Chapter 15

“Lucy, do you ever do a choir or chorus?” Ken asked.

“I use to but then I lost interest. Why do you ask?”

“Your voice is really pretty and is nice to listen to.” Ken complemented.

“Thanks. I only sing along with my iPod when I’m cleaning. I only clean when I’m bored and when it needs to be.”

Toby got off the couch and gave me a surprised hug. He also knew not to hug so hard because of my current state. I love having family time so all of us we’re in the living room watching a show on television. I was sandwiched in between the guys. Toby had one arm that went around me while the other was holding my hand. In my mind, I was daydreaming about what it would be like to meet my father.

It was a commercial break when this question came to me.

“Toby, what do you think will happen to me with my father?” I asked as I was staring at the television.

“I don’t think your dad has changed from fifteen years ago. He might not care that you exist. That’s actually why I’m afraid of for you. I rather you are happy knowing of him than knowing him and he be a d********g to you. You’re already injured enough with the illness you’re suffering from.”  

“He’s right.” Ken piped up. “Judging from what Toby has told me about the letter he sent you, he sounds like a guy who doesn’t give a f**k, but that’s just me.”

Hearing from Toby and Ken about my dad has made me think differently. It was around eight when I got up to use the bathroom. I was extremely surprised that I didn’t want to throw up or have any abdominal pain. I spoke too soon. I made it to the toilet just in time. It wasn’t as painful as the one before. This time, there was no abdominal pain which I was fine with. I could not let Ken see me like this so I went into Toby’s room knowing he would be there momentarily. Ken shut the television off about an hour later to hear me sing along with my iPod. Toby’s room wasn’t organized to my perfection so I had to fix it. I knew I was being watched by Toby because that’s just him. When I stopped moving, that’s when Toby made his move.

“Stop. Sit down. Relax.” Toby said as he pulled both of my ear buds out.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I took what you guys said to heart and it’s bugging me. To try to clear my mind, I was organizing your room. But now, I think I’m done because you’re here.”

He got down on his knees so he could be eye level with me. I took him into my arms as I know he is just looking out for me. In a couple of weeks, I will be meeting with my father for the first time in my life. I asked Toby to shut the door and climb into bed with me. Toby knew exactly what I had wanted and why. In his night stand, he had condoms and pulled on out. We weren’t ready to become parents yet we wanted each other. He put it where he could reach it.

 I rolled onto Toby to start to kiss him and that’s where things started to heat up. Every kiss that was given made my heart skip a beat and brought heat. The first time our lips parted was when I took Toby’s shirt off to expose the skin I wanted to taste and explore. He was the same way with me except he had layers to go through. But Toby didn’t want to rush; he wanted to take his time which was fine with me. We went back to kissing which led to my hands exploring from the belt up and his back. Toby went to my skin next as he took the next piece of clothing off. I sank my teeth into his shoulder and from there Toby uncovered the rest of my skin. Slowly, he was covering every inch, tasting and enjoying. I performed a surprise attack that made us both giggled.

While surprising Toby, we were in a kiss. I rose up to see how beautiful Toby’s figure was in the moonlight. He did the same exact thing that I did to him. I went through his neck and explored his entire torso. When I got near his short lines, I was able to see him shake. It put a smile on my face. Normally, Toby would flip me over and go for me first. This time it was Toby who was underneath. Underneath his shorts were his blue and white checkered boxers. From there, Toby and I both knew what we wanted. Me, I wanted Toby’s penis. Toby, he wanted me to be happy and not worry about anything. The second I touched it, sparks of electricity went through Toby’s system. Not only that but I could see a smile appear on Toby’s face.

I started to rub and a little grunt was coming from Toby which made me laugh a little. My mouth was watering for it so I gave him a little tease. I was able to take it all in my mouth without choking on it. Besides getting my satisfaction, I also gave Toby his. Toby sat up and made sure I got all over. At this point, I wanted his sexiness to go inside me. Once Toby was fully naked, we flipped sides. This time I was on the bottom and he was on top.

He didn’t even bother with going over but he did want a kiss. While in the kiss, my hands slid from his neck to my jeans button. My hands got slapped away as Toby wanted to have some fun. Just because my jeans are unbuttoned doesn’t mean they were easy to take off. Toby forgot that I was wearing a belt to hold up the looseness of my jeans. After getting passed that, he was able to find his prize at the end of the tunnel. When sliding my jeans off, my underwear was going with it. He threw the clothing off of the bed before he got to the opening. Toby placed two fingers inside to start off slow.

That was one of the only things that made me get to my climax. Out of nowhere, Toby started to circle and do a little bit more with his tongue. He was helping my body move up and down. To keep my balance, I was holding on to Toby’s hair. Well, what’s left of it?

“Please go in me. Go fast and hard. Make me forget where we are and remind me of whom I’m with.”

Toby moved his lips up to mine at the same time he plunged into me. When Toby pulled back from the kiss, he saw how wide my eyes were.  He could also tell that I was enjoying it. Toby was wiggling around inside and I made sure to hold on to something. We went back into some more kissing before I was on top of Toby again. I ended up playing with him before riding the pony. Both of us were enjoying it so much that we might tire each other out. My jaw was becoming sore of sucking so I moved to the second choice. When I was on top, I felt invincible. And nobody could touch me. I felt the adrenaline rush come and go before I collapsed on top of Toby while I was still on him.

I was so lucky that this time, I didn’t cry or have any pain. But I did have to make a run to the bathroom. Because Ken’s room is across the hall, I had to put clothes on fast. I grabbed Toby’s shorts which had the condom wrapper on top and his shirt. I made it to the bathroom on time. I didn’t even bother shutting the door. Toby was sitting on the edge of his bed with his boxers on. On my way back, I saw Ken’s bedroom door open and out stepped Ken. He was half asleep when he needed to use the bathroom. What was weird was how his television is loud and he didn’t hear his son having sex with his girlfriend.

Instead of going back to Toby’s room, I went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water as I was a bit late for taking my second dose of meds. I went back into Toby’s room to find him sitting up with his head in his lap. It was quite unusual to see him like that. He heard my footprints and looked up when I came in.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Headache.”

“Do you want something for that headache?” I questioned.

“Yeah. There’s some in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.” 

He started to get up but I pushed him to lie back down. Once Ken got out of the bathroom, I was able to get Toby some meds. I dimmed the light as I turned it on to see where Toby was. All you heard was Toby curse which was quite funny. I put my hands out so Toby can get both water and the meds. As both went down his throat, it was burning. Toby took a deep breath before he put his head into my lap. I felt so bad for him. Now, I understand how Toby feels when I’m sick. He lifter his head up to kiss me in a thank you kind of way. When I was ready, I asked for my meds even though I dreaded it.

Toby got up from his spot and went to where his back pack was chillen. Pill by pill, Toby handed then to me. I toke one by one so I wouldn’t overdose. Once I swallowed the rest of the water, I took Toby’s clothes off of me and put a tank top and underwear on. I got into bed as I was becoming sleepier but I was still alert. Toby moved closer and snuggled his body into mine. It was a bit warm in the room but we had a window open and the fan going.

Between the both of us, Toby was the first one to go out. While listening to Toby’s breathing, I started to cry. But it wasn’t like a loud cry. It was soft and unnoticeable. I was able to drift off to sleep as soon as I saw Toby’s face. The both of us slept peacefully after that. Of course, in the middle of the night, my mom instincts were kicking in. As much as I didn’t want to leave the bed, I had to. If the kitchen wasn’t to my perfection, it would bug me. And that’s exactly what it did.

I was able to grab my iPod and the pair of shorts I was wearing earlier. It took a couple of minutes for my eyes to adjust to the lights. I took a guess where the cleaning chemicals were. As soon as I bent down to take the materials out, I was starting to get a small pain again. I was trying to ignore it but it wouldn’t go away. My scream was silent but very long. It sounded like I was gasping for air and the truth was; I was. In seconds, the pain was gone and I was able to return to work. I started with the counters and moved from there. Mr. MacStar has a dishwasher but I hate using it.

The dishes from the dishwasher made it to the sink for me to wash and dry myself. Once I was finished with soaping, I was washing and rinsing at the same time. I put the dishes upside down to air dry for a bit. I cleaned up the water mess that I made while doing dishes. The next thing on my list was to vacuum but I didn’t want to make any noise. Instead, I went to go clean the fridge. I started to sing again without realizing it. I needed the counter space so I dried the dishes and made more room. I would move the items in the freezer. The fridge was grosser than the freezer section. I was starting to yawn again and that was a signal for me to stop before I overdid myself. Normally I would head stillness but I was hearing Ken’s television going. When I peaked in, Ken was fast asleep so doing what a mom does, I shut his television off.

I took off his shorts and out them back where I found them. Toby had moved back to his original position from when I last checked on him. When I climbed into bed next to Toby’s still position, he started to stir and woke up.

“Where’d you go?” Toby said in his raspy voice.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” I said as I put my head onto his chest.

He pulled me close and didn’t want to let go.

“You didn’t wake me up. I was wondering where you went. I know when you get up and leave.”

“Oh. I couldn’t sleep and the kitchen was bugging me because it wasn’t completely clean to my satisfaction. It’s a mom thing.”

Toby understood and he cuddled me up. It was about midnight when the both of us finally fell asleep. A long deep sleep was what my body needed. About six hours later, I was waking up again because of my mom instincts. I needed rest though so I didn’t move from my spot. I heard Ken wake up and start to make his way to the bathroom so he could relieve himself. Just because I was awake doesn’t mean it was time to get up.

The pain in my abdominal area woke Toby up. It felt like I had my period but I wasn’t bleeding. I wasn’t screaming but I was gasping for air. Toby got up and went to the kitchen where he found his father making a cup of coffee. When Ken turned around, he saw his son wearing boxers with his hands in the freezer.

“What in god’s name are you doing with your hands in the freezer?” Ken exclaimed.

“I’m getting some ice. What does it look like I’m doing?” Toby scoffed.

He went back to his room where I was still laying. Walking over to his bed, Toby was making sure that he had got enough. I was lying on top of the blanket, still breathless from the pain. The ice was arm length away. Toby put the ice on my midsection and I swore it was some type of relief. Moments after the ice was put on, the pain went away. I snuggled back into Toby and fell asleep. Three hours later, I awoke later. Toby and Ken were not home as they were at Sunday service. When I got up from the bed, I heard a crinkle. The crinkle was a piece of paper on the bed from Toby. It read:

Lucy,

Picked up the clothes and got them washing. Left the shorts for you. Feel free to ditz around the house until I get back. Tom called your cell. He’s bringing Kyle over around noon or earlier.

                        Love you hun.

          Toby

Getting a note from Toby made me feel warm and cozy inside. I plopped my head back down on the pillow before I decided to move. I was waiting for Toby to return so he and I could talk. I got up and made the bed. Because Toby’s room was already to my perfection so I decided to take a shower. I was washing the weirdness of the bed off of me. Going from the bathroom to Toby’s room made a trail of water. This time, I didn’t bother washing my hair but I did brush it so it wasn’t a mess.

I threw my hair up into a pony tail but let my bangs be in my face. The shorts that were on the ground were dirty as they were worn the day before. I went through Toby’s dresser to find another pair of clean shorts. Once I was fully dress, I grabbed all of the dirty clothes and went to the washer. The wash Toby put on finished up and I started another one. I made sure that all of m stuff was together before I did anything else.

Finally, I was able to vacuum since no one was home except for me. With the ear buds in my ears and being barefoot, I started to clean. The cleaning chemicals that I used earlier were still out as I forgot to put them away. The smell of the chemicals was reminding me of Lily and her OCD problem with germs. Toby and his father were going out to brunch after church but Toby was missing me so much. It was around eleven when the boys got home.

The pain was starting up again, this time being more vocal and excruciating. For some reason, this one was in spurts. When I had the last spurt of pain, Toby opened the door and let Ken and himself in. Toby called my name and I responded saying I was back in his room. He saw me cuddled in his bed when a smile appeared on his face. What Toby didn’t know was that I was cutting myself again. It was so I could deal with everything that is going on.

Toby came closer and closer to see me shivering. It raised a bar when it was seventy something outside. He pulled away the covers to unhide what was underneath. Never in my life have I seen Toby’s eyes as wide as they were. The gaze he held on my face went to my arms with the cuts on them. It was something that shocked him. Lying near my arms was a steak knife. Blood was still gushing from the cut wounds. On instinct, Toby picked up my limp body and brought me to the bathroom. He then stripped me of my clothes and turned the shower on to clean the cuts out. When he got back to his room, Toby cleaned up the mess I made. He was so lucky that the bloody sheets didn’t bleed through to his mattress. In the bathtub, I started to cry. I stood up to make sure that all of the blood was going down the drain. My thoughts went along with what I was feeling. I finished up with the shower and found the medical care that I needed. Toby came into the bathroom with some fresh clothes for me. I thanked him and asked him to leave. I put some gauze and medical tape on my wounds to get them to stop bleeding. I put some fresh clothes and headed towards the laundry room.

Ken and Toby changed out of their church clothes and were sitting on the couch talking. While thinking and doing laundry, I overheard their conversation.

“What was Lucy up to when you found her?” Ken questioned.

“She was lying in bed, bleeding from her wrists.”

“What is wrong with her?”

“I have no idea, dad. No frigging idea.” Toby sighed.

I was waiting for all of the laundry to be done. As much as I don’t want to leave Toby, I have to. The chemicals to clean the bathroom were still there. Not all of the blood went down the drain so I had to scrub my hardest even though my arms killed. I heard the buzzer go off as I finished cleaning the mess I made in the bathroom. All of the laundry was finished and was in need of folding. I brought all of the laundry into Toby’s room where I can finish cleaning, folding and packing.

To distract my mind, I put my iPod on loud and blasted into my ears. I pulled everything off of the bed so I could get Toby’s bed back in order for him. Once the bed was made, I made sure all of Toby’s clothes were put away. I packed all off my clothes away when I noticed Ken and Toby watching me.

“Why are you packing up?” Toby questioned.

I could feel tears starting to develop.

“Ken, if you don’t mind, I need to talk with Toby alone.”