Chapter 12

“Oh, yeah. Of course. How about we meet the end of June?”

“Sounds good to me. I’m really glad you contacted me.”

“I’m hoping that I did the right thing.” Brett said before hanging up.

I let the phone drop in my lap as I was taking in what just happened. The washer went off and brought me back into reality. I put another load in the washer and would start it before I left for Lily’s. There was this little pain inside of me but I ignored it, knowing what it was. The time flew by fast because Kyle is anticipating seeing the girls and frankly, so am I. I felt trapped in the house. Trapped being a mom in a teenager’s body. Noticing it was a bit warm in the house, I reopened the front door. I yelled a lie to Kyle, saying I was checking something else out. I kept seeing this red thing pass by and it was bothering me. The screen door closed tightly with a bang and Bear running to the front door. It had started to sprinkle at first but then turned into a downpour. After seeing the rain, I ended up going back inside. I wasn’t soaked but I was wet. The time was creeping up on me and I had to get Kyle ready for Lily.

I gave Kyle the five minute warning and he got his shoes on. Because it was raining, I had to watch Kyle run down to Lily’s so nothing happened to him. I had asked him to let Lily know that I will be down shortly. I had wanted to let the rain pour on me and wash the pain away. There were giant puddles when I opened the door to let Kyle go. At the same time, a red truck sped by on the street. I was thanking god that Kyle was walking on the side of the road. Once I knew he was safe, I shut the door at the same time that Toby’s pickup truck went into my driveway.

 All emotions came flooding at once. I didn’t want to eat. At the same time, my head wasn’t thinking straight. My feet ran to the bathroom as the urge to puke was coming on strong. I was very lucky that the toilet seat was up. Everything was becoming all oblivious. I need to take something to stop this. None of this would’ve happened if I never had sex with Toby or even agreed to be his girlfriend. My thoughts were going crazy to a point where I even thought about breaking up with him .I believe that it was the thought that brought me back into reality. My stomach was in knots but it was telling me that I was going to be okay. It was a couple minutes later when I realized that there was a knock at the door. I pulled myself together for once. My face was pale as the blood drained from my face. Tears were softly coming down on my cheeks. As I reached the living room, the door opened and it was a surprise. They were all drenched from the rain and were standing on my nice hard woods. I knew the shirt, jeans and wet hair. Toby was here at my house. I couldn’t take it anymore. Throw up was creeping up my throat. Panic was also rising and my first instinct was to run. He had said some harsh words to me and at this point, I couldn’t handle him.

“G-Get away from me.” I stumbled over my words.

“Lucy, please. Lemme explain.”

“No, go away. I don’t want to see you right now.”

Toby wouldn’t budge and it was pissing me off.

“Go. Please go away.”

He stood his ground until I went after him. Punch after punch, I went into him. Each punch was with anger and hate towards Toby. He was just standing there; dripping wet not attempting to stop me. I was wearing myself out but then I found something else to be angry at. Finally he had enough where at the next punch; he grabbed my arms to stop me. I was struggling to keep going at him but all the strength was going away until I decided to collapse into him. He may be soaking and wet but he was Toby. The boy of my dreams and a relationship that is on the rocks for a lot of reasons. I cried on his shirt while his hands were on the small of my back. Being this emotional is not good for me because then I will either end up hurting myself or worse. Toby attempted to pry his fingers off of my back so he could remove the majority of his wet clothing. There was a towel that was on the couch and Toby used it so he wet clothes wouldn’t be on the carpet.

Every single piece of clothing of his was soaked. And if every piece of clothing is soaked, it means that Toby has to strip. The first was his shoes and socks because they were soaked beyond belief. Next was his shirt and that was where he needed help taking it off. The fact that his belt was wet means that he was beyond soaked. His jeans slid down into the big puddle that he formed by standing there. He didn’t want to take off his boxers but he had to. Everything that was in the pile on the towel, I brought to the dryer to be dried. I tried to remember if anything of mine would fit Toby. I brought him a towel to put around his waist so he wasn’t streaking around my house. He had the sweatshirt I wore today in his truck. I remembered that his shorts were in the dryer so I ended up giving him some pajama pants. At least he was covered but I still had a mess to clean up in the living room. Toby stopped me from moving again. I turned around for him to the hurt in my eyes.

“Please. Let go of me so I can clean up the mess. We can talk once I’m done.” I pleaded.

At that point, Toby didn’t care. He pulled me back into his arms where he couldn’t let go of me. His sweet smell was overcoming me. I think that this was the second time that I saw or hear Toby cry. His shoulders were shuddering and he tightened his grip so I wouldn’t escape. I brought my face out of his chest and pulled his face down to mine. I gave him a long, slow, powerful kiss with so much passion that I’ve never felt before. And that was the beginning of the powerful built relationship that I never want to let go of. I rested my hand on his chest before I went to the living room. I got another towel to clean up the mess that Toby brought in. Toby followed me so he could watch like he always does. By the time I was finished with cleaning up, the dryer went off and Toby’s clothes were dried. So many things were on my mind while I was doing that.

Toby was still in the same spot that I left him in. I handed him his dry clothes and went directly to the bathroom. It was this time that I made the urge to come on. Once I finished, another came on and it repeated until it was dry heaves. I looked into the mirror after getting off of the floor. The image that was reflecting was definitely not me. If it was, then I must’ve used white powder to become a ghost. When I opened the bathroom door, I found Toby in my room; sitting on my bed. He was waiting but he was also thinking. Sooner or later, we will have to join Kyle at Lily’s house as I promised I would go.

“Are you hungry?” I asked.

“I’m hungry for you. Only you and no one else.”

“I meant food.”

“Yes, food goes too.”

“Let’s go down to Lily’s where Kyle is and we can have some pizza.”

He came off of the bed and put his dry shoes and socks on. Just like he loves watching me do small things, I do the same back. It made me realize how much he’s given and provided for me. Whenever my mom doesn’t use her slippers, I end up “stealing” them. Toby surprised me by putting his hands back on my waist and walking towards the front door. This time it was making me laugh. His head was resting on my shoulder while we were walking down to Lily’s house. I was smart this time and brought an umbrella so the both of us wouldn’t get soaked. We kept stepping on each other’s shoes by the time we reached Lily’s driveway. Only a knock away, I was led inside while Toby stayed outside to talk with Lily. Angel was pulling me towards the playroom and I was willing to play this time around. It kept both of us busy while Toby was outside.

“Has she talked to you yet about the letter?”

“What letter are you referring to? I haven’t seen or heard from her since this morning when she dropped Kyle off to me.”

“Well, not only has she gotten a letter, it was from someone who knows her. And her mom also texted her so she’s somewhat in a good mood.”

“Who was the letter from?”

“Her biological father. She hasn’t let me read it just yet but knowing her, she’s already made some type of contact with him and she’ll let me read it tonight.”

Lily put her cigarette out and had Toby follow her into the house for some nice warm food. Lily was making plates of pizza when I walked away from the playroom. Angel was playing happily and she was using her imagination/creativity. The smell of pizza was actually making my stomach worse than what it is now. All the kids were called to wash their hands and sit at the table as pizza was being served.

“Toby or Lucy would you like the stool?” one of the twins asked.

“Sure.” I said as I went into Lily’s room to grab the stool.

When I came back out, Toby was already munching on some pizza. Most of his worries were starting to go away. Toby had offered for me to sit on the stool and eat. I gave him a look and he understood. I stood behind him and had my arms go around his neck. My head buried into the crook of his neck. Toby stopped eating and put his hand on top of mine to pull them apart. He tugged for me to go in front of him instead of in back. Once I was in front, he leaned forward to whisper in my ear.

“Please eat. You’re only making yourself sicker by not eating.”

Toby gave me something to think about while he was munching on his pizza. I stop the pizza that was in Toby’s hand and took a bite. The warm sensation of the crispy pepperoni on the cheese mixed with the perfect portion of sauce. I thought I was in heaven but it shortly ended when I had to swallow it. Pizza reminded me of when my mom attempted to make homemade pizza and failed. I had to excuse myself from the table and actually go outside. For a moment, I thought I was gonna pass out but it was actually vile coming up my throat. I made my way to the next door neighbor’s backyard. I puked there as the bank owns the house. The moist air was actually helping me but it was also making me very…wet.

Lily came out for a cigarette when she saw me holding onto the house for support. She doesn’t know about my problems and I intend on keeping it that way. I know I can trust her and her kids but I don’t have the heart in me right now to tell her.

“You alright?” she asked as she let out a puff of smoke.

“Yeah. Just needed some fresh air. I got too uncomfortable in there but I think I’ll be fine now.”

When I went back in, I was greeted by everybody at the table. Toby was keeping my seat warm and got more pizza. I didn’t wasn’t to be in between him anymore so I decided to stand by him and steal a slice from his plate.

“Is everything alright?” he managed to say in between bite/swallows of pizza.

I whispered in his ear. “I just wanna be at home with you and snuggle. I’m still throwing up blood. Do you have my meds with you?

“In my backpack, I do. Once we’re done eating, we’ll attempt to escape.” Toby answered before taking another bite.

I finally began working on the slice of pizza that I was holding. It was so good and I added a can of cold caffeine with it. Toby and I actually split it because then I would get a headache/irritated. I was only able to eat about half of the slice when I felt full and had to give the rest to Toby. My first appointment was tomorrow morning at nine and I still had to ask Lily about tomorrow. She came back inside just as I moved back into the comfort of Toby’s arms. This time, I went up to her and asked. She didn’t mind watching him and I told her I should only be going for an hour to about two hours at the most. At this time, everyone was finished eating and were attacking each other in the play room. I went back to bury my head into Toby’s chest.

He wrapped his arms around me and very slowly, tears started to leak out of the corner of my eyes. I felt Toby’s arms start to shake. I think he was crying too but I wasn’t quite sure. Toby was also keeping me warm as I was getting the chills. I was able to untangle my arms from where they were stationed. I could tell Toby moved his head because I felt a stare on top of me. I looked up and saw the hurtness in those hazel eyes. That was a sign that I needed.

“Lily, Toby and I are going home. Do you mind sending Kyle home at eight thirty?”

“Yeah. Hope everything works out.”

Toby and I left without saying a word. I stopped him at the end of Lily’s driveway. I moved my face up to Toby’s and got a long slow emotional kiss. He reached down to grab my hand as we started walking again. I was silent when the two of us entered the house. Toby sat down on the couch while I put the light on in the corner. Once I was seated on the couch, I kicked my shoes off and leaned towards Toby, who put his arm around my shoulder. I tucked my feet underneath me as I rested my head which was hurting, into Toby’s chest. It was Toby who broke the silence.

“Why did you say that to Max? Why did you make him cry?”

“I didn’t mean to. It was in the spur of the moment. I was getting tired of hanging out with him in a way. I mean you always walk me to his locker and I feel that he’s invading our privacy bubble. I never meant to make him cry and I’m sorry that I did. It was uncalled for and I should’ve known. I’m an idiot, Toby. I don’t understand why you’re dating a person like me?”

“You should’ve told me how you felt and I would take it up with Max instead of him balling his eyes out and ma calming him down. I think you got so caught up in the moment that you forgot to be strong and you let your guard down. You told Max and I was on your mind. That is one thing I admire about you, Lucy. One of the many possible things I like about you. The two of us, we belong together. I have never loved someone so much that I actually care about them. You and I belong together and nothing is gonna change that.”

I was getting to a point where I wasn’t able to sit still anymore. I was getting all jittery and my leg was going jelly. There were so many things I needed to tell Toby but I was afraid I was going to break down. After finally pulling myself together, I got the nerve to say what I needed to say.

“I have something to tell you and you might be proud of me.” I said as I rested my head on his lap.

My hair covered my eyes when Toby put his hand on top of the fallen hair. His hand brushed away the fallen hair when I finally spoke.

“I made an appointment to go talk with a therapist tomorrow morning. Do you think you could give me a ride?”

I looked up into his eyes as I was waiting for his answer.

“Of course, I can. You know I would do anything for you.” Toby responded.

I’ve been giving some thought about the idea of Toby living with me. If he lives here, then it would be more help than ever.

“Thanks. There’s something else I need to tell you. I called my dad today after you left.”

“Oh. You do realize that was a bad idea.”

“Why? I thought it was the best thing I could ever do.”

Once I finished speaking, felt Toby’s leg vibrate. Knowing where his black phone was, I pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to him.

“Maybe there’s a reason why your mom didn’t want you to have contact with your dad.”

While he was talking, he was also checking his text message. The text message was from Linda. She was giving advice about how to handle me and my mood swings. Toby just sighed and put his phone aside so he didn’t have to worry about it.

“Well, I want to know who my father is. It felt really good to actually finally speak to him. We, as in me and my father, have agreed to meet up once I’m done with this school year.”

“I would like to be present when this happens. You can’t get hurt anymore and I won’t let it happen.” Toby promised.

“I was just going to ask if you could come with me for protection as I barely know this dude.”

“I guess I read your mind.”

Toby gave his goofy smile before he went searching for the remote. I sat up as I was beginning to get uncomfortable lying on his lap. We were still sitting next to each other when I grabbed Toby’s hand. I took it and I put it on top of where my heart is so he could feel the beat.

“This belongs to you. Forever.” I said before I pulled his hand to my lips.

His hand then went to my other shoulder and pulled me back into him. I was so drained from today that I wanted to go to sleep. I ended up lying on Toby, letting a sob out. I couldn’t take this anymore.

“Kyle should be home any moment now. Listen for him as I need to go to bed. Today was a lot for me to handle and I’m exhausted.”

Toby made me bend back down after standing up, to give him one of those meaningful kisses. When I got to my room, the first thing I remembered was that I had chores to do. At least this time, I don’t have to wash any dishes. I only have to unload and vacuum. The first one I started was vacuuming as no one was on my floor and making a mess. Toby saw me cross to the pantry room which put a red flag up.

“I thought you were going to go to bed.”

“So did I, but the chores aren’t done.”

I brought the vacuum out to the living room and plugged it in near the coffee pot. With every motion of going back and forth, it made me miss how much my mom would vacuum. All of the happy memories were playing in my head while moving from room to room. One of the memories is when my mom would yell at me to pick up the trash in my room. When I returned back to the kitchen, a soaked Kyle returned from Lily’s house. He did what he was told to do with his wet clothes and shoes.

“Hey, Kyle,” I said as I was putting away the vacuum. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yes. Lily said I was coming back in the morning?”

“Yes, you are. Toby’s going to drive me to my doctor’s appointment and Lily is going to be watching you for me.”

“How long will I be there for?”