Grumpy Girl

Trying to create a nursery rhyme inspired by a photographer

Grumpy girl,Grumpy girl
Lovely pearl,Lovely pearl

Your dress is so magical
Your work is so poetical

Your camera looks practical
Its clicks are very musical

You are quite smart and vocal
You greet all - foreign or local

Grumpy girl,Grumpy girl
Lovely pearl,Lovely pearl

Author's Note

Please suggest me how to write lovely nursery rhymes.

Reviews

[Mic]

For me, nursery rhymes are more about word play than meaning. It's all in the cadence. The words should bump each other along... as yours do here. Mix in some alliteration, but don't force it.

It's all about pleasing the little ears inside your head.

You're well on your way. Well done!

[zainul]

Thank you Mic for the inspiring words.
I appreciate your wonderful review.
I will concentrate on this genre soon as children may like them.

[MOON]

Nursery rhymes has to be a clever play on words I would imagine. Take the reader on a funfilled journey even if the topic maybe difficult. Love this write its simple and smart.

[zainul]

Thank you Moon for the encouraging review.
I admit that this piece needs some polishing.
I will try to write more nursery rhymes.
I dream that kids will recite them and get great pleasure.

[Katie Lynn]

I love this! It seems so elegant and simple when reading it, and it sort of just slips off the tongue. Very good for a nursery rhyme! The Ees is right, nursery rhymes don't have to make sense to a kid. I noticed when I read stories to my baby cousin, all she did was listen to the sounds I made and the flow of the words I spoke. Not what I actually said. This is beautiful!

[Ees]

I like this a ton. It is rhythmic and sweet like a nursery rhyme should be. I don't agree with the reviewer who said that nursery rhymes should be written with children in mind. Mother Goose did not do that! I don't think that children should have to understand the words, they should understand the sentiment, but if they don't know the words, children will always ask! That is what kids do. The biggest mistake a person can make in life or in writing is to dumb things down for kids. They'll never learn that way!!!

"It feels happy with political"- I don't know what you were trying to say with that one there. You may want to think about different ways to say it so that it can be understood easily for any reader.

I like the sentiment of the girl being both lovely and grumpy!

[Marie]

Actually the Mother Goose rhymes were often written about topics of that day, though disguised in childrens' terms.

[Ees]

Yep, that was exactly what I meant when I said that.

[zainul]

I agree with both.
The use of 'political' was not wise,I confess.
It was done to match the ending.
It will be removed soon.
Thanks for your kind words and guidance.

[Ees]

No problem, you are off to a good start.

[zainul]

Thanks a lot.
I am gaining some degree of confidence.

[Valentine]

Nursery rhymes have to be written with children in mind..They need to understand what the wordes mean..Valentine

[zainul]

Thank you Valentine for the great suggestions.
Yes,nursery rhymes have to be written with children in mind.
We have to think of their recreation through lovely and understandable ways.

[Marie]

I think you have to be Mother Goose...

[zainul]

I will try,Marie.
Just want your blessings.

[Marie]

I was flippant, and I am sorry. This could be a good nursery rhyme:
Grumpy girl, Grumpy girl,
You could be a lovely pearl
If you werent a Grumpy girl.

[zainul]

Oh Marie,I am so happy that you made it wonderful.
Thanks a lot.