Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

“Are you alright?”

I continue focusing on the fascinating grass beneath me. I rub my feet, subtly feeling the bandages bulging underneath. Thankfully, my shoes hide the mass, but the pain from last night still haunts my thoughts. If I don’t make eye contact with Amelia, maybe nothing will happen.

Amelia sighs, “Rose… you can’t keep staring at the ground like you’re madly in love with it.”

I pause, looking up a bit. A question burrows in the back of my head.

“Amelia?”

“Mhm?” she says, her voice hopeful.

“Did you ever feel like…” I bite my lip, “...like your power may be… wrong? Like you should hide it?”

She looks at me, surprised, “Well, I’m pretty sure everyone feels that way, mate. No matter if you have powers or not, everyone doubts themself at some point in life.”

I look into her eyes, finally, “So… you have?”

She smiles, “Well… Yeah. I did for quite a while, actually,” her smile weakens a bit, and she sighs before continuing, “You know most of it… But I kinda left out a few details. For one, I learned I had powers when I was only 6 years old�" right after my brother was found to be dead. It was hard enough dealing with my little brother dying… but to find out I had powers, too? Gosh, it was a nightmare,” she pauses briefly, “And don’t get me wrong, I had pretty amazing parents. They taught me gently and gave me a childhood that I can’t imagine for many people. But…” she bites her lip, “If I’m going to be honest, I just wanted to be normal for a while. I’d see kids running and laughing, not having to worry about training. They got to make friends and interact with each other. It made me really lonely.”

She sniffs, “When I moved out, I immediately stopped practicing. I wanted to be normal, to finally experience life. I got a job as a clerk and started anew. I was waiting for myself to be happy with my newfound opportunity… But it felt strange. I felt like I was hiding something, but all I wanted was to simply forget it all,” she smiles, “Of course, that’s impossible. Sometimes I would see a pigeon at my doorstep, ready to gossip… But I tried to ignore it. Tried to normalize myself,” a bright look comes on her face, “Then I learned about the Rebellion. I knew about the War, of course, but since I was practically on the other side of the world, I didn’t think it applied to me much. But I had turned on my screen once, and it had horrible footage of all the damage the War had caused. At the end of the footage, there was an ad to join the Rebellion. I brushed it off, tried to forget it like everything else in my life, but it really stuck with me. Eventually, I signed up. I traveled thousands of kilometers away from my home… and ended up here.”

She smiles brightly, “It’s been 2 years… and I’ve enjoyed every bit of it.”

I bite my lip, looking back down silently.

“You don’t have to listen to me,” Amelia says sadly, “but if you learn anything from this… You shouldn’t hide what you’re meant to do.”

I smile sadly, muttering, “Okay.”

She lifts my chin, “Thatagirl. Now,” she says, pulling her hair back into a messy ponytail, “are we going to focus on training or continue to pout?”

I purse my lips as she starts coaching me, my thoughts lingering on what she said. I can’t hide it… can I? People will find out eventually… and when they do, I don’t want them to be terrified of me.

Shame fills me. I wasn’t even thinking about what they thought; I only thought of how the outcome would be for me. Just like I always do, like how I’ve done my entire life. Always jumping to the fastest solution, never considering the possibilities.

“Now try imagining the water…” I hear Amelia say faintly as more guilt rises.

I could get it over with… I could tell her right now what happened. Why am I so terrified? She would get it… right? I play out how the conversation would go in my head:

Amelia… I got something to tell ya… I can make ice.

Her face morphs to disbelief, her face frozen like a statue. She tries to say something, but I see her mouth shaking…

I sigh, it would never work. I try to pay attention again, but I can’t shake it.

A few minutes later, I feel my mouth form the words, “Amelia… I actually do have something to tell you…”

Immediate regret hits me, almost making me gasp for air from the push in my chest. Why in the world would I say that? Now I have to tell her! I melt inside, becoming water and disappearing into the ground.

She smiles, looking relieved, “Yeah? What is it?”

I try to think of something else to tell her. Something about how… she’s doing a great job? No, she’d suspect something was still up. I fight for words in my head. But inwardly… a little voice whispers to me:

Tell her.

I take a deep breath, attempting to calm my nerves. 

“It’s about my powers. Something I found out…”

The words keep pouring out; I’m unable to control them. Every part of me is screaming to stop, but still that little voice stays calm during the chaos, telling me this is right.

A shaky breath escapes me as I let out, “I can make ice.”

There’s a stunned silence in the air. I can feel the stillness surrounding me. She’s immediately shocked, and I wince as I remember my daydream.

I avoid eye contact, “I… found out when I was taking a shower last night… I don’t know why I didn’t want to tell you. I just…” I shudder, confessing, “I’m scared, Amelia.”

I look back, my heart pounding as I await her answer.

She takes her hands in mine, her face beaming and her hands warm, “Rose, that’s amazing! You did it all by yourself? Just made ice with no training?”

I pull back slightly, uncomfortable, “Well, yeah, but�"”

Amelia brushes back her hair, staring off to the side in amazement, “Wow, I guess we've got a whole new thing coming for the War, huh? We'd better train up on this…”

I open my mouth in confusion, “Training? No, no, no�"”

“Just think how powerful this would make us,” she keeps rambling, “how it would protect everyone�"”

“I don’t want to train it,” I say firmly, “I won’t.”

She looks to me, finally, the brightness in her eyes fading. 

She scrunches her eyebrows together, “What?”

I take a deep breath, “I’m not training my ice powers. I’m not using them ever again.”

She looks at me incredulously, “Why? This is an amazing power! Why would you tell me if you didn’t want to use it?”

I pause, then whisper, looking down at my feet, “I’m not using it. It… could hurt everyone really easily. I barely thought and�"” I sniff.

Worry replaces Amelia’s face, “Rose… what happened? In the shower?”

I pause, considering the request. I silently lean down toward my shoes, tenderly taking one of them off. I wince as the sores touch the top of it, but grimace and place the shoe aside. I roll down the sock, revealing the bloody, hasty bandages underneath.

Amelia gingerly gets closer, her face horrified, “How did this happen? What could have�" Why didn’t you go see the medic?!”

I shrug, trying to look unbothered while rolling my sock back up, “I don’t know…”

Amelia sighs, pinching her nose and muttering to herself, “What am I going to do with this child?” she turns back to me, grasping my shoulders, “Rose, I know it’s painful (and right after I tell you this, we’re going straight to the medic), but you can’t push stuff like this down, mate. Yes, it has the potential to hurt the ones you love. But it also has the potential to fight the enemy,” she shakes her head before returning her attention to me, “You need to train this, Rose.”

I stand up, shaking her hands away, “I will never train my ice powers.”

I run off, tugging my shoe back on as I go.

“Rose! Wait!” I hear Amelia cry from behind me.

I run fast through the halls, unsure where I’m going. I can’t escape her, I know that, so how will this help? But how can I tell her how terrified I am of my new power?

That’s what haunts me. What makes me run. Because if that’s what Amelia thinks of it, how will everyone else react?

I keep my pace, sprinting through the halls as fast as a bomber plane. I don’t see anyone in the halls, thank goodness. I don’t want to explain why I’m running through the complex like an idiot.

I stop, crashing against a wall to catch my breath. I’m not going back. I’m not. My eyes trail over the white ceiling, something familiar catching my eye. A window.

It’s the window Maryn showed me the first day I came here.

I push myself off the wall, looking further up at the sky. I forgot it was here… It was so peaceful, so bright amongst the unnatural walls.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at training right now?”

My eyes shift down, and I jump when I see Maryn.

I fight for a comeback, “I should ask you the same.”

She shrugs, “My trainer gave me a break, I’m pretty much up to the limits of my powers currently,” she frowns, leaning back in her chair. “But you can’t possibly be done now, so what are you doing here?”

I sigh, leaning against a wall, and mumble, “Just wanted a break, too, I guess.”

I feel Maryn’s gaze penetrate me, and I look back, “...What? Why are you staring at me like that?”

She shakes her head, changing her focus, “Nothing. Just spaced out.”

I list my head to the side. I try to look around the hallway, but, just like last time, I find nothing except a chair Maryn must have pulled out from one of the offices. I finally notice the book in her hands, and immediate curiosity strikes me.

I head over to her chair, leaning closer to the book, “What’s this book called? Is it any good?”

She smiles up at me, pausing her reading, “It’s called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and, yeah, it’s pretty good so far. I had heard from others that it was a pretty famous book from a century ago, so I’d thought I’d check it out,” she gasps excitedly, “Oh! By the way, how did you like that book I gave you? Did you read it?”

I smile and nod, “Mhm, I read it last night.” I pause, hesitantly looking at her, “Do you… have any more?”

She closes her book and stands up, “Yes, actually! I have a ton more in my room. Here, let’s see if we can find one for you.”

She takes my hand gently, slightly smiling up at me. Just to check I’m okay with it. I smile back. It was comforting to have that little question, that simple ask.

She leads me around the halls as I think. Maryn has always been so gentle with me, as if I were a toddler getting ready for my first day of school.

Suddenly, I remember the conversation I had with Vex last night. What is Maryn’s power?

I try to study her as we keep walking, but I don’t find any clues. She just seems… normal. She definitely doesn’t show it off, so is she scared of it, too?

Maybe that’s something we have in common, I think to myself bitterly.

We stop suddenly, and my body takes a second to process the action. I look at a door we stop at, the same as all the others down the hall.

Maryn pushes open the door, walking into a room I haven’t seen before.

The room is surprisingly bright, but not overwhelming. There’s a soft glow coming from all the twinkling lights in the bedroom. A bed sits in a corner, but not at all plain like mine. Multiple thick blankets cover it, and a bunch of stuffed animals sit near it. I recoil slightly, unnerved by the beady black eyes staring at me. In Cryptis, we were given one stuffed animal to keep, then it was taken away when we were three. I have a slight memory of the stuffed carcass I had, but it’s nothing like the ones before me now.

Other than the disturbing creatures, however, the room is warm and welcoming, and I look down in surprise at the carpet beneath me. The room doesn't necessarily have a theme, but as I look around, a sense of safety seems to emanate from it.

I touch the wall of her room. How weird it was to feel happy in a bedroom. All my bedroom was for was sleeping and work.

A crumbling smile escapes my composure. My room… My house. I don’t even know if it’s my house anymore. A hollowness appears in my chest, and I touch my heart gingerly. It’s weird to feel this way about my old home. It wasn’t even anything special, but for some reason… It holds a place in my heart.

Across the room, Maryn pulls out a book from her shelf.

“I think you might like this one,” she says, handing it to me.

“Thanks,” I mutter, barely even reading the cover. My thoughts still swirl around my head, like a rapid river trying to consume me.

Maryn’s smile disappears, “You’re not actually interested, are you?”

I quickly glance back at her, panic coursing through me, “No, no. It’s not that. I loved reading the other one.”

A frown forms on her face, “Then… what is it?”

I shift my feet slightly. Earlier, I would’ve considered telling her what happened. I don’t trust her as much as Amelia, but she still seems like a good listener. But… if Amelia didn’t accept the news, there’s no way Maryn will.

After what feels like hours of my silence, Maryn gingerly sits down on the edge of her bed. She doesn’t push, just waits. Unnerved by her silence, I continue standing, a stiff soldier who is unwilling to come closer… or leave. For once, I feel awkward about it.

Her kind eyes seem to stare into my soul, willing me to confess.

I can’t, though. I can’t. She’ll agree with Amelia. I don’t want another person pressuring me. I can’t take that right now.

But her emerald eyes gaze at me now, so understanding and kind. I can’t look away.

A sigh escapes me, and I come to sit on the bed next to her. I lean my elbow against my leg, sweeping a piece of my hair behind my ear.

I hear her lips part as she softly says, “You want to talk about it?”

I shake my head, my fingers rubbing against my skin, “I can’t.”

She nods with understanding, “I get that…” she purses her lips, “But, are you okay? You don’t have to tell me anything else. I just want a yes or no.”

I pause for just a moment, not a second more, before I answer.

“No,” I say quietly, my lips quivering.

She touches my shoulder, her fingers tender and gentle, “You want a hug?”

I take a shallow breath, but lift her heavy, petite hand off of me. I whisper, “I’m fine.”

She frowns, “You just said you’re not.”

I gulp my saliva down, the action harder than I expect, “I can deal with it, I have before.”

“Just because you can doesn’t mean you have to,” she sighs, looking away, “But I get it, I’ve been there, too.”

Her words intrigue me, but I still look down. What good will it do me to ask? Asking all those questions has only caused me trouble.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” she asks cautiously.

I start to shake my head, but I pause.

“Are there… other trainers that could train me?”

Maryn shakes her head, “We only have 4 trainers in our facility. Why? Is Amelia training you too hard?”

I grimace and mutter, “You could say that.”

She sighs, offering her hand to me, “Well, you gotta talk to her about it then.”

Every emotion bottles up, and I explode at her, “I tried that already! She won’t listen to me.”

Her hand shivers, still there. She pauses a bit before cautiously putting it down. Another moment passes before my chest tightens in guilt.

“Sorry, you wouldn’t know that,” I whisper, brushing my hair out of my face. My anger is dissipating as I speak.

She blinks, then picks up the book she was going to give me. I had long forgotten about it.

She hands it to me gingerly, “Perhaps, instead of yelling at her, you can try to explain yourself better,” she pauses, “That’s why you were in the hall, isn’t it? You ran away from her.”

The book feels heavy in my hand. I don’t respond�" she knows the answer. I do briefly consider her suggestion. I tend to get so angry so quickly… Is that what I really want in my life? Be angry all the time at everyone? I hurt myself with anger, so who’s to say I don’t do it to everyone around me?

And do I really want to separate myself from Amelia?

“How can I face her again?” I say, my voice barely audible as my throat clogs up.

“Trust yourself. It’s your decision on how your life is going to go, but it doesn’t mean you should shut out anyone who disagrees with you.”

I hesitate, her soft words buzzing through me. I make my way to the door, keeping the book securely tucked under my arm.

I pause to look back at her and say, “Thanks.”

~ • • • ~

I take a deep breath, then push the door open with my shoulder. I maintain an outward confidence, even though my heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest, and my blood’s rushing with electricity.

Amelia looks up with surprise, and an almost equal feeling fills me. Even though I thought to come here first, I didn’t think she’d wait this long. I didn’t think she’d still be sitting by the river.

I form my hands into fists to stop them from shaking. I try to remember Maryn’s advice as I walk to her.

I stop, then breathe out, “I have some things I want to talk about.”

She nods slowly, her blonde hair drooping across her shoulder, “Of course.”

I consider sitting down, my feet still hurt, and I’m sure they’re bleeding out, but I want to maintain my nonchalance. I am the definition of calm.

“First off, I am not a weapon. I am a person,” I say firmly, tightening my grip on my hands, “You can’t force me to use a… a power I don’t want to use.”

She lets out a gentle breath of air, “Rose�"”

I shake my head tenderly, planting my feet on the ground, “Let me finish.”

She inhales the words she was about to say, then nods for me to continue.

“It’s not that I don’t know what it can do. Obviously… I do,” I rub my foot gingerly on my leg, the pain still piercing through me, “What I’m scared�" what I’m terrified�" of is the way I make it, Amelia. It activates with anger, and, as you… probably know, I can get angry really easily. And…” I feel my eyes watering and my voice peetering out, but I try to remain strong, “I-I can’t hurt the people I love, a-and I don’t want to k-kill them either. Because now I know I-I can do it without even thinking about it and that makes me even more petrified of myself.”

I hug my arms around myself, all the truth has spilt out. I try to blink, but tears come out instead. My breaths have doubled, and I can barely see the blurry image of Amelia getting up.

“Rose…” she lays her hand on my shoulder, letting me look up at her through the blinding water in my eyes, “I never meant it like that. Never. And I am not forcing you to use your power. I was only trying to say that… I’m proud of ya, mate. Have been since you got here. You’re so brave for this, Rose, and you don’t have to use all your powers if you don’t want to,” she shakes her head, “Sometimes… I just forget that you’re still growing up, that’s all.”

Her words linger in my head, tumbling around and repeating themselves to me, “You promise you won’t ever make me train it?”

She nods firmly, “I swear on my brother, I will never make you use ice, Rose.”

An almost unbearable joy flows through me, warm and bright as the sun. She promised. I don’t have to train it. I repeat the words to myself over and over again, disbelief shining in me.

I smile up at her, “Thank you.”

She squeezes my shoulder, “It’s no problem, kiddo. Never will be.”

I purse my lips, “Would you mind… not telling anyone about this?”

I want to say more; to explain. I can see the confusion briefly dance in her eyes before settling into understanding. She nods, and I take deep, needed inhales.

“You want to take the rest of the day off?” she asks kindly.

I consider it, but shake my head, “No, let’s train. I like controlling the water. It kinda calms me down, if that makes sense.”

“Oh. Okay,” she says, tilting her head in surprise, “Well, mate, let’s work on your control, then.”

We make our way toward the river, and I gratefully sit down, glad to give my feet a rest.

She looks at my feet, and her eyes narrow, “You never went to the doctor, did ya?”

I advert my eyes, “I�" uh�" maybe didn’t…”

She sighs, rolling her eyes, “Honestly, Rose… Let’s get you up to the hospital wing.”

She helps me up to my feet, and I gratefully lean on her for support. My feet throb from standing and running so much, and, as much as I hate to admit it, I might need a little help.

I drift my eyes to Amelia, “Thanks�" again.”

She laughs, her face bright as sunshine again, “No problem, Rose. No problem.”

Author's Note

Finally finished this chapter lol- hope you guys enjoy it!