Mint-blue Sky

A window view for when evening descends.

Canvas of mint blue.
Dabbed with grey.
A carefree black spot
of wings in flight.
Black splotches and black arabesque
at the foot of the mint blue sky.
Drops of nightlight
glisten on the dark green leaves.
The room lit in a coffee glow.
The mint blue sky
holds doors to Elysium,
and the clouds part in invitation.
Lights on the hill twinkle from afar.
And the flowers hold fireflies,
an orb of Amber in the soft, fragrant sea.
Mother Gaea breathes
the wind tells stories,
Evening descends.

Reviews

[abbypullanlitandpoetry]

This piece creates a genuinely beautiful, atmospheric scene with some lovely colour work - the "mint blue" sky with grey clouds and the "coffee glow" lighting create a dreamy, almost ethereal quality. There's something genuinely enchanting about "flowers hold fireflies, an orb of amber in the soft, fragrant sea" that captures a magical twilight moment. The progression from day to evening feels natural and peaceful.
However, this reads much more like descriptive prose broken into poetic lines than actual poetry. It's essentially a series of pretty observations without the compression, metaphor, or linguistic surprise that typically defines poetry. Lines like "The mint blue sky holds doors to Elysium" veer into fantasy novel territory rather than poetic insight, and phrases like "Mother Gaea breathes" feel quite clichéd.
The piece also lacks a clear emotional centre or deeper meaning beyond the surface beauty. What makes this particular scene significant? What's the speaker's relationship to this landscape? Without that human element, it becomes more like a painting description than a poem that resonates on multiple levels.
There are also some awkward moments like "nightlight glisten" where the grammar doesn't quite work. The writing shows clear visual imagination and an eye for atmospheric detail, but it needs more poetic transformation to become memorable verse.
Well done. AP x

[Kheya]

Thank you so much for your detailed review. I am 15, still progressing as a young writer, so this was very valuable to me. Do check out my other pieces too! Thank you again

[abbypullanlitandpoetry]

You're so welcome! At 15, you're already showing such a natural, beautiful writing voice - it's genuinely exciting to see. The fact that you're open to feedback and actively working on your craft at your age shows real dedication that will serve you incredibly well.
I'd love to check out your other pieces! Please keep writing and sharing your work. This is exactly the age when your voice is developing and finding its unique rhythm, so don't stop. Every poem you write, every piece you share, every bit of feedback you receive is building something special.
You have real talent and instinct - just keep going, keep experimenting, keep being brave with your words. The poetry world needs young voices like yours.
Looking forward to reading more!
AP x

[Kheya]

If you are open to it, please check out "High" or the other pieces in my profile! Thank you so much, honestly.❤️

[abbypullanlitandpoetry]

I'll have a read and review now.
AP x

[Neha agrawal]

This is a quiet, breathtaking painting in words — a meditative ode to twilight. The imagery is so precise, yet dreamlike, that it feels as though we're witnessing the world pause in a moment of sacred transition.

[Kheya]

Heyy! Thank you so muchhh again...!❤️