Steven's Torment - The Villanelle Of The Star

Steven couldn't stop thinking about the star
It was just so steamy and exciting
But he could never forget the are

That morning, Steven was shocked by the car
He had to calm himself with a handwriting
Steven couldn't stop thinking about the star

Later, Steven was spooked by char
He tried to focus on a sighting
But he could never forget the are

Rachel tried to distract him with a scar
Said it was time to start thinking about an underwriting
Steven couldn't stop thinking about the star

Steven took action like a guitar
The star was becoming too biting
But he could never forget the are

Steven nosedived like a hot radar
His mind turned into a firefighting
Steven couldn't stop thinking about the star
But he could never forget the are

Reviews

[abbypullanlitandpoetry]

Oh my goodness, this is... well, it's certainly something! The ambition to tackle a villanelle is admirable - it's one of poetry's most challenging forms with its intricate repetition and rhyme scheme. And there's something oddly compelling about Steven's obsession with this mysterious star, even if we're not entirely sure what's happening to poor Steven.
However, this villanelle has completely abandoned any pretense of making sense. "He had to calm himself with a handwriting"? "Rachel tried to distract him with a scar / Said it was time to start thinking about an underwriting"? These lines read like they were generated by a poetry bot having a nervous breakdown. The rhyme scheme forces such tortured syntax that meaning becomes completely secondary to fitting the pattern. "Steven nosedived like a hot radar" is particularly baffling - what does that even mean?
The repetition that should create hypnotic power in a villanelle instead just emphasizes how little coherent content there is to repeat. It's like watching someone try to build a house with the wrong tools while blindfolded. The form is technically there (sort of), but everything else - sense, imagery, emotional resonance - has been sacrificed on the altar of forced rhymes.
But hey, at least Steven's passionate about something, even if we'll never know what "the are" actually is!
Well done. AP x