love and consequences

she tells me I spend too much time

on the computer; she doesn't realize

it's my only escape. i'm looking for the right words

a tight rhyme, some way to scrape the melancholy

from my mind. she loves me too much.

 

She tells me she wants to ride an elephant and i gained 200 pounds

she says we should take ballroom dance classes

at the local community college.

she is already graceful and more beauty than i should ever know

she makes my heart weak and will be the death of me

and i will die happy.

Reviews

[Hedra Helix]

Zatoichi!

Hello friend, I love how real your mind is, fast homey, quirky wise. Brave too in this while funny.
You know how you open some poems and they are just fluffer? Long or short nevermind cos with no real fire, life? Well, not yours, ohh not yours. I always know you're reliable. I can always read life here. Thank you. I soo love good words;)


she tells me I spend too much time
on the computer; she doesn't realize
it's my only escape. i'm looking for the right words
a tight rhyme, {young sneaky} some way to scrape the melancholy
from my mind {weathered juxtaposition}

Dig that.

[...]

. you're absolutely amazing ... and that's what this amazing poem tells me about you ... stunned by the words and the thoughts and the last line ...

[MissWordSmith]

You are one of those perfect male specimens I tell u !!!
This poem was.....i dont even know how to describe it.
It was honest, FUNNY, SHY, content, Happy, and adoring.
it was one of the bast things Ive read, EVER. i swear it was really good.

[Emily B]

that love thing is always a tight-rope adventure especially for those who are always looking for the right words

[An Open Venue]

"She tells me she wants to ride an elephant and i gained 200 pounds"
L
M
A
O

As for the rest I think it is beautiful and that she is lucky.
I have to get back to work; but I will be back, I like your voice and want to read more.

Ven

[LSS]

I thoroughly enjoyed this little poem. Well thought out in writing and structure. But I think I like the simple flow of the words best, without having to say much they convey heart felt sentiment.
LSS