This time Toby wasn’t smart; he went to his locker after advisory because he had to speak with his math teacher after class. So now when advisory let out, Toby made his way to his locker. I waited for him to unlock his locker so I could talk to him about what I got in advisory. One of his famous smiles came across his face when he saw mw beside his locker.

“Guess what just happened?”

“What?”

“I got an envelope from my advisory teacher with only my name on it. It kinda freaked me out but I opened it anyways. And if you don’t believe me, Bianca is my witness. I read the letter and it was from my dad.”

“Your dad?”

“Yes, my dad. He introduced himself and wants to meet up with me. Half of me wants too but the other part is saying don’t do it. I don’t know what to do and I’m under so much stress.”

Toby locked his locker back up so no one could get into his locker. He was giving me the silent treatment because he knew something like this was gonna come along, but he didn’t know when. For Toby giving me the silent treatment means that he knows something from my mom and won’t share what he knows. His period 1 class and my period 1 class were close to each other so we didn’t venture far. Well, maybe to Max’s locker but that’s a different story.

“You know something and you’re not telling me!” I stated, trying to play detective.

His eyes were giving off a cold stare. If you dare to look in his eyes, it would be worth your fate. I wish Toby didn’t have this type of relationship with my mother. Finally, his lips parts and out came words with meaning.

“Yes, you’re right. I do know something that you don’t know. And that’s because of the relationship that I have with your mother. I knew your father was trying to get in contact with you but I didn’t know how.” Toby confessed.

“Now that you’ve confessed, I have something else to confess. I had a feeling that my dad was gonna get in contact with me but I didn’t know how or when. I’m scared to meet him.”

“Wow. It must be those crazy feelings that you get. Why are you scared to meet him? He’s your father. You should be wicked happy.” Toby tried some words of encouragement.

“I am happy that he got in contact with me. I’m scared because of the way he treated my mother fifteen years ago. I just don’t want to experience the same thing that she went through. “

Toby understood where I was coming from .We walked around this time instead of stopping at Max’s locker. But Max was walking with us because he was bored. The bell was close to ringing for period 1 to start. When we got to Mrs. Franka’s room, Toby gave me a long kiss before he headed to his English class. My seat was in the back of the classroom, so I could text if I needed to. Today in French was a review of what we did yesterday. With everything that has happened so far, I needed some time to think about what I just learned about. I took the folded letter out of my back pocket to reread it and let it all sink in. Line by line, I read and analyzed the letter.  I couldn’t grasp how I got so many different traits from him. I went into deep thought about how I could respond to his letter. French flew by really quickly and for once, I surprised Toby. I was the one who showed up at his English class.

Toby could see that I had a strange look on my face. To reassure me, Toby grabbed my hand and pulled it close to him to treasure forever. We took the long way to get to my history room. There was so much that I needed to let off of my mind but now wasn’t the time for it. As we approached my history room, I was waiting for Toby to leave me so I could sort out what U needed to say to him. I still needed to contact a therapist because of my near death experience. I was enjoying what my teacher was doing to entertain us. The majority of me is thinking about how my father got in contact with me. Curiosity had followed me to lunch. Instead of going to lunch, I ventured into the library. I was so exhausted that I think I might take a nap. When I sat down, my father’s letter was bothering me. I brought the letter with me as it was bugging me to reread it. Carefully, I reopened the folded letter, trying not to tip it. I took my time reading the letter word by word until they sunk into my brain. Everything seemed so unreal that nothing could wrap around my head.

I was ready to give up on my classes. There is so much on my mind that kept bothering me. With a wandering mind, I was able to make lunch, the rest of history and Biology go by extremely fast. Mrs. Lovelace sent me on a mission to return the white bucket to Mr. Lowe’s room where Toby was. She wanted to make sure that I was okay so she sent me on a walk. It wasn’t a long one but it did me some good. When I got to the room, the door was closed so I knocked on it. The teacher opened the door as he continued teaching the class. I walked in and put the bucket back where I found it. The bucket area just had to be next to the table that Toby was sitting at. He stuck his hand out when I walked towards him. I didn’t want to squeeze his hand so instead; I wrapped my arms around his neck for a quick hug before I went back to my class. I was on the high of Toby and no one could get me off of it. The last and final bell rang before the weekend.

I got out before Toby and I had wanted to go to my locker so I could get organized before Monday morning came. The majority of people in the hallways was in little groups and wouldn’t move out of the way. At that point, Toby caught up with me because of the traffic. There was a smile on his face but that’s because he was laughing at something he thought of. We went our separate ways so we could get done quicker. Once the locker was open, I was disgusted with the way I kept it. Between me and the person I share a locker with, I was the neater one. The garbage was on one side and the materials/books were on the other side. I put the books messily in the locker while I picked up the trash to throw it away. When I came back to my locker, I found Toby reopening my locker for me. I wanted to thank him but I wanted to organize by myself. My mind spoke itself.

“Do you mind? I’m trying to organize my locker so I can clear my mind.”

Toby saw how emotional I was and brought my face to his in surprise.

“I love you. You can tell me anything. I’m here for you.”

I took a deep breath before I got back to what I was doing. I separated my books from my partner’s books and organized accordingly. It didn’t take long as I knew what I was doing. At that point, I just wanted to go home and sleep. I grabbed Toby’s hand and started swinging our arms to a random beat. Toby had one of his looks on his face that was a weird one. He could tell that I was itching to tell him something.

“Alright. What’s on your mind?” Toby said as he was going along with my little game.

“Well…,” I led on. “I got a letter today that was in an envelope that had my first and last name only written on it. And guess who it was from?”

“Who?”

“It was from my father. My biological father. He wrote me a letter explaining who he was and I’m thinking about responding back or even calling the number he provided.”

I really think that Toby and Max are related somehow because they always hang out with each other. But I know that they’re best friends so I understand that. Of course, both of us were heading towards Max again. To be honest, I think Max and Toby are wicked funny together. They’re such a good time to be around. When we approached his locker, Max was busy being himself. I didn’t want to be anywhere nears him. Today, I just wanted to have Toby bring me home. I was sending a signal to Toby, letting him know how much I wanted to leave. Max normally gets a ride from Toby on Fridays so he ended up following us to Toby’s car. Half of me was growing aggravated with Max but I’m handling the not show it part. Max was letting me have the front seat but I waved and told him that I would pass and sit in the middle like a little kid.

My aggression towards Max was building up so much that I had to put my music on. The ride home was so long and half of me wanted my feelings known to him. We were gonna drop off Max first but I somehow mentioned that I needed to speak with Max somewhere I was comfortable. So we ended up going to my house where we can talk everything out. I also wanted Toby to hear what I have to say to him. The rest of the drive home was quite strange to be honest. As we got close and closer to my street, I shut my iPod off to save the battery and put it away. When we pulled into the driveway, I didn’t wait for the car to stop before getting out. The sting of tears was starting.

My bag was flung onto my back as I unhooked my keys from my belt loop. The front door was unlocked by the time Toby locked his car. Max was really unsure of what to do. When in doubt, follow the person in front of you. Bear and Buddy were barking, welcoming Max to their home. Toby took Max’s bag along with his and put them where he normally would. I offered Max to sit across on the other couch so we could be face to face.

“Something bugging your mind, Lucy?” Max questioned.

Toby rejoined us but he sat next to Max, instead of me.

“Yes, something is, Max.” I started to say. “I’ve noticed that Toby leads me to your locker almost every day. I don’t mind if he wants to hang with you, but I feel so uncomfortable being there. And hearing the stupidity that comes from you upsets me more than ever.”

“So don’t hang with me. It’s that simple.”

“Lucy, if that bothers you then why didn’t you say anything.” Toby piped up.

Finally, the tears took their toll.

“Because, Toby, I’m trying to be so strong that everything is bottled up. I would’ve said something later but Max rode with us and that pulled the last straw.”

Max was staring at the floor while I was talking to Toby. You could tell that I hurt Max’s feelings but I didn’t mean to. I only meant to spill what was bothering me. I cleared away the tears when I got up to walk over to where Max was sitting. My hand found his and with all of my strength, I attempted to pull him up. That pushed me him into me and he mumbled a “sorry”. Like a magnet, my arms went around his neck. I could feel the warmness of his tears soaking into my shirt. I felt so bad that I felt like crying.

“I think you and Toby need to leave.”

That was when I had to release the grasp around his neck and let go. Those brown sparkly eyes gave me one last look before going out the front door. A stare from Toby was growing on me. As much as I wanted to be near Toby, I couldn’t. His best friend needed him more than I did.

“Why don’t you go with Max?” I said as I had to look away.

“First of all, what the f**k was that, Lucy? And you call yourself my girlfriend. My girlfriend doesn’t make my best friend cry.” Toby yelled.

He then stormed out to his truck where Max was waiting for him.

“You alright, bro?” Toby asked.

“Fine. Why would she do that? Why me?”

“She’s not in her right state of mind. Her mom is in basic training and will be going overseas so it’s hard on her. And her biological father got in contact with her. Just ignore her for now.” Toby started the engine.

I walked to the opened front door to watch Toby back out of my driveway. To see him drive away, it made my heart bleed for him. But inside my heart, I know this is right for me. I closed the inside door and attempted to settle down but I couldn’t. I was lucky not to get any homework on a Friday. Everything inside of me was shaking. I thought I was going to pass out but I sat on the part of the couch where Toby sat. I pulled my legs underneath me and held the pillow that Toby held. The sobs came over me. I put my head between my legs. I think this was the most miserable thing that I’ve gone through. My heart felt like it was being ripped out. The time finally came for me to pick up Kyle from the bus stop. When I went to get up, I heard a crunch like a paper crunch. That was when I realized I had my biological father’s letter in my back pocket. It was another thing that I could add to my to-do list.

The bus came within the minutes that I was standing at the bus stop. I always make sure that the girls and Kyle get off the bus safely before I leave. The girls invited us over to dinner for tonight so it made dinner easy on me. When Kyle got off the bus, he gave me a big hug. I get those very seldom but when I do get one, I cherish it. I was very antsy to get home. I had phone calls to make and things to clean. When I got to the house, my first call was to a therapist I knew.

This weekend, I had my first appointment and I have to ask Lily if she could give me a ride and watch Kyle for me. There was a huge part of me that wanted to text Toby the news but he was probably still mad at me. I let Kyle go out back while I had laundry that I needed to so. The laundry that was in my room reminded me of so much. I sat on the couch with the home phone sitting in my lap, debating whether to call or not. The part of me that wanted to text Toby died down. I grabbed the folded up paper from my back pocket and reopened it. With a blotch of shakiness overcoming, I dialed my dad’s number. It rang for about a moment before a husky voice answered.

“Hello.”

“Hi, it this Brett?”

I closed my eyes, praying that it was him and not some random dude.

“Yeah, it is. And who is this that is calling?”

“It’s Lucy. I got you letter and I wanted to see if it was really you.”

A cry was starting to form in my throat, just from hearing his voice.

“Ah. I see. Well, it is me. And I would love to meet up with you so we could get to know each other?”

“I think that’s a good idea but can we meet once Kyle and I are done with school?”

“Who is Kyle?”

“Kyle is my stepbrother.”