I Will Make You A Kingdom

====I Will Make You A Kingdom====

copyright@pushkar prabhat, 2014

 

I will make you your kingdom, princess.

by the blue river.

where two days will be a day, a day will be night.

Oh Princess!

please let the days be sunny.

and the nights be, earth’s starry affair with moonlight.

Oh Princess!

i promise you, melodies of butterflies’ wings.

the animals shall dance.

and the birds indeed will sing.

 

I will make you your castle, princess.

built with glass and snow.

in dark of the night, the walls of which shall glow.

Oh Princess!

don’t worry i have made a deal with the sun.

it shall not melt our castle,

for each month, of a promised, holiday season.

Oh Princess!

wouldn’t it be beautiful, to dance in the rain;

a whole month of glittery rain drops falling from heaven?

 

I will raise a mystic wall, princess.

around our kingdom’s land;

which shall be our armour against all evil known to man.

Oh Princess!

but don’t worry, it won’t stop any soul,

which still has innocence left ,

and one whose heart is pure.

Oh Princess!

we will offer only love to every soul,

a life full of happiness shall be the only goal.

 

I will make all of this happen, princess.

all i need is your yes.

everything shall be ready in three days and your castle by tonight.

Oh Princess!

then i shall find a prince:

handsome and blue-eyed.

Oh Princess!

he will be gentle and love you more than life.

be sun, be rain or moonlight,

he shall be always by your side.

 

say yes, say yes, Princess?

Author's Note

trying something different. How is it?

Reviews

[MomzillaNC]

I like the style and imagery your going for. I have a few suggestions, though: begin with adding some punctuation to carry the reader through the inflection you feel when writing this poem.

Maybe these lines would more smoothly carry the meter
"A wealth of glitter rain drops…"

"Which shall be our armor 'gainst th'evil of man."

"A life of happiness shall be our goal."

"I will make this happen, Princess."

"I need only your 'yes'"

"All shall be readied in three days time,
"Oh Princess!
And by your castle tonight,
Then I shall find a prince…
Handsome and blue-eyed…"

[Pushkar Prabhat]

thank you so much for your review and generous suggestions. they help!
:)

[MomzillaNC]

I'm glad to help. Please, return the favor on my latest two offerings.

[Pushkar Prabhat]

oh most certainly will. you need not say that. :)

[MomzillaNC]

No, seriously, I'm looking for input on my two most recent posts. I need a title that's not obviously coffee related for my poem about that first morning cup; and I rather struggling with "Midnight at the Oasis."

[Penny]

I feel I've been away for centuries :-P My god your writing style has changed so much. Anyway, very profound piece, magical and yes, very fairy tale like. Thanks for sharing.

[Confuser]

Very very nice. I suppose, I see notes below, whatever changes have been made? Whatever, it is beautiful to me and keeps rising with every stanza, couldn't wait to see the words, Oh princess, building up inside, what will he do next, and it continued on. Such a beautiful uplifting piece. Thank you. I thoroughly enjoyed it! What a talent you are!

[Pushkar Prabhat]

Thank you so much! Delighted to read such passionate review!!! So glad you enjoyed!!! :) :)

[Confuser]

You must know, talent pours from every oriface. Wow. Thank you. You make it so easy. Su

[Rounak Jain]

This one was touching. Intense imagination. Amazing after effect. Brilliant :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

thanks a lot for your kind words!! :) :)

[Briana O'Connor]

This is such a cute little fairy tale. Definitely could be a nursery rhyme. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed the read.

[AprilRN1210]

I like the theme, it is very sweet..... I did notice a few small things... some of the I's aren't capitalized, some are-not sure if this is intentional or not..

"i promise you, melody of butterflies’ wings." (would either say (a) melody of butterflies' wings here or melodies of butterflies' wings)

"for each month, of a promised, holiday season.:..(would leave out the "of" here)

"wouldn’t it be beautiful, to dance in the rain;
a whole month of glittery rain drops falling from heaven."--this is a question so needs a ? at the end

"and the one whose heart is pure."---would leave out "the" here don't really need it

"handsome and blue eyed."... not sure, but think it needs a (-) here (blue-eyed)

overall pretty nice.. like I said, very sweet....

[Pushkar Prabhat]

thank you so much for this review and suggestions. i have made the changes. they really help.

[AprilRN1210]

my pleasure my friend.. glad I could help:)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

.......:) :)

[Ashira Macy]

This was a very unique poem. It seemed like a love poem at first, and I am still not convinced that it isn't, but it ends with this person willing to do anything for her, including finding a Prince for her. Perhaps it is from the point of view of her father or maybe it is someone who is in love with her, but cares not for themself, only for her happiness. Brilliant work!

[Pushkar Prabhat]

thank you....thank you. if i only i could receive such wonderful reviews every morning!( it is morning here.)
yes you are right this is a love poem, and about the prince part: in the poem i am supposed to have great magical powers so maybe that prince will be a manifestation of me!! :P ;)

[Ashira Macy]

Love it! That would be brilliant. Then you could be with her forever in her dream world! =)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

yup! that's the plan..... :)

[Linda alexander]

a life full of happiness shall be the only goal.
Romantic, plethora of imagination, when it comes towards princess and for a yes, extravaganza of imagination is so apt, but poet butterflies probably inside the glass door garden of the castle, where is the ride with mermaid or on dolphin hump, bringing her the treasures from sea, hopefully princess may say yes

[Pushkar Prabhat]

thank you so much for this generous review!
:)

[Linda alexander]

You welcome, my pleasure, take care friend

[Rehan Roy]

'I will make you your kingdom, princess.
by the blue river.
where two days will be a day, a day will be night......
Oh Princess!
wouldn’t it be beautiful, to dance in the rain;
a whole month of glittery rain drops falling from heaven.'
These lines are my most favorite among. Thank you for sharing this wonderful fairy-tale poetry :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

thank you for this delightful review! i am glad you liked it!
:)

[Rehan Roy]

You are welcome. :)......

[micky]

I enjoyed the piece but I don't really know if there are any faults as this is not my style, but you should ask April she is awesome at this. I really like the piece and I will send April a reading request for you :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

thank you so much. i did send a request to april. i too am new at this. this is not my genre.

[micky]

Lol i'm sure April will have great advice for you this is her genre and she is amazing at it but I still loved and enjoyed yours very much ;)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

hmm.....i am glad you enjoyed. :)