Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

My alarm on my watch rings out, immediately waking me from my slumber. Now it’s only three days until the attack.

I quickly change out of my nightgown, throwing it into my closet and taking out a uniform. I shove my arms into a T-shirt, then slip on the jacket. I sit down on the floor and pull on my slacks. I look in the mirror in the bathroom, then decide to put my hair up. Things might get messy today.

I consider eating a bit of breakfast first, but a quick glance at the time banishes that thought. It’s only 6:30, probably way too early for the usual meal. Besides, I need those 30 minutes to train. Why would I waste that time by eating breakfast, of all things?

My feet feel a bit sore from yesterday; it feels like the medication is wearing off. It’s been 6 hours, so I should be fine to take another dose. I grab the pills off my side desk. I pop one in my mouth and swallow it without water. It was something taught in school, in case we were ever in danger on the field. You can’t really wait for water when it could be life-threatening. 

I put my watch on, securing the strap on my wrist before starting a stopwatch. Satisfied with everything, I start a jog down the halls. With all the relaxing I’ve been doing, I figure exercise should prove imperative. I’ll probably be doing it a lot in the next few days.

I make sure to soften the sound of my steps. People may still be sleeping, and besides, it’ll be helpful to practice sneaking around. At least most of the training I would’ve had to do is already covered by school. That’s thinking on the bright side.

I focus on my breathing, too. Breath control is very important while jogging. In the first few weeks of learning to run properly, I learned that lesson the hard way. Probably the reason why I hate running so much now, but at least it’s essential to what I’m doing now.

Each step I take, my foot stings, and I flinch every time. Hopefully, it won’t be like this every day.

I’m jogging past Vex’s door when it opens. I glance back, but continue down the hall. Any interaction is a distraction, and I can’t afford any time loss.

“Oh. Rose, that you?” I hear him say groggily.

I don’t answer. Instead, I take a quick look at my watch. It’s been 30 minutes since I started jogging. That’s probably why he’s up.

Vex jogs up next to me, “Aha! It is you, Flower.”

I ignore him, but inwardly, I roll my eyes. Is it his job to bother me all the time?

He furrows his brows, “What happened? Someone not water you for a bit? Your petals seem a little droopy.”

I jog faster to get ahead of him. His comment makes my nerves all flare up. He acts like I’m a fragile little being that can’t handle anything. I can. I can probably handle more than he can anyway. I know my breathing is uneven, but at this point, I don’t care. I just want him to go away.

Frustratingly, he keeps up, “The attack bothering you?”

When I don’t answer, he continues in a joking manner, “Well, don’t worry. You won’t even have to be that good. We have meat shields to protect us from anything.”

I whip my head to him, my anger rising. How dare he say that? How weak does he think I am? And saying soldiers are meat shields? I was a soldier!

I point my finger at him, then hiss, “Don’t. Say that.”

He jumps back a little, but regains his composure, “Whoa! The Flower has a little bite to her today.”

I stop in my tracks, my shoulders are raised, and my chest is heaving, “You bet I am,” I say threateningly, “You forget I come from there. I am dangerous. And you should stay out of my way. I’m not “Your Flower.” You should be careful of my thorns. These are people’s lives we’re talking about,” I narrow my eyes and sneer, “But I guess you wouldn’t know that since all you can think about is death.”

His mouth is gaping open, and I see his eyes widened in fear. I stomp past him, ignoring how loud I’m being.

“Aw, come on, Rose. I’m only joking,” I hear him say with a steadier voice, “It’s my thing. It’s like telling me not to breathe,” he says with a laugh.

I coolly turn my head back, “Maybe I am.”

His body stiffens, and I walk away. After a few minutes, I realize what I’ve just done. I just told him I wouldn’t care if he died. How was I that cruel?! I start to feel extremely bad for Vex. He probably was just joking. I should go back to apologize.

I don’t feel my legs turn back.

I just keep walking down the hall.

Something about the way he said it this time. It didn’t feel like a joke. And why should he joke about it anyway? He seems to think life is a simulation�" that other people are just NPCs. Someone needed to tell him that wasn’t okay.

Besides, I have more to worry about. I have training to do, so I shouldn’t be wasting my time worrying about a teenage boy.

Resolved with my conscience, I stroll to what I consider my training area now. The river is an obvious choice. Plenty of water for me to play with, and trees outdoors to aim at. They’ll be thin enough targets to simulate a human being. That’ll be good when I get to that point of training.

I push open the door, walking across the grass to the water. I kneel beside it. It’s still weird to think that only a couple of days ago, I tried to kill myself here. Yet, I’m strangely fine. Maybe I’m just numb about it… But this water seems like my best friend at the moment. At least it doesn’t yell at me.

I know Amelia won’t be here for a while (she probably hasn’t even woken up yet), but getting a head start won’t hurt.

I take a deep breath, then swish my hand into the water and pull it out in a stream. It’s easier to do without anyone watching, but I still have to concentrate to keep its shape. Just another reminder of how much work I have to do.

It’s fine, I tell myself, I’ve been behind in school before, and I’ve always been able to catch up then. Why would it be different now?

The water drops to the ground, soaking into the thick grass. I pound my fist into the ground and curse. It’s not that hard to concentrate. I need to do better.

I angrily go to control the water again, but the stream starts freezing over. I gasp, grasping my foot by instinct, and almost run from my spot. As my anger lessens, the water slowly fades back into the creek. Little chunks of ice float down the river as I watch it depart.

I shiver, suddenly feeling very cold. My jacket adds a layer of protection, but I’m suddenly aware of the weather. Cloudy, with a gust of wind blowing in the trees.

I draw my attention to the part of the stream that just froze over. It’s like nothing ever happened.

I need to control my emotions. I’m not using that power. What if Larry had seen me? Then he’d command me to use it for the battle.

Although… is that really a bad thing?

I bite my lip, then settle down on the creek bank. Ice could really help me in battle. What’s water actually going to do to someone? Give them a bath? Even at my best, I would only be able to make a wave. Would I even have enough water on me to do that?

Whereas ice…

Well… I’ve seen what it can do. Wouldn’t that be a lot more effective? Maybe everyone won’t view me as some useless person… Maybe I wouldn’t be just a fragile flower that can be trampled on.

But what if I hurt Leon? Or Amelia? What would I do then?

What if, what if, what if… I only ever seem to imagine the bad things that could happen. What about the good? I can control my emotions around them; I’m decently sure of this. So if I can do that, why not use it in battle? And to use it in battle… I’ll have to train it.

It feels so horrible to think, but what other choice do I have? What if Leon gets in trouble and I can’t save him because I was too weak? How would I live with that? He’s all I have left.

This only makes me more determined, and I sternly command myself to confront Amelia about it when she inevitably shows up. I snicker; she’ll probably be so confused by my change of heart. But no matter. It’s about what I want… right? That’s what she said.

But until she shows up, I should probably continue training with water. The more familiar I am with my neutral emotion, the more confident I’ll be with ice powers.

I pick up the water and form it into a stream again. This time, I will not be distracted.

~ • • • ~

Training has been so empowering. Realizing my potential… it’s giving me a new perspective. Actually learning how it works. Its ins and outs. Now I just need to train it more…

At least training keeps my mind off everything, since I need to think of nothing but the water in front of me. While it might be a little stressful trying to keep the shape, it’s actually really calming. It’s almost the calmest I’ve been in my whole life.

I hear a door crack open, the metallic screech on the door frame, and reflexively turn my head. It’s Amelia. Finally! I look at my watch and frown. It’s been 2 hours since I started. Imagine if I had wasted all this time just talking and having breakfast of all things!

Amelia flinches, and a confused expression takes over her face, “Oh, Rose. Why are you here so early? I thought you slept in since I didn’t see you at breakfast…”

I stand up, brushing my wet hands on my pants, “I just wanted to get a head start on my training,” I smile and laugh anxiously, “Only got 3 days now, you know?”

She creases her eyebrows, “Yeah… but…” she shakes her head, apparently deciding to tackle another subject, “Well, I guess it’s a good thing. I thought I’d have to drag you out of bed to get working!”

She smiles, but I can tell she’s forcing it. Why? Is it really that bad that I want to train more? They’re the ones that want me to be ready�" shouldn’t they be happy with how much work I’m putting into the cause? I close that mental door for now. This isn’t what I wanted to talk about, anyway. I have to remember to stay focused.

Once she’s next to me, I skip the small talk, “I’m ready to train my ice powers now.”

This really makes her jump back, “Really?”

I nod my head confidently. Somehow, the water has cleared the fog in my brain, and I can clearly see what I need to do now.

She sits down and leans back on her arms, although the motion is stiff, “What made you change your mind?”

I shrug, “I’ve just kinda realized… It’s not about what I want. It impacts the group as a whole, and I’m not going to let everybody down by refusing the most powerful asset of my power.”

I’m proud of my explanation, yet Amelia’s body does not relax any more. She does not approve of this; it’s all in her body language.

“And I want to train it now. I’m not pushing this off�" We only have a few days, and I want to be prepared,” I say firmly.

She hesitates, but nods gently, “Yes, I suppose that would prove efficient…” she trails off, still frowning. She puts a hand on my shoulder, “Larry didn’t force you into this, right? If he did, I’ll talk to him. He doesn’t control you, mate.”

I roll my eyes, “No�" he didn’t force me into this. It’s my decision. Not anyone else’s. Besides, I never listen to what Larry says.”

She tilts her head, “Well… okay then. I guess we should get started then…”

She doesn’t say anything else. I mean, she does, but it’s just talking about ice training. Good, she must be focused, too. I knew she’d understand once I explained it. Amelia’s just like that.

“So, what do you feel when you use your ice powers?” Amelia asks me. 

It’s been a couple minutes since we “argued” (if it could be called arguing…), but Amelia still seems stiff. Amelia is never stiff, not since I met her. She’s definitely a loose cannon. But I try to ignore it. Maybe she’s just having a bad day or something. It’s not professional, but I get it.

I answer her, “I have to be angry to do it. But not just like “ugh this person annoyed me so much” anger… more like pure hatred. I have to really draw it from within me sometimes, but once it comes, it comes easily. To be angry while doing it, I mean.”

Amelia just looks more worried than ever. Why? It’s bothering me that she won’t say why at least.

She takes a deep breath, “Rose… are you sure this is what you want? Having that emotion in you all the time… I may not be a psychiatrist, mate, but that sounds like it’d really mentally damage you. And that’s beside what opinions you had yesterday! I mean, you felt so strongly about it and now you just seem… I don’t know. You seem different, mate. And I want to make sure you’re going to be okay is all.”

I plaster on the kindest smile I can muster on my face as I take her hand, “Like I said before, no one’s making me do this, Amelia. I just… have the bigger picture now, is all. I still know what this power can do, but I’m sure I can handle it. I’m strong,” I say confidently, “As for my mental capacity, if I can get through military school easily, I don’t think this’ll impact me that much.”

I’m broken anyways, so what’s the harm of adding more cracks?

I think of adding that on, but I think that’s the opposite of comforting her. And I’ve got to convince her if she’s going to train me. I need her to train me or else my whole plan falls apart.

She sighs, “Alright… it’s your decision, Rose. But… Please be careful. For me.”

I smile brightly, “Don’t worry, I will.”

Liar.