Stephen

This is a poem about my fianc�. From what I have heard, a typical orator of ancient times would stand in the ocean with his back to a friend onshore and talk loudly enough for his friend to hear him, in order to make sure that he was projecting his vo

I only regret the lack of rooftops
from which I can shout of my love
and that knee-deep in water, facing the horizon
in the trick of the old orators
my exaltation of a life in your arms
would be muted, softened by the tides
 

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

This is about your finace, you said so.
Now that you have injected love into
this equation, it make no sese at-all.
But, that is not my problem, there are
those who will find stuff unsaid and others
who will laud your use of the invective....
I will ungraciously bow out of this one.

-----Eagle Cruagh

[Rachel Knight]

I don't think I understand what you mean. I didn't use invective in this poem.

What is the equation? Me as a whole person? My body of work? (There's not a big sample of it on here, by the way. I may add more now that I've re-discovered this site after four years.) Or the poem itself? What stuff is unsaid?

[Eagle Cruagh]

I know, it sounds stupid, but that`s what I told you at
the beginning.....Once a thing is about love, then it makes
absolutely no sense at all. Come on ! You must agree with
me about soething .
---- Eagle

[Rachel Knight]

Love makes no sense, and it is the only thing in the world that makes sense.

[Eagle Cruagh]

Awwww. You make a great pair.

[Chris Bighorse]

I really like the imagery in this piece. The first two lines are powerful and can bring an clear picture into anyone's mind with little effort. The overall theme of the poem is slightly saddening. But I really think this is a strong piece.

My only suggestion would be . . . I guess this isn't a suggestion but, what I feel in the first part of the poem as opposed to the last is complete opposition. You start off with this incredible feeling of pride (we don't shout on rooftops to be modest!) and love but seem to end on a hopeless note. First we are flying over the rooftops of the world and then we are suddenly drowning in knee-deep churning waters.

This is just a pet peeve of mine but, the declaimer before the poem explaining the ancient role of orators sheds a lot of light on the poem itself but I think that a poem should stand on its own. Maybe interweaving the explanation of the role of the orator into the poem itself will help but I feel that having to explain a piece undermines the intentions of having written the poem in the first place! I feel that the only explanations we should see are simple dedications (for so and so . . ., to my father . . .).

Other than that, this piece is really amazing. There is a lot written between the lines and that's the kind of writing that I really like to see. But I feel that there's a lot that's not written that needs to be as well. There's a story of how we go from flying amongst the rooftops to watching the tides of the ocean. Give me a little more!