Half glass full glass

Patricia is beginning kindergarten today without her mom near her. As her mother Raichel left behind the "half glass" around this time last year. Today was the day, she longed for for months even when they had bought their house.  The elementary school was so great especially because it provided full time kindergarten facilities in the school system. 

James was always a half glass. It did not hit Raichel in the very beginning. They were travelling and trying to do most activities of a newly wed couple. She could still pull out so many instances where James was very miserable, so annoyed, never satisfied. It did not surprise her even when his colleagues in his law firm said that James was a miserable lawyer in every aspect. Raichel was also a lawyer too but very friendly, not too greedy, flexible, bubbly, and fun loving mostly. 

The rigid rules of James' family were so hard to accommodate to. The organic food rule almost killed Patricia. One day she was yellow like carrots and Raichel told James it did not look normal to her and they must take her to the pediatrician immediately. James' mother baffled at Raichel saying she ate six organic carrots a day to cause yellow skin. Raichel wanted to question her mother-in-law Nancy about the proportion in organic diet, but simply shut her mouth as it could escalate to a real nasty conversation. Patricia got so sick and extremely lethargic. The toilet seat had a few dark yellow spots of urine stains. Raichel and James took her to the doctor. Nancy, her mother-in-law did not say a word when they were leaving to the doctor's office. She felt guilty about last week's incident about six carrots a day and the yellow skin of Patricia. 

They reached the pediatrician's office. Dr. Samuel was not at all happy that they did not bring her last week. He asked us to go to the emergency room. A bunch of lab work was done in the emergency room and her hemoglobin came as six which is way below for her age, it was supposed to be 13 to 14  on average the doctor said. They asked about travelling, history of vomiting or diarrhea. They denied every question. The specialist came and asked about diet habits and there was nothing Raichel could say differently. She even bragged that her mother-in-law used only organic, healthy foods at home. So they all ate healthy too. The doctor specifically asked whether they used fava beans. She told the doctor that they used to get a special soup from a particular restaurant and they used organic vegetables and it had beans too.

The specialist Dr. Nelson said they had to look for G6 PD enzyme deficiency, any how they already sent all the tests to figure out how this much acute hemolysis was happening. It seemed to Raichel as if everyone was talking in an unfriendly medical language. Raichel totally denied that their food had created the problems.

The results came-Patricia had G6 PD deficiency and it was caused by fava beans in organic foods.The doctor told Raichel and James that this particular enzyme could be absent in some people and those people had to stay away from some food items and medications otherwise it could cause serious problems like breaking down red blood cells. It was the beginning of her problems with her mother-in-law and James. She insisted that they should get rid of organic foods and consume regular food. No one at that home listened to her fully, but they agreed to stay away from fava beans and Salicylate group of medicines which may cause hemolysis in Gsix PD deficient persons.

The problems kept on happening and she left her "half glass" and and as a result Patricia ended up with James' family except for the week ends with Raichel. Having left James, she was still happy except when she thought about her girl living away from her mother for a majority of her days, except the weekends. 

Reviews

[Taylor]

I like the concepts in this story -- very interesting and I think it has real possibilities. However, I think it would benefit from going sentence by sentence and making sure that most are complete sentences; sometimes fragments can be effective, but I don't believe the whole story holds up with so many fragments. It almost seems as though the narrator does not speak English as a first language -- if that is so, then I think it would be helpful to introduce that early in the story. Also, the viewpoint is switched in the story. Initially, it appears that the story is being told by a third person narrator -- later, it switches to the viewpoint of the wife/mother. There are the seeds of a very good story -- unfortunately, it's no fun to edit, but each of us has to edit, then re-edit. Thanks for sharing this and keep going.

[Linda alexander]

Thanks for the review and the visit, I edited it, thanks a lot for the tips