Chapter 13

“An hour or two. It shouldn’t be longer than that.”

Kyle went to his room to change into his night clothes and start to get ready for bed. I went into the pantry room and took the laundry out of the dryer to fold. The dishes sitting in the dishwasher was bothering me. When something like that bothers me, I have to take care of it right away. The abandon laundry wouldn’t mind sitting for a while. My mood was in mom mood. I knew what needed to be done and I was trying my very best. I grabbed my iPod and put some tunes in my head so I had a beat to work to. Before I knew it, I was emptying the last dish that was in the dishwasher. I swear each day I’m becoming either more like my mom or more like Lily. I looked over into the living room to see what Toby was doing. He was attempting to fold clothes. I stood right behind him to see if he noticed. He kinda did because he could hear the music that was blaring in my ears. I, personally, like to fold clothes in silent. Toby stopped what he was doing and s**t the television off as I was shutting down my iPod. Clothing by clothing, we got the laundry done faster than expected. I think the yawn at the end gave Toby a big clue that I was ready for bed. I started shutting down the lights while Toby got Kyle ready for bed. Having Toby around helps me out more than you could imagine.

While Toby was finishing up with Kyle, I went into my room to square some things away. I changed into what I had wanted to wear for bed and waited for Toby.  Kyle called out to me say good night. I don’t think Kyle understands how important he is to me. Because it was dark, all I could make out was shapes. Toby was taken his shirt off as he was trying to get comfortable for bed. I could hear the clink of the belt coming undone as Toby was taking off his jeans. One of the many things that annoys Toby is when his jeans leave an impression on him while he is sleeping. Before sitting on the bed, Toby attempted to crack his back by bending backwards. In the silence, all you heard was the cracking and the moving of Toby coming into bed.

Toby outstretched his arm to not only to stretch but to have me cuddle into him. I was only a little bit cold but that was because I still had the chill from the rain. Toby’s body was all nice and warm when I scooted closer to him. Mr. Penguin went on his chest along with my head on top. His hand was searching for mine. The blanket was resting on the bottom half of Toby’s and mine legs. As much as I wanted to sleep, it didn’t come. I kept myself amused by listening to his heart beat. The last time I looked at the clock, it was about five in the morning. My heavy eye lids finally closed when Toby started to wake.

He looked down at me and saw how red my eyes were. Toby repositioned himself so I could get a better look at his face.

“Have you gotten any sleep?” Toby first spoke.

“No. As much as I’ve tried to get some sleep, I couldn’t. It got to a point where I gave up and was listening to your breathing and heartbeat. It was quite peaceful. When you woke up, I was ready to go into deep sleep.”

He moved in closer and removed Mr. Penguin so my head was on bare skin. Our hands rested near my head where I remembered them before falling asleep. Toby was already awake when my eyes were fluttering open. I was still groggy and I didn’t feel like moving but I had to as the need to throw up was coming on fast. The covers flew off of me in an instant. I scurried to the bathroom just in time. My whole front side hurts. I went back into my room where Toby was sitting up. He swung his legs over the side of the bed.

I walked over to where he was sitting while trying not to fall over. His legs were spread just enough for me to get in between. My hands grabbed his and were just holding them. He brought one set of hands to his lips at a time. To finish it off, he dragged my face to his for a powerful kiss. When we parted, I had wanted more. Not sex more. Kissing more. I went into his shoulder head first. The cries started and that’s when Toby pulled me closer to his body. Apparently my cries woke Kyle up because he was standing in the doorway. Toby’s sense of hearing kicked in and turned to see who it was.

“Come here, Kyle.” Toby commanded.

I heard his soft footprints going around my bed to where Toby and I were. He has wanted to be near me as he knew how much I needed it. I forced myself to sit on one of Toby’s leg so Kyle can have the other. In Toby’s eyes, he saw a perfect family. I didn’t want Kyle sitting on top of Toby. I wanted to hold Kyle and have Toby hold the both of us. When I glanced at the time, I took a deep breath before getting up. I had to start getting ready for the day. I told Kyle to go shower and get dressed while I figured out what to make for breakfast. I grabbed Toby’s hand so he could get up so I could make the bed.

So much pain was going through my abdominal area. Toby made his side of the bed when he saw how bad I was. I was able to make my side of the bed if I went slowly. I stopped and took a few short deep breaths. Toby had this confused look on his face as he didn’t know what was happening.

“I’m fine. My stomach and my mid section are just acting up.”

Slowly, I made my way to the kitchen where I was going to make some homemade muffins. By the time I got the batter mixed together, Kyle was out of the shower and went into his room to get dressed. Toby was the next in line to shower. I was able to get both of the muffin mixes into the pan before the next round of pain came on. As soon as I heard the shower click off, instant pain was in my midsection. It was so powerful that the pain knocked me to the ground. Today was supposed to be in the low seventy’s. Toby was lucky I still had a pair of his shorts at my house. In the end, Toby will have to go back to his house to get fresh clothes and sleep in his own bed. The phone rang.

I felt myself getting so hot that I needed to lie on the hardwoods itself. I called for Kyle to answer the phone as it was his dad who was on the other line. Toby found me on the floor and he picked me up so I could be on both feet.

“When the muffins go off, take them out of the oven for me please.” I ordered Toby.

Everything was coming on so fast. I was very lucky that I was heading towards the bathroom. Once I was done puking, I decided to shower to get the stench off of me.  Before I entered the shower, Kyle was knocking on the door. He crept it open so I could grab the phone.

“Hello.”

“Lucy, Kyle will be with me for the whole day and possibly night. I’m coming to get him now.”

“That’s fine. Just lemme know if he is staying over or not. I’m getting ready to jump into the shower so Toby will be answering the door.”

“Okay. Bye.”

The warmth of the water combined with the steam made me feel like I was in a relaxation mode. I tried not to take a long shower as I was limited on time. While in the shower, I was able to wash my hair and actually feel fresh. It was a little cold this morning but nothing I couldn’t handle. I brought the phone with me into my bedroom as I needed to call Lily and let her know about the changed plans. When I sat down on my bed, I started to dial Lily’s number. I was drying off when she answered.

“Lily, there is some change of plans. Tom just called saying he’s gonna take Kyle for the day and possibly for the night. He’s not sure thought.”

“Oh, alright. Thanks for letting me know.”

“You’re welcome.”

 I sat back with a huge sigh of relief. This time picking out my clothes wasn’t so hard because I knew what I had wanted to wear for the day. Once I was dressed, I had to tackle my hair; otherwise it would turn into a rat’s mess. Toby went back into my room looking for his keys to his truck. When he was looking, he saw me holding a brush. A smile went across his face, knowing he would be happier to brush it for me. Stroke by stroke, Toby was able to get all knots out and pull my hair back in a bun just like the way I like it. For once, I didn’t have the need to puke or have any abdominal pain. I was just pure happy. Toby held out his hands for me to pull him up in a playful way.

So much strength to pull him up left me laughing. I pulled him into me so I could hug my somewhat fat body against him. Whenever I wear jeans, I always wear a belt with them. There was a problem with my belt. It was actually a bit big for me. According to my dictionary, that means that I’m losing weight. The fact that Toby noticed it meant a lot to me. I reached up to where he head was and gave him a powerful kiss. I held him for once instead of him holding me. A knock interrupted our bonding time.

It was me who had to break off our moment. Toby watched me walk away to answer the door. He stayed in my room, thinking about the future. Kyle was already one step ahead of me.

“You ready, Kyle?” Tom asked.

Kyle went around the room, looking for toys or some other things to do to keep him occupied while he was with his dad. I was able to help somewhat as I was starting to get a headache. I went up to the glass door to speak with Tom for a moment. I didn’t want to but it was for the sake of Kyle.

“Is he sleeping over?” I asked as I crossed my arms.

Toby finally made it out of my room and snuck up behind me. I felt his hands go on my waist and pull me back into him. It took Tom about a couple minutes to think.

“Yeah. Why not? It will take him off of your hands for the night.”

“Thank you. Let me get his clothes packed.”

I moved out of Toby’s arm a little too fast that I almost fell faint. Luckily, he caught me just in time. The majority of Kyle’s clothes in his backpack as he didn’t need a suitcase for overnight. Once packed, I handed the bag off to Tom who took it. Kyle was extremely happy to go with his dad. As they were walking to the car, Kyle remembered that he forgot to do something. He ran to the front door as fast as he could.

“What did you forget?” I questioned.

Kyle answered with a hug. I knew that hug meant something special to me. He lunged out of my arms and out the door to Tom’s car. I was able to pull myself to the door to watch them pull away. Toby came up behind me and rested his hands on my hips while I leaned back into him. Watching Kyle leave with his father made me think outrageously.

“What’s running through your mind?”

“A lot of things. So many thought and so many feelings that I can’t control.” I responded. 

“Would you like your meds? They’re in my bag.”

“Yes, please but not the…”

“…one that makes you suicidal?”

“Yeah.” I smiled. “You’ve noticed.”

“I tend to pick up on things quickly especially after the suicidal scare you gave me.”

I gathered my feet underneath me as I waited for Toby to get the medicine from his bag. The pain in the abdominal was starting to come back which wasn’t a good sign. When Toby came back, he found me in a hunched over position. Not only did he bring the meds, but he also brought a bottle of water. One by one, I swallowed each pill. After taking my meds, I started to shut down the house as we had to get moving. Toby picked up the rear when closing the door. I was able to take a breath of fresh air before going into Toby’s truck. Being a gentleman that he was, Toby opened the door and helped me climb inside. The engine started and we were on our way.

The coolness of the window felt really good against my face. Before I know it, Toby was pulling into the parking lot. We were about twenty minutes early. I wasn’t quite ready to talk but I knew that this had to be done. Being the gentleman that Toby was, he came over to my side and opened the car door for me. I was feeling like a princess in a way. My prince was there waiting to take me off of my throne. The car door was still open when I was coming off of my seat. I could see that Toby had his opening arms.

Toby is taller than me and you could tell definitely. His big strong arms engulfed me so all I could feel was Toby’s body. Toby felt that there was nothing else he could do except to be there for support. I backed out to get a good look at who my partner was. A deep breath is what I needed before entering the building. I felt that Toby needs to hear what I have to say to the counselor.

“I’m ready to go in.”

I grabbed Toby’s hand and led him inside to where the office was. The door rang every time someone either entered or exited. The woman was drawing up the paperwork that needed to be filled out. It was on a clipboard, ready to go when we walked in.

“Name.” The receptionist stated.

“Lucy.”

“Please fill this out and return it once finished.”

I took the clipboard and the pen provided to a seat. Toby sat next to me and just watched how concentrated I was. At the time I finished was the time I looked up at Toby with a sigh of relief. He brought the clipboard up to the receptionist who told Toby that someone will be with us momentarily. This building was so familiar in a way but I couldn’t put my finger on it. When the woman came out, I knew exactly who I was going to talk with.

“Hey, Lucy. How’s it going?” Robbie asked.

“I’m doing alright. This is my boyfriend, Toby and there are some things that he needs to hear.”

“Well, why don’t you two come on back and we can talk?” Robbie suggested.

Toby was the first one to stand up. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. He didn’t want to hold my hand. Instead, he wanted my body close to his. We were led to the back room that had a rocking chair and a couch facing the opposite way. Robbie told us to sit down but not too close to each other.

“I understand that since we’ve talked things have changed. And you’ve been in the hospital twice in the last two weeks.”

“I’ve been in the hospital the day after Junior Prom for throwing up blood. Because of the medication, I had a suicide attempt and that’s why I’m here. To talk about why I did it and how to prevent it from happening again.”

“Wow. I’m going to let you talk and we’ll go from there.”

The pain was coming back and I was trying not to show it. I was ready to talk but I didn’t know how to start.

“I’m gonna start from the beginning of how I met Toby as it will catch up with what I want to talk about.”

“Two weeks ago, Toby asked me out and I accepted. From there, we made rules to abide by. He surprised me with being his date to his Junior Prom. His sister bought everything for me. At the prom, I was having difficulties breathing. We went back to his father’s house.”

“Why couldn’t you breathe?”

“The room was getting so heavy with the scents of perfume. It was giving me a headache and I was getting a little claustrophobic.”

“Go ahead. Continue.” Robbie said as she was writing down some notes on her pad of paper.

“We went to his dad’s house after the prom. His sister, Heather helped me out with getting undressed. That night was the first night we did ‘it’.”

“What is it?”

“We had sex for the first time and that was the downhill of everything.”

 “After having sex, like moments after, I started to vomit but while having sex, I remember complaining about a headache.”

“Yes, you also said you were feeling a bit dizzy.” Toby added.

“That was when I first started to puke. His dad brought into the room and saw it was blood.”

“You were sent to the hospital from there?”

“Yes.”

My stomach wasn’t feeling so hot. I was debating about whether to go to the bathroom or not. Instinct won over thoughts. I went off the couch and out of the room to find the bathroom. Some vile was already coming up my throat. I made it to the bathroom just in time. The vomit was harsh on my stomach that I ended up on the floor in pain. I didn’t come back in five minutes so Robbie came to look for me. When Robbie opened the door, I was trying to get back up on my feet.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I just fell, that’s all.”

I flushed the toilet and headed back to the couch where Toby was. When he looked over at me, he knew the look. I sat down with a sigh and Toby moved closer. He made sure that I buried my head into his shoulder. When Robbie sat down, that was when we started back up again.

“I was in the hospital for two days and the doctors prescribed some medication that led to my second time in the hospital. In between, Toby and I have had our ups and downs.”

“Fighting wise?”

“Yes, we had a couple of fights but we’ve made up in the end. Some of the times were not because of the medical attention I needed.”

Robbie began writing more notes on the pad of paper she had.

“Once we got the medication from the pharmacy, I took the dose that was prescribed. When you saw me in the bathroom that was me puking. The medication hasn’t kicked in just yet. One of the medications I was on was giving me suicidal thoughts. It got so bad that…” I started breaking down and crying.

I was able to get a handle with myself.

“I attempted to commit suicide.”

“How? Why?” Robbie demanded.

“It was the day that I asked Toby not to drive me home. Once my brother was in the house, I told him I would be downstairs. I tied the rope and put it around my neck. I had nothing else to live for but now I’m the ‘mother’ to my brother. That’s why I was prescribed to a therapist.”

“And how are you doing now?”

“I’m doing alright. It’s hard. I think that Toby and I are the parents of my brother. I’m only fifteen. I’m too young to be like this. My parents divorced and Kyle’s dad has finally stepped up to the plate so far. My mom went for Basic training on Wednesday and left me to take care of the family and house on top of this illness of some sort.”