Shadow of the walls

I am the one who builds the walls, The one who keeps the roof from falling in. But I am hollowed out inside, Wondering where the "me" ends and the work begins. I look at the clock and then at the door, Waiting for a sound that never comes, Collecting the pieces of a life I’m not sure Is still mine to keep.

I feel like a ghost in my own home, Haunting the chair where I’m supposed to lead. I’m terrified that if I stop to breathe, If I let the exhaustion take the lead, I’ll be the reason their time is wasted. The reason their world comes to a halt. It’s a crushing weight, a quiet debt, And I’m scared it’s all going to be my fault.

And I still look for her in the corners of my mind, Not with bitterness, but with a kindness that hurts. I’m happy for her, I really am But I’m still standing here in the dirt Of a garden I thought we were growing together. I’m trying to be the "bigger person," the one who stays kind, But it’s exhausting to hold onto a light That has already left me behind.

I just want to be seen for a second, Not as the guy who is "strong." Just as someone who is incredibly lonely, Who has been carrying this for way too long. I’m tired of the fight, tired of the loop, Tired of being the only one in the room.