the shadows

ive always been someone to look at the dark side

light thoughts blinded my eyes

tears would swell

as i looked at life as hell

i grew up fast

and hoped life itself would not last

my thoughts dark

my soul in others eyes even darker

i wore a never vanishing disguise

i displayed my eyes dull

so no one could judge my soul

i hid in shadows many years

watching as others collected thousands of tears

i laughed when they cried

when they laughed anger grew inside

i became so dark

all i could do was hide

my eyes became so light and wide

grey upon a sea of night

the darkness called me

i pushed away all family

i became the shadows

dark shades overwhelmed me

consuming all that was left of me

this is how i became

the shadows

 

 

Reviews

[Emily]

This is a well done piece. I like the transformation you write of, from normal to shadow. It is dark, to read you change a soul to shadow but you have done it well. There are but a few hesitations in the flow of this piece. One way to make sure that there are not any is to read your poem out loud to yourself or to someone else and see where you hesitate. The places you hesitate will be the same places a reader hesitates.

These couple of stanzas include one hesitation and two very very powerful line:

"my eyes became so light and wide
grey upon a sea of night
the darkness called me
i pushed away all family
i became the shadows"

The first three lines are extremely powerful. I love the idea that his/her eyes change over to the exact opposite of the darkness.

I really liked this piece! Nice work!