PART 8 YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN. NOW WHAT?

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How Do I Deal with Regrets That Keep Haunting Me?

The word regret means having a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, or disappointment.⁶⁸

We could extend this definition by saying that this word could also mean:

�-� To have sorrow for something we’ve done or should have done but didn’t.

�-� To have sorrow for losing something we wish we hadn’t or losing someone, as in a relationship, because of a bad decision made on our part.

�-� To have sorrow because of a disappointing decision that we or someone else had made, which has significantly impacted our lives.

�-� To relive memories we aren’t proud of, whether the realities of such were committed when we were believers or unbelievers.

 

When I was about eight years old, my mother took a prize from a cereal box and gave it to me. Believe it or not, this prize was a little book. I couldn’t believe what was in it when I opened it up. It contained old United States postage stamps. These were quite unusual.

This spurred my interest in wanting to know more about stamp collecting. I asked my mother if she’d take me to a nearby coin and stamp store, which she did. While there, I noticed a book that contained pictures of most of the USA stamps which had been issued up to that time. I asked her if she’d buy me this book, and she agreed. This was the beginning of my stamp-collecting days.

When I got home, I transferred the stamps from the little book to the USA stamp album. There was one stamp, however, whose picture I couldn’t find in it, so I decided to remove it anyway. When I attempted to do this, the green glued hinge that was still connected to the back of it caused the stamp to rip in half. I decided, because of its condition, to throw it away.

This stamp was a picture of an upside-down airplane. That’s all I remember. Could it have been the rare Inverted Jenny stamp of which only one hundred were made, and only 94 have been accounted for? It’s possible, but I can’t say for sure. One of them is said to be worth anywhere between $100,000.00 and $900,000.00 depending on the condition. Even if this wasn’t the one, I’ve never seen another inverted center airplane stamp since then. Maybe I had a 1/1.

All of us have regrets. If I’d gone this way instead of that, perhaps the accident would never have occurred, and someone I cared for wouldn’t have died. Some have regrets about the person they married and eventually divorced. In one of the earlier chapters, we talked about addressing past decisions where we’ve hurt others. This is a step in the right direction. But what about those images of regret that continue to linger? How can we address those thoughts?

In my early days of ministry, I attended a church that advocated forgetting about our past. I’m sure many Christian churches today would say that, as Christians, we shouldn’t dwell on the past full of failures, heartaches, and disappointments. This sounds all well and good. We’re indeed new creations whose minds are learning how to be renewed by the Word of God. Forgetting those things in our past should assist us in our progress toward spiritual maturity, right? One of the verses that support this sentiment is taken from the Book of Philippians.

 

Philippians 3:1-16

13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

This verse does say that we should forget those things which are behind. But what are those things the Apostle Paul was referring to here?

4-5 Though I might also have confidence in the flesh. If any other man thinketh that he hath whereof he might trust in the flesh, I more: Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee;

Paul was saying to the believers at Philippi that they should watch out for those who have confidence in the flesh (those who were like him before he came to know Christ). His assurances were based on the facts that he was a pure-blooded Jew, being circumcised on the eighth day of the tribe of Benjamin, became a Pharisee, which is the strictest sect of Judaism, observed the formal rules of the Law without fault, and with zeal persecuted the church.

7 But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ.

9 And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:

He admits that all of those things that he confided in, which he considered gain in self-righteousness, he now counted loss (rubbish, which can mean food scraps or dung)⁶⁹ in relationship to the righteousness that’s in God, which can only be found through faith in Christ.

10 That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;

His utmost desire now was to know him (a personal [knowledge] gained, not by hearing or reading, but by direct personal communion with the Lord)⁷⁰ and the power of his resurrection (the same power that raised Christ from the dead working in him; it is the evidence of our immortality⁷¹), and the fellowship of his sufferings (to suffer for the sake of righteousness), being made conformable (being formed inwardly) unto his death ( to continually [strive] to put his old self to death;⁷² conformity to the spirit and temper, the meekness and submissiveness of Christ).

So that he might someday attain the resurrection from the dead, the state of perfection which will occur when he goes home to be with the Lord. In the meantime, Paul was pressing on to fulfill the purpose for which Christ won him on the Damascus Road,⁷³ that he might become spiritually mature, Christ-like. He realized that this goal of perfection (spiritual maturity) was an ongoing process. However, his past attempts, when he was an unbeliever, a Jew, trying to [gain self-righteous] favor from God, was the very thing that he was trying to forget (be unconcerned about; looking back ends in going back).⁷⁴

His becoming righteous before God was based on repenting to Him and believing in His Son Jesus Christ, and not on any adherence to the tenets of the Mosaic Law. Going on to maturity wasn’t based on doing this or doing that but putting on the mind of Christ. Therefore, these verses weren’t talking about forgetting or not dwelling upon the past full of failures and sins, full of heartaches and discouragements, full of disappointments and thwarted hopes and plans,⁷⁵ but they were talking about not going back to religion, trying to please God by rules and laws. 

 

With this in mind, how do we address those regrets that keep haunting our minds?

Please turn in your Bibles to the Book of 1 Peter.

 

1 Peter 5:7                                 

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

We’re to cast (surrender) all of our care (concerns) to God, whether spiritual or temporal. When we do this, He responds in four wonderful ways.

�-� He gives us the courage to face our cares honestly and not run away.⁷⁶

Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

�-� He gives us the wisdom to understand the situation.⁷⁷

James 1:5-6 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

�-� He gives us the strength to do what we must do.⁷⁸

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

�-� He gives us the faith to trust Him to do the rest.⁷⁹

Psalms 37:5 Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

No matter what pattern of thoughts is trying to bring you into subjection by reminding you of your wrongdoing (inconsiderateness, lack of remorse, etc.), go to God the Father, and ask Him for help. If you haven’t confessed (admitted to misbehaviors) to God the Father whatever you’re being reminded of as sinful behaviors (e.g., in thoughts, words, or actions), then admit this to Him in prayer. If it involves another person (i.e., a believer or unbeliever), disclose this to them.

After admission, if you’re still haunted by regret, go to God the Father again in prayer and ask Him to provide you with His scriptural perspective in this area. In whatever way He discloses this to you, hide (memorize) this in your heart and declare it to yourself when you wake up in the morning, meditate on it throughout your day, and thank God for it when you lie down to go to sleep. With that said, can you answer the following question?

 

What does the Bible tell us that gives us victory concerning regrets and everything that tries to impede us?      

Please go to the Book of 1 John, and we’ll find out.

                                 

1 John 5:4

4a For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world...

We, as believers, were made partakers of the divine nature when we were born of God. In our daily walk, we continue to be partakers of that divine nature. And as such, we’re now in a continual battle to overcome (gain victory over) the world system of good and evil, the sin nature, and the principalities and powers that try to ruin our lives and testimony.

Just how do we become victorious in this relentless battle?

4b …and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.

It’s by our faith. Our faith conquers the world by clinging to the eternal realities.⁸⁰ Faith is acting on what God says because it’s true. When we meet temptation with victory revealed by God’s Word, faith singles out the individual experience by applying God’s perspective. 

Regrets, regrets, Regrets. Oh, how I long to be relieved from regrets. Regret can only be resolved by having the only perspective that counts--God’s. The Word in which God would have us abide, along with the type of response He’d have us express, is to be in accordance with His plan and will for our lives. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about.

1 Corinthians 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

Let’s say that soon after you were saved; you began to get more involved in a particular Spirit-filled church. Your wife, at this time, an unbeliever, doesn’t want to have anything to do with this involvement. As you return home following a great message, you realize there’s no outlet to share what God has communicated to you with your unbelieving wife. Even though she approves of living with you, you decide that you don’t want to stay in the marriage anymore, so you get a divorce. I’m going to assume that you have not heard any instruction concerning the allowances of divorce between a believer and an unbeliever.

When the divorce became final, you now consider yourself single. Over time you meet an eligible Christian female. Eventually, you marry again. Then, there comes a time when attending the church assembly for worship, you hear a message on marriage that talks about the conditions for allowing a believer to get a divorce from an unbeliever, and you realize that your decision to divorce your first wife was wrong. And you’re not sure what to do at this point.

Regret about this has become a persistent preoccupation in your mind. You need help. Hopefully, you’ll ask the pastor to meet with you so that you can receive the divine prescription for this particular situation. The pastor will likely tell you that your decision to get a divorce was wrong, even though it was made out of ignorance. He might further counsel you to confess this to both God and your ex-wife. You might also be asked if any children were involved from your prior marriage and, if so, what were the conditions for financial support. As you follow through on the pastor’s advice, you still find yourself harboring regret concerning this matter. What can you do to find peace in this area of your life? A verse in the Book of Romans provides the proper perspective concerning this circumstance.

 

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

All things (afflictions, trials, etc.) work together (continually contribute) to the ultimate good that promotes love, joy, and peace for those who love (keep on loving) God by trusting and relying on Him every step of the way. This includes confessing sin when necessary and recovering from the agonizing human perspective. Your responsibility, therefore, is to memorize this verse along with the additional description of it so that you’ll know with certainty that this situation will contribute to your spiritual welfare. Based on what you’ve just learned, contemplate this question.

 

Is there a specific regret that rears itself at various times in your mind that you’ve been unable to address?

I’ve had my own regret for many years. After converting to the faith, I became involved in a Spirit-filled church. Eventually, I was asked by the head pastor if I’d consider going on staff and serving as an outreach coordinator, to which I said yes.

After a few years, another door opened for me. The president of an affiliated Bible college wanted me to attend this school and obtain a degree in Christian education. He decided to grant me a full scholarship. The only expenses incurred would be housing and food. So, off I went with my wife and son. I signed up to pursue a two-year degree in Christian leadership, which I completed and graduated Summa Cum Laude.

Soon after graduating, a pastor in an affiliated branch ministry asked me if I’d consider relocating and working in a Christian day school he oversaw. He knew I had obtained a four-year Bachelor of Science degree in mathematics before my conversion to the faith. I thought this was the next step on my spiritual journey and replied that I’d love to work in the school. After a couple of years, this pastor suddenly left the ministry for personal reasons. So, one of the church members was appointed to this leadership position and subsequently took over.

During this time, the Christian day school had financial difficulty paying staff. Discussions with a nearby unaffiliated church resulted in this school being relocated to their facility. I was retained to work in the day school and, at times, interacted with the spiritual leaders of this assembly. Eventually, my wife and I attended one of the worship services. What I noticed in the teachings was a clear difference in how doctrinal perspectives were formulated in contrast to the church with which I was involved.

At that time, I was conducting a Bible study that was located in the home of a young Christian couple. On one occasion, they asked me if I could teach on a particular biblical topic, they had difficulty understanding. So, I decided to teach this from opposing perspectives. One point of view was from the church I was currently attending, and the other was from the church where I was now working. When I arrived at the study, to my surprise, the pastor of the church I was currently attending had shown up. I proceeded to mention what the teaching was on and then, as planned, taught it from contrasting views. A question-and-answer period followed. After which, everyone went home. Everything seemed to have gone well.

On the following day, I was asked by the pastor who attended the Bible study to meet him at his office. I did as he said. He told me he was disappointed that I had taught this subject from opposing views as this intimated there was more than one way to view this doctrine. I was told in no uncertain terms that I was relieved of the Bible study. At the same time, in a state of shock, another alarming declaration blurted out from his mouth. I was also told to move out of the housing provided by the ministry. I have to admit I was beside myself. I told my wife of the news, and we began looking at alternative accommodations. However, within a couple of days, another bombshell fell.

The school year had just ended. The new pastor of the Christian day school called me and wanted to meet. When I arrived at his office, he informed me that the financial arrangement he had made with me had changed. When I was hired, I was asked if I wanted to receive financial compensation over ten or twelve months. I chose twelve months so that money would come in throughout the calendar year.

Even though I’d receive a lesser amount each month, I was more comfortable with this financial arrangement. He told me things had changed and that if I wanted to be retained to work in the Christian day school the following year, I’d have to work for his church for the remaining two months. I told him that I had already secured employment for the summer and would be unable to commit to his request. Not surprisingly, my teaching job for the following year would no longer be made available to me. So, not only did I need housing for my family but also a reliable year-round, full-time job.

    

Here was my regret.

I thought about calling the president of the Bible college to let him know what was going on and see if he had any suggestions. There were three reasons why I didn’t. The first was that a former church member was suing the ministry regarding embezzlement, and it appeared that they were going to lose the case and have to declare bankruptcy and leave the premises, which they did.

The second was that I had a change of mind concerning some of the teachings of this church. This caused me concern because I knew of some pastors who, after completing Bible college, went away on their own to start a new branch ministry church somewhere else. Over time, some of the teachings they espoused differed from the doctrinal perspectives they learned in school. Conversely, they were told by the upper levels of authority to either change their views or consider themselves no longer being affiliated with church headquarters.

And the third reason was that I wasn’t a pastor, so I assumed the ministry president wouldn’t be able to take the time to talk with me because he was in the midst of his own intense legal, financial situation.

I decided to mail out one-hundred resumes to various public schools in the state, applying for the position of high school math teacher. Soon after, I received a call from one of them asking if I was interested in their vacant high school math teaching position. After being interviewed twice by them, I was offered the job. And so, we left the church housing and went on our way to teach at a public school that was located on an island whose only access was by plane or ferry.

It was hard for me to comprehend all that had happened. Here I was in a ministry that I thought I’d never leave, and here I was going. Could I have done anything differently? I believe so. I should have called the president of the Bible college and let him know about my current situation and asked him to pray with me about it. I’m sure that if it were God’s will for me to stay in this ministry, then something would have opened up. Every so often, I wonder if I had made the telephone call and something had opened up, where would God have used me and the gifts of the Spirit to edify the body of Christ?

 

Where do I stand now on being involved with a Spirit-filled church?

I’m not attending any local church on the island, as they all have a religious persona. For my spiritual growth, I purchase audio/visual tapes from specific ministries. Sometimes, I’ll listen to live audio/visual teachings that are offered on YouTube. As far as God using me on this island, I have and will continue to present the gospel to unbelievers at times. At other times, I’ve been writing about various doctrinal teachings, some of which have been introduced from opposing views in the form of books, articles in the local newspaper, or articles online.

    

So, how have I overcome this regret?

There are two verses that come to mind. The first one is from the Book of 1 Timothy.

 

1 Timothy 6:6

But godliness with contentment is great gain.

Godliness (godly reverence) with contentment (being at peace whether in favorable or adverse circumstances) is great gain (eternal gain).

The other verse is from the Book of Hebrews.

 

Hebrews 13:5

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

We’re to be content [to be satisfied with God’s providence (with what He has given us),] knowing that He’ll never leave (not cease to sustain and uphold) nor forsake (stop caring for) us.      

We are where we are. Sometimes, this means we’re right where we should be because we’re operating in God’s plan and will. It could also mean we’re in a place that wasn’t necessarily a part of God’s plan because we made decisions based on selfish motives or self-direction. However, if this were to be the case, we need to confess our choices to God as sin, and go forward in His plan for us. And don’t worry; the Holy Spirit will work out all things together for our good (welfare) as long as we’re continually seeking after God the Father’s love.

Whatever your major regret is, confess it to God. Make an apology to someone if you have to. Make restitution to someone if you have to. And remember to reflect upon those verses that allow you to realize the Holy Spirit cooperates with us and works on our behalf when we continue to seek God’s love.

In the next chapter we’ll look at some of the characteristics of churches that will inhibit us in our walk with God and some of the features of churches that will enhance our walk with God. Are you ready to take a look at these? I am. Please turn the page.

 

Endnotes

⁶⁸Dictionary.

⁶⁹Bible Knowledge.

⁷⁰The Pulpit.

⁷¹Barnes.

⁷²UBS.

⁷³UBS.

⁷⁴Jamieson, Faucet, and Brown.

⁷⁵Weust.

⁷⁶The Bible Exposition.

⁷⁷The Bible Exposition.

⁷⁸The Bible Exposition.

⁷⁹The Bible Exposition.

 

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