Forgotten

Chapter 2. 

It must be annoying to be with me having this kind of personality and thinking, and I live with it. Carry it, all day . Even worst, sleeping with this destructive brain at night when everything is dark and quiet, I can hear it beating so loud in my temple.

I always think, which is so bad. I hate having time to "think" it's dangerous. That's why I live with a quote that says, "go with the flow". I hate planning everything so perfectly because it ends up bad or I fail with it. 

My family says I always stay up late at night on my phone and that's why I always have no energy in the day. But did they ever wonder why ? 

Sleep is very important to me so why would I choose to stay up late that I have few hours remaining to sleep? I'd hate that. The truth is, I can't be alone with my thoughts, but I fear this sentence is so stupid they wouldn't understand what it means. 

I would clean the house and not realizing I am getting lost in my sea of thoughts. There is so many things that I am thinking about, about my mental health, my career, my friends, may family. There is always a feeling inside me that everything should be done, and that I am running out of time.

In my room, I can't help but stare to the ceiling in the complete darkness. I didn't like any kind of lighting in my room when I sleep. My sister, who I shared the room with would probably think it is weird but I am comfortable sleeping in complete darkness. The reason was, I get vivid nightmares, not nightmares. I don't know what it is but it tricks my mind that I am awake, sometimes I can't tell if it's a dream or not because everything around me, for example the room I am sleeping in, it shows the exact design of my room. When this happens, I have to find a clue or evidence if I am still inside a dream or not. 

One day, I had a terrible morning when I couldn't wake up and I was having a bad nightmare, it was so bad to the point where I start to cry and call for help from the "outside world". I call it "OUTSIDE WORLD" because it fascinates me how a person next to me can hear me call or cry when I am having a bad nightmare. 

I don't want to sleep alone because I'm scared, that I have another nightmare again and I can't wake myself up. 

This feels like being under the ocean in the dark and you can't shout or something

Words doesn't work and suddenly you start to feel paralyzed.